At 19, I do not think I have lived long enough to know the world and its content. Of the many people I have met and the friends that I have made along the way, though each are unique in their very own way, I am still searching for that one person to call my own. I may gone through 12 years of education so far but I can never quite confidently say I am prepared to face the world. Each day feels new to me in its own little way. Filled with opportunities to make it or break it.

At times, amidst all of these, it almost too easy to forget at 19, things are starting to look differently too. In fact, things are beginning to operate on a different level. No longer can ideals be achieved with determination and hard effort. As much as I like to believe that's the case, what I have learn through out this year and a half is that at times if not most of the time the utility of a dollar coupled with sheer/dumb/fated luck will reign supreme.

The former was and still is particularly important to me.I am now in this phase where there is a dollar and cent value attached to almost everything that revolves around me. I might not have noticed it back when I was 12 or even 17 but as of now, the dollar bill is quite visible I would say. I do not hope to jinx myself by saying this but I do see in years to come, the incentive of the dollar bill will only grow bigger and bigger.

I only hope by then I do not lose track of myself. Walking without a destination in sight is painful. To keep on walking down that path is even more painful. Thus, I am feeling very fortunate right now. To be able to reconcile my expectation of the ideals to what the reality entails me to do is something I count as a blessing each day. I have a destination in sight. A means to get there. Perhaps all that is left is having some sheer/dumb/fateful luck.

I would really like to keep to this. Whenever and wherever I am.

Dear Gong Gong,

We just cleared your paraphernalia yesterday. Although it has been awhile, we are only able to go through them in detail yesterday. I do suppose job of such nature requires a delicate balance between acceptance and brevity. I think you will be glad to know that everyone especially Po Po was in good spirit. Before we started the clearing we even celebrated her birthday. Needless to say it kept her in a jovial tone through out. She has recovered much since her minor stroke attack. I would even go as far as saying she is almost back to her former self.

Going back to the matter of clearing up your possessions, I would say that I have learn much about you during the process. I know we do not have the tightest relationship prior to this. May it be due to the family setting, language barrier or even the generation gap for that matter. But I will always recall you in fond memories. In life, I know you as a well educated Chinese tailor who spent most of his days in the town of Alor Star. But at this very moment, you are much more than that. Through your paraphernalia I seen a glimpse of your extensive traveling in your youth. It is through the plethora of postcards, souvenirs and well kept letters from your friends that offer me a better insight into you. Your meticulousness for details and sentimentality speaks of man of good principles that were upheld even to the very end. However, I hope you won't mind me keeping a few of those tokens as mementos of you for my own.

If there is a message I ever need to send across to you it would be that everything is well at our end. Know that we will always have you in our hearts and thoughts. Your gift to me in the form of my chinese name is also something I will carry on proudly for the rest of my life. As illiterate I am in chinese, knowing how to write those three characters and the meaning it hold will be my own little way to cherish you.

Thank you.

With Love,
加孟

I am seized by a sudden panic attack. Looking at the calendar tells me that I have about 2 more weeks to go before Term 2 commences. At this point, I am not sure I can accomplish half of the things I set out prior to my holidays. In a moment of weakness, I had these grand visions on how I will spend my holiday when I was asked what I will do during the term break. I was confident that  I will be meeting up with my old friends, doing some traveling, bonding with my family, sharpening my culinary skills and heck even get a head start in my upcoming Statistical Theory for next semester by going through the syllabus. At one point I even told myself I will be matter loading as much as possible in preparation for next year's debating season.

Boy was I naive.

Currently catching up with old friends seem to be the hardest to accomplish in my list to do. I have only met a handful of them. Trailing behind seems like a never ending list of old contacts whom I wish to be reacquainted once more but reality seems to be conspiring against it. Perhaps I am not trying hard enough, but coming to a sudden realization that one's friends no longer live within a mile radius from you (or heck even in the same time zone as one) and not being able to meet up with them as frequent as intended, is not a pleasant feeling at all. In addition to the tinge of guilt felt, I can't help but feeling resigned over the fact that, as time flies, everyone has to carry on with their own separate lives. With it the distance, unfamiliarity and awkwardness also follows. Arriving at such conclusion I can only count on nostalgia and Facebook to play their parts in order to offset the waning of such relationships.

Meanwhile, time for me to spend my remaining hours of my holiday more fruitfully. Hopefully.

BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?

Instructions:
Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read. Tag other book nerds and publish.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen ( )
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (x)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte ( )
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (x)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (x)
6 The Bible - ( )
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (x)
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell (x)
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman (x)
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens ( )
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott (x)
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy ( )
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller ( )
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare ( )
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier ( )
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien (x)
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk ( )
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger (x)
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger ( )
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot ( )
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell ( )
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald (x)
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens ( )
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy ( )
25 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams ( )
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh ( )
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky ( )
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck ( )
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll (x)
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame ( )
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy ( )
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens ( )
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (x)
34 Emma - Jane Austen ( )
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen ( )
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (x)
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini ( )
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres ( )
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden ( )
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne ( )
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell (x)
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown ( )
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ( )
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving ( )
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins ( )
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery ( )
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy ( )
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood ( )
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding (x)
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan ( )
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel ( )
52 Dune - Frank Herbert ( )
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons ( )
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen ( )
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth ( )
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon ( )
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens ( )
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley ( )
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon ( )
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ( )
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck (x)
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (x)
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt ( )
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold (x)
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas ( )
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac ( )
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy ( )
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding ( )
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie ( )
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville ( )
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (x)
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker (x)
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett ( )
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson ( )
75 Ulysses - James Joyce ( )
76 The Inferno - Dante ( )
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome ( )
78 Germinal - Emile Zola ( )
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray ( )
80 Possession - AS Byatt ( )
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens ( )
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell ( )
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker ( )
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro ( )
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert ( )
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry ( )
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White ( )
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom (x)
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (x)
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton ( )
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad ( )
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery ( )
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks ( )
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams ( )
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole ( )
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute ( )
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas ( )
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare ( )
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl ( )
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo ( )

Postscript - Only included the ones I finished, But oh boy, 22/100! Looks like I have a long way to go. Sigh. But on a bright side, I proved BBC wrong. =P

Dear XX

I have never quite encounter anyone like you. Not in my 19 years of life time at least.

Being in the same room as you has this curious effect of making me more self conscious of my own awkwardness. Every flaw, superficiality borne on my part is magnified to a pulsating degree. There was a moment where I almost lost it. Back then, all I wanted to do was to spill my guts out to you. The consequences and what the others would think almost came secondary when it comes to gaining a nod from you. At the brink of such emotions, I would often think what you would have done if you are in my shoes. You would probably came out forthright anyway. Unlike me.

Listening to you for the first time has left a deep impact within me. I am smitten by your devil-may-care candidness. But beneath the awe, your petite silhouette is somewhat a source of inspiration to me as well. I want to emulate your qualities. The eloquence, the crassness, everything.

Writing this has made me realized. I want to be you as much as I want you to be by my side.

Sincerely,
Yours

Now and then I have these sudden strokes of epiphany. From learning how to operate a certain pesky electronic device to figuring out the proper directions to a desired destination, such momentary burst of intuitive perception never fails to uplift a person's spirit. Today, fresh from s straight 12 hours of hibernation I had a fuzzy burst of epiphany. Albeit the vividness I recall seeing a glimpse of the the future that awaits. Amid the random pieces, I see my own sense of belonging. Poised with confidence and determination, the thought of it is so warm and uplifting. I think I am falling for debating all over again.

A few hours back I just had a final term paper. With it, came an end of a 15 weeks old subject. The journey itself was wrought with an inexplicably feel of ennui. My mind just won't let go of the fact that I had it in me all this while but never quite making it. Even at the very final moment. The redeeming point left in a hurried manner as it came at the start.

Just this once, there won't be any happy endings.

Dear K,

Tonight was your big night and I am glad that I manage to play a small part in it. It has been ages since we last cross path. Truthfully, though out the years the relationship between us have waned a lot. Along the way, many value judgments were passed. The child-like imagery I had on you grew on to be a seed of discontent in which I was forceful reminded of during my adolescent years.

But as life would have it, as I aged I get to relate more to the things you did in the past. In an ironic way, having gone down the same road as you, an insight was gained. I believe we are currently reconnecting the past. I no longer hold you in the same light as I once I held you in. Thus the civility between us I suppose.

All in all, I wish you all the best in your new embarkings in life as I embark on mine.

Sincerely,
Yours

Dear De' Fluffe/Stratus Building Solutions Co,

In retrospect, many things have come and gone by since my last post. Within the last two weeks I have experienced a gamut of emotions and thoughts which often ran from one end of the positive spectrum to the other. At my present stage I find myself feeling pretty contented and strangely at peace. Despite the workload bordering closely between the line of insanity and sadomasochism, I don't think I will have it any other way. One of the main driving force for me to come down here is in fact to experience all of these. So now that I am currently living it, why not go through it all?

Carpe diem I say.

Dear Mum & Dad,

To My Dearest,

I have been waiting for you for as long I can remember. You often come into my mind as a faceless individual. Although I am unable to picture your features, your vivid warmth and comforting presence has always been synonymous to you in my reveries. I recall with the utmost fondness how I used to be awaken from my reveries of you with a silly grin on my face now and then.

I know you are somewhere out there. Waiting. Perhaps wondering as clueless as I am. I know not if you will think of me as how I think of you. But do know that, when I get to meet you, I hope to be able to make an impression on you.

I must confess to a certain extent I am in love with the idea of falling in love. To be attached and love with all my soul. There will be difficulties, downs and whatnots in our relationship, but really isn't this a key take away of every relationship? Of course, there will be the awfully sweet and cheesy moments as well. Nonewithstanding, I promise to cherish you and keep in mind what matters the most.

Essentially, what truly matters is the journey and memories made, no? The destination is very much an added bonus to me.

So to us, I look forward to the day where you will enter into my life.

With love,
Yours

Dear Y,

Dear Malaysia,

I do not like commenting on you. Especially through this means. It has always been a personal belief of mine to refrain myself (at times with great difficulties) from writing about you. May it be at this blogsphere or other forms of media. For I believe too much has been said about you at times. The good. The bad or the outright ugly. I have heard and read them all. Which is why I do not like to lend my voice to the already overcrowded, suffocating and noisy landscape that is unfortunately plaguing you. Hence, this will be a rare once in a blue moon sort of thing.

Besides the aforementioned reasons, I am quite daft you see. I am unable to phrase myself eloquently enough to capture what my heart truly believe in. For most of the times, I really do believe in the four letter word being the best response that I can come up with. No kidding. I am also sadly an uneducated pariah when it comes to your policies, runnings and whatnots. However, I do hope to improve my understanding of the science behind your governance and rationalization in the near future.

If I have to come up with a main point in writing this letter, it would be to satisfy my whimsical whim of writing a entry about you for the sake of writing itself. At here I wish to bring up something that I feel strongly about. It may not be politically accurate nor is it a serious academic point of view that needs to be taken seriously.

First of, a bit more on myself. I am currently not residing at your place. For the first time, in my nineteen years of life, I am leaving you to reside somewhere else. I am currently residing at your southern brethren for the purpose of furthering my education. Do not read too much into my decision to leave your shores to take up abode else where. Do not feel insulted for me choosing another's education instead of yours as well. Really, it's not you with the problem. It's me. I am unable to cope with your current public institution hence the need for me to find alternatives.

As for the conventional wisdom of advising me to reside here even after I have completed my studies, I honestly do not know the answer to that. 'Cause I have not given much thoughts on it. Another fine example of me being that daft. However, I would like to think I am the sort of person that is both practical and sentimental. A paradox. That much I am aware of.

But still, I would definitely like to base all of my present and future decision on the economical viability of the situation that I am facing. Unless, we are really that altruistic, let's face it, in a way all of our main priority is filling our own needs and wants first. But here comes the sentimental part. I absolutely detest being a purely effective economic unit. Thus, I would like to be identify my future undertakings on what I strongly believe in.

And what is it that I strongly believe in you may ask? A sense of familiarity. I am fond of my family. I am fond of my friends. I am fond of root and heritage. Evidently, you currently have all of that right now. Although, I don't often sing praises about you in public or that I occasionally take part in those sporadic bashing of you, do know I still feel a surge of pride when never I am being identified for what I am. I am a Malaysian banana who converse in English, Malay and various Chinese dialects. I am both a "jaguh kampung" and a "glocal" with the mindset of a "jakun".

Honestly, while I am writing this I am yet to come to terms what you really stand for in my heart. But like my faith, you will always have a special spot in it. It isn't something I can easily sell or market to people. (Not that I see the need to do so in the first place) But that does not devalue you in any sense.

For the years to come, I forsee myself still struggling with an answer. So I ask for your patience. For the day, when I stop being such a daft and begin picking up the pieces for you instead.

Sincerely,
Yours

The flashy lights piercing the smoke screen. All is lost within the wave of hands with the booming noise as the background. As midnight beckons on the rest, one soul can't help but wonder - "Will this open up more doors?" The sound of merry making is still at large after all.

Dear Dreams,

To be frankly honest, I rarely think of you. Unlike the common Joe, I do not define you. Not in the strictest sense at least. When, I was a wee little lad, perhaps, all I had was a preconceived image of you - in a suit or a lab coat. But even so, it was because I needed it to shut the others up. It sounded almost like a mechanical response then. And occasionally, it still sounds like one now.

But I am slowly progressing. Inch by inch, I am starting to re-define you in a clearer light. I do not wish to see you from an economical point of view. Neither, do I wish to view you in terms of status or as a mere goal in attaining the fable "5 C's" of the malehood.

Instead, I want you to be my faithful companion. Through thick or thin, ebb or flow, high or low, up or down, I want you to be there. Omnipresent and guiding. I wish to be contented at any given point of my life. I wish to contribute as well as making a difference. However, small it is, I hope to at least preserve my ideals.

Can I count on you for that much?

With Regards,
Yours

soufflé of clouds

lazying around

i await for them to arrive

Dear Reflection,

What happen to that euphoric rush that you felt just two days ago? Has it free fall to the point where only fear and insecurities are left? What happen to the iron like conviction that you had when you swiftly decided to make the call? Was all that chased away by those intimidating jargons? Of ICA, IPA, Prinsep, and whatnots.

Search. Search deeper for a reason to fly. To fly into the unknown waters. To be a minority amongst the minorities. Resolve the issues at hand and find the lion's courage to smile in the face of uncertainties. No one may know what the future holds. Hence, the urgency to count your blessing and make the best out of it.

Go forth and be merry once more. For you are me, and I am you.

Sincerely,
Yours

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favourite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

I used to have fears of parting. Parting with friends, family, home and basically all things familiar to me. But one day, I came up with an awesome solution. Rather than looking at those partings on a face value, I will look at their merits. Of the stories behind each individual; those special moments and even those nondescript moments. They will all serve as a reminder should I ever feel off beaten that I had the ups before I had the downs. That they all count for something and that nothing is ever a waste or a miss.

So to my friends, family, home and basically all things familiar, we had our good ol' times no? No matter where the road takes me next, I know I will have all of you to fall back to.

Another memento to fall back to.

The last 8 hours have been a most distressing one for my family and I. Without the slightest hint nor warning, my grandmother had a mini stroke. At the time of incident, none of us knew what caused her to become so emotionally labile. Her slurred speech may perhaps be an indicator of what is taking place. But really, we just panicked. It was sheer madness with a mix of confusion and fright.

In hindsight, the decision to bring her to the clinic for an initial diagnosis and the subsequent decision to send her to the hospital may be validated by the doctor's diagnosis of her suffering from a minor stroke. But really.. It was too close of a shave. All sort of what-ifs were playing our heads. What if we shrugged of the episode and opt to observe her for another night at home instead? What if the clinic did not answer my late call for an emergency check up? What if it took place at Alor Star instead of SP?

I am telling myself all that matters, is that the right course of action was taken and that most importantly she is now getting the proper medical attention that she needs at the ICU. However,this time around, the what-ifs are particularly harder to ignore. Not after what I have witnessed first hand.

August is finally here, and I am still as clueless as ever. It can be so irksome at times when people ask me questions that I have no actual answer to them. Like - where are you studying after this? What course will you be doing? Hayioo, why you don't want to go oversea? What you wanna become next time if study that?

Swear to God, I find the whole thing to be so vexing at times that, I don't know why I get so annoyed anymore when confronted with such questions. Is it because, the people who ask them aren't genuinely sincere in knowing my progress and that their merely being ke pohs? Or that asking such questions has become such a mechanical formality to the extent, every now and then, there is a need to reinstate such questionings? Part of the annoyance can also be credited to the simple fact that I have NO real answers to them.

1. Yes, I am hoping to get into one of the Singapore Unis namely, NTU or SMU.
2. No, I do not know what course I will be doing there. The whole admission thing still hinges on my A Level results which will be out in about 11 days or so. But if you insist on knowing, it will most likely be a degree in business or accounting. Definitely, in the commerce line.
3. Yes, I have considered other options of studying elsewhere prior to this. I have taken into account of studying at UK, US, Australia and even Cannada for that matter.
4. No, I do not have the sort of money nor the financial means to sustain my edu at those countries.
5. No, I do not know what I will become in the future. Probably an accountant if I don't go to Singapore as I will be doing my ACCA in Malaysia instead.
6. No, it doesn't get any clearer than this.

Present or past, I have always deny (vehemently) that I'm converting into a Penangite, Surely, I can't be counted as one just because I have been living there for a year or that my IC has a 07 in it? I still see myself as a budak SP. Jakun in nature.

However, over the last one year, due to the alternating between SP and Penang, I find it difficult at times, identifying which is my home. I know to some, the distinction between those two should seem very clear and that there shouldn't even be any confusion in the first place. I wish it was so. But it isn't.

amphetamine

Do you wanna know what is worth pulling one's hair over? Studying.Or more aptly, self studying for an upcoming exam.

Imagine this; you are casually flipping through the past year papers and you realize, you have no idea or whatsoever what the questions are asking for. You browse through the questions again. This time trying hard to recall part and pieces of what you have learned previously. Yet nothingness comes to the mind. You do not know which topics the questions are referring to nor do you know how to write any form of intelligent answers for it.

You are paralyzed with a sudden fear of impending doom. With 34 days and still counting, you just felt a horrible sensation of your stomach performing a somersault.

"My Facebook is the epitome of - Hidup Segan, Mati Tak Mahu. But I like it."

Swiped from Today's✿Addiction☜ (new icon)'s photostream

Had I but two little wings,
And were a little feathery bird,
To you I'd fly, my dear,
But thoughts like these are idle things,
And I stay here.

But in my sleep to you I fly,
I'm always with you in my sleep,
The world is all one's own,
But then one wakes and where am I?
All, all alone.

Sleep stays not though a monarch bids,
So I love to wake at break of day,
For though my sleep be gone,
Yet while' tis dark one shuts one's lids,
And so, dreams on.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"He could not have done with the little poem. It was not the words so much as the whole air of it that charmed him!"

Katherine Mansfield

No matter what happen, know this - for every Chinese New Year, certain traditions will always remain a tradition to me.

• The homebaked confectioneries ala pineapple tarts, blueberry muffins and Cornflakes cookies.
  
• The decorations consisting of pineapples, pappercuts and angpaus (which may be glaringly missing especially over the years) and the cookie jars.
  
• The packeting of angpaus as well as the last min sprucing up of the house.
• The huge fuss on the preparation of the reunion dinner.
  

By far Thursday is still my favourite day of the week. Back when I was schooling in Kedah, unlike the others states, our weekends begins on Friday itself. I would be looking forward to each Thursdays with glee as it would signifies the end of a week's worth of schooling regime. There would be two days of R&R (minus the tuitions) to savour and to sleep in.

As of now, even though my weekends (officially) begins on a Saturday instead of a Friday, I am still looking forward to Thursdays on my calender. On a superficial level, as I do not have any classes on Friday (at the moment), I have the entire day off. Hence, my weekends still starts from Thursday. Amen to that!

But on a broader and deeper spectrum, I would like to believe that the significance of Thursday is not yet lost to me. If I am to probe deep enough, I might just find a plethora of childlike enthusiasm to look forward to on that day. I find the thought of waking up mechanically in the wee hours of the morning to pull myself together to the bathroom and having a meal before beginning the day banal and to a certain extent - horrifying. But if I can wake up to the thought of, "Hey, it's a Thursday!" and jump out of the bed with an eagerness to start the day, I would generally find the day to be very fulfilling and be in a genuinely good mood through out the day.

As such, Thursdays are my weekly dose of endorphins.

i gotta stop stalking random blogs. it's intoxicating; reading through their posts fervidly makes me feel as if i'm living their lives instead of mine. and when i'm done, i'm left with a despondent self to deal with.

this ain't healthy.

Thoughts that have been coming and going like the cars on an expressway desperately need to be put on a halt.

If there is ever a good day to be lethargic, it be today. But before I know it, I woke up to the realization that it's the second day of the new year.

I just can't believe it.