Dear CK,
It is indeed refreshing to talk to you today. Somewhere between class and the distance for dinner struck a thought in me. We haven't been talking with each other as much as I would like to. A part of me do wonder, what would have happened if I have taken that leap of faith back then. Would things still stayed the same? I doubt anything would come out of it, but I am still very glad at where we stand today. Work, studies or even just plain nonsense are things that I am confident that I can turn to you just about anytime.
Warmest Regards,
Yours
Friday, September 30, 2011
Day 10
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I Had No Life or So I Thought
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| Snipped from: http://asdfghjkllove.tumblr.com/ |
It has been more than a month ever since the new school term began. And truth be told, half of the time, I am either angsty over some issues or being dead tired. I knew when the new term began, I am to start my sophomore year with an increased workload and additional responsibilities, yet somewhere along the lines, everything around me seems to be crashing. I was barely catching up with school work. Dealing with miscommunication and people issues drained me. There were also those late nights, that subsequently went on to be caffeine powered mornings.
Ranting was something I did a lot. Whether it was on this personal space or to a few friends of mine. A recurring thought that hit during the entire episode, was the need to disappear. I wanted to vanish to obscurity so badly. I wanted to be in a place where I didn't have to wake up cursing that I slept through my alarm, or seized by a moment of panic each time I opened my email. I didn't want to feel guilty for not updating others on Facebook or even responding to their text messages.
Amid all the backlogs, I started to call home more frequently that I normally would. Each time I spoke to my Mum, that thought of "I miss you and home so badly that I want to come back now" in my head kept screaming for attention and to be brought out of silence.
But no silence was broken. Instead, things went on as it is and I went on being angsty and tired most of the time.
Now looking back.. I don't know where the solutions to the above problems came about. Or even if such matters were resolved in the first place. But somehow, 5 weeks after everything has began, I am finding my equilibrium. Those late nights and caffeine powered mornings are becoming increasingly infrequent. My sleep debt is somewhat repaid. Emails and updates are accounted for.
I do know someday all of these will be worth it. And for that, I think I will be waking up to each day with a greater sense of anticipation and a little bit of joy. Fingers crossed.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Spirited Away
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| Whisked away under that bright blue sky; even as the world around you seems to be crashing into pieces, there is something inexorably about this moment.. that makes everything, a tad more bearable than it can be. |
Monday, September 5, 2011
Stop.Start.Continue
I need to stop searching for that moment of validation. I am at this stage of the cycle where the marginal utility gained no longer seemed to matter. I know when I am starting to have these thoughts; of stopping right in my tracks and fleeing to obscurity, my priorities have since changed.
A senior and a friend would probably say, "Look into one's self causation and remedy it" , but I would then be thinking to myself, "How far I have walked only to find myself, unable to see it as it or even as it should be".
It's 2.47 and I am being delirious. But doing this much relives me of my present state of self. Even if it's just a fraction of it.
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