a story in progress

Dear Malaysia,

I do not like commenting on you. Especially through this means. It has always been a personal belief of mine to refrain myself (at times with great difficulties) from writing about you. May it be at this blogsphere or other forms of media. For I believe too much has been said about you at times. The good. The bad or the outright ugly. I have heard and read them all. Which is why I do not like to lend my voice to the already overcrowded, suffocating and noisy landscape that is unfortunately plaguing you. Hence, this will be a rare once in a blue moon sort of thing.

Besides the aforementioned reasons, I am quite daft you see. I am unable to phrase myself eloquently enough to capture what my heart truly believe in. For most of the times, I really do believe in the four letter word being the best response that I can come up with. No kidding. I am also sadly an uneducated pariah when it comes to your policies, runnings and whatnots. However, I do hope to improve my understanding of the science behind your governance and rationalization in the near future.

If I have to come up with a main point in writing this letter, it would be to satisfy my whimsical whim of writing a entry about you for the sake of writing itself. At here I wish to bring up something that I feel strongly about. It may not be politically accurate nor is it a serious academic point of view that needs to be taken seriously.

First of, a bit more on myself. I am currently not residing at your place. For the first time, in my nineteen years of life, I am leaving you to reside somewhere else. I am currently residing at your southern brethren for the purpose of furthering my education. Do not read too much into my decision to leave your shores to take up abode else where. Do not feel insulted for me choosing another's education instead of yours as well. Really, it's not you with the problem. It's me. I am unable to cope with your current public institution hence the need for me to find alternatives.

As for the conventional wisdom of advising me to reside here even after I have completed my studies, I honestly do not know the answer to that. 'Cause I have not given much thoughts on it. Another fine example of me being that daft. However, I would like to think I am the sort of person that is both practical and sentimental. A paradox. That much I am aware of.

But still, I would definitely like to base all of my present and future decision on the economical viability of the situation that I am facing. Unless, we are really that altruistic, let's face it, in a way all of our main priority is filling our own needs and wants first. But here comes the sentimental part. I absolutely detest being a purely effective economic unit. Thus, I would like to be identify my future undertakings on what I strongly believe in.

And what is it that I strongly believe in you may ask? A sense of familiarity. I am fond of my family. I am fond of my friends. I am fond of root and heritage. Evidently, you currently have all of that right now. Although, I don't often sing praises about you in public or that I occasionally take part in those sporadic bashing of you, do know I still feel a surge of pride when never I am being identified for what I am. I am a Malaysian banana who converse in English, Malay and various Chinese dialects. I am both a "jaguh kampung" and a "glocal" with the mindset of a "jakun".

Honestly, while I am writing this I am yet to come to terms what you really stand for in my heart. But like my faith, you will always have a special spot in it. It isn't something I can easily sell or market to people. (Not that I see the need to do so in the first place) But that does not devalue you in any sense.

For the years to come, I forsee myself still struggling with an answer. So I ask for your patience. For the day, when I stop being such a daft and begin picking up the pieces for you instead.

Sincerely,
Yours