a story in progress

At 19, I do not think I have lived long enough to know the world and its content. Of the many people I have met and the friends that I have made along the way, though each are unique in their very own way, I am still searching for that one person to call my own. I may gone through 12 years of education so far but I can never quite confidently say I am prepared to face the world. Each day feels new to me in its own little way. Filled with opportunities to make it or break it.

At times, amidst all of these, it almost too easy to forget at 19, things are starting to look differently too. In fact, things are beginning to operate on a different level. No longer can ideals be achieved with determination and hard effort. As much as I like to believe that's the case, what I have learn through out this year and a half is that at times if not most of the time the utility of a dollar coupled with sheer/dumb/fated luck will reign supreme.

The former was and still is particularly important to me.I am now in this phase where there is a dollar and cent value attached to almost everything that revolves around me. I might not have noticed it back when I was 12 or even 17 but as of now, the dollar bill is quite visible I would say. I do not hope to jinx myself by saying this but I do see in years to come, the incentive of the dollar bill will only grow bigger and bigger.

I only hope by then I do not lose track of myself. Walking without a destination in sight is painful. To keep on walking down that path is even more painful. Thus, I am feeling very fortunate right now. To be able to reconcile my expectation of the ideals to what the reality entails me to do is something I count as a blessing each day. I have a destination in sight. A means to get there. Perhaps all that is left is having some sheer/dumb/fateful luck.

I would really like to keep to this. Whenever and wherever I am.