a story in progress

Those primary schooling years in an old boy school were indeed one of the years of my schooling where I enjoyed the most - standard six in particular. Though, we had the UPSR examination back then, we had a blast studying hard yet playing hard too after the exams till the end of the school term. To be honest, I do not remember in specific what made 2003 that memorable, but collectively it was indeed a year worth noting. Perhaps it was our final year in primary. Everything seemed to be so nostalgic.

Then soon enough, came the secondary years of my schooling. It was somewhat a turning point. The new environment, the different people from different backgrounds, education and gender. At first, I was not bother by it. I was still in my little comfort zone. Wrapped behind a bubble, I still knew little of interacting with others. In other words, I did not changed much from the shy yet brash bespectacled boy who never did have such a high or any outlook for that matter on himself at all.




I hated the very thought of failing others - not in a competition like this especially.


Then came a sudden, silent sense of resolve. I suppose I found my raison d'etre; without knowing what it was back then. I made a resolve to just try things out. To discard whatever shame or self-reserve thoughts I had and go for it. People's impressions on me were still something I take notice about, but I managed to balance it out with my own set of beliefs without compromising.


I know for one thing that people's impressions count but oneself confidence is even more so.
I know for one thing disappointment comes in two form; when you let yourself down or when you let other's down - that both lead to different paths.

I'm way tooo lazy for the past week to get a proper post done, so I'm trying to make up for it by this picture tag instead.

a)Answer the questions below by doing an image search and using pictures from the first page of results, do it with no or minimal words of explanation.
b) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you've finished answering every question.

Okay, as most of you know by now, yours truly is enlisted to Kem Lagenda Seri Negeri, Langkawi for the first National Service (NS) batch of 2009. I will be heading there on the 27th of Disember (yeah which means I get to usher the new year in a foreign unknown land, yay me!) till the 11th of March. Of course, in between I will have those short breaks namely for Chinese New Year. Other than that, I doubt I will get to come back to SP that often. Travelling to and fro from the mainland to the island is no joke. To be honest, I'm not sure I would like my family to travel every fortnight just to see me at the camp. But, I'll leave that thought for now. I'll never know how I'll take things over there. Might even run back home crying. XD

So now I'm doing a bit of whatever info hunting I can about NS. From their schedule to the conditions of the living quarters. So anyone out there who might have undergo this before, do share this precious info with me ok? Might help raise up my survival rate over there.

Well, what are my thoughts on NS? I'll keep them to myself. but I can share with you my feelings and thoughts about me heading to one though. When I first received the sms - "Tahniah, anda telah dipilih untuk menyertai PLKN" I was really laughing like some lunatic person that one would have came across in the loony town. My mum, was like why? why you la? As she went on a calling spree, I went on sms-ing people that I know to see who else was selected. truth be told, I wasn't the least suprised when I found out who was enlisted and vice versa. I think it could be my intuition back then (guys do have male intuition at times too you know!) telling me you be selected, you be selected. And true enough, I was! Perhaps it wasn't any male intuition now that I look back at it. It could be me, just being a negative and expecting the worst to come. Lol. After a few days, since the sms fiasco (because everyone at school was talking but it anyway), I didn't give much thoughts into NS.

Then somewhere during my SPM examination, the fragile peace, was broken with news, that some of my friends have received the letter from NS informing them about their camp and a bunch of other things needed to be attended with before reporting for NS on the 27th.
And of course, everyone around me and probably me too when to panic mode again. It was then, the prospects of me heading for NS really sank into me. I was like, "Where is my darn letter?? I want 1st batch la. And so on" by mid-day however, the letter came. As if everything was in plan, and the entire morning was just a test of my patience or more like my willpower to remain sane amidst all this. I'm to head for Langkawi. I'm to get myself an Agrobank account. I'm to get myself medically examined. I'm to fill up a bunch of forms.

In retrospect, I guess I don't really mind heading to NS. I'll will struggle, but hopefully I'll emerge unscathed or at least in one piece after 2 months and 2 weeks. (Funny eh, how the 1st batch isn't exactly 3 months? But I'm not complaining) I'm just glad I got my wish of heading to Langkawi and being in the first batch. At least I get to put my affairs into order before and after NS. It's my convenience actually. So what else more can I rant on? =)

Below are picture I stumbled across bout my camps while hunting for some info on it.

I would like to officially announce that -

Haha, to be honest I'm not sure for the past 2 months, the lack of update was either due to the fact that SPM draw closer or that I'm just so freakishly lazy when it comes to posting something. XD Either way, it doesn't matter now that I can't use that for an excuse to *cough* justify my very very invalid blog. I'll try to make it up to whatever readers out there I have left by spamming or spazing over some irrelevant stuff for the future posts. =P

And now that SPM is over, which may I add was over in a blink of an eye. Is it me alone or that time seems to be horribly unforgivingly fast these days? Or is that time is relative to individuals and just so happen this individual is barely coping up with the flow of time? I'm not gonna blog about how I did for the papers though because I'm terribly afraid of stiring up the skeletons lurking behind this entire issue of SPM. I will just let it haunt me a couple nights before the big day on March 2009. =) Take that you bunch of scallywags of skeletons!

Oh yeah, back to where we are (pun not intended) which was now that SPM is over... anyone intrested in a bunch of revision books, tuition notes, and piles of execise? Some of them will be going to my cousin sister who will be form 4 next year, but I doubt she be needing that entire load. They will be going to the old newspaper man at this rate. And to be honest, I felt kinda "sayang" if that was the case. Kinda attached to them after all this years. I just realised I have my Form 1,2,3 Science notes all nicely bind up into books. Well, if thats the case, why don't let another benefit from it right? So anyone intrested, just let me know okay?

Guess the updates are till here for now. At the mean time, gotta get busy. Time is of the essence now that I have a deathclock hovering over me that says 25 days to go to my jungle prison summer retreat.

Whao, it has been like what one month and half since I last update this thing? That gotta be a record. Well, for those who are at least curious about my whereabouts - I'm still alive (to the disappointment of some of course) and still kicking. Just finished my Trials on the 23rd of September.

But guess what? The next day, we are told that we have to actually RE-SIT Physic, Additional Math and Modern Math after the short Raya holidays. What a fun killer I tell ya. There you are, after having just finished 3 weeks worth of examinations with one paper after another (amounting to what-30++-papers?) you are told that you have to re-sit those 3 subjects. Wtf?!

The official reason?

Those 3 subjects have solid, undeniable proof(s) that the students have had cheated in them and some were even thick enough to be caught in the act. When in fact almost every paper that I sat for, I have had heard that there was soalon bocor, soalan "spot" and even whayu from the all-Holy one.

Well if one is actually interested, confessions from ex-students and teachers would tell one that every year the same thing happen over and over again (Is it like some vicious cycle?), where students cheated and copied.

Only our year, we weren't "smart" enough for a few were actually caught red-handed - in the own words of my Chemistry teacher. (and have I tell you she is so chyio for a teacher?)

Oh well, perhaps re-siting ain't that bad I suppose. I didn't do exceptionally well with them in the first place. So I guess, I'll take this with a pinch of a salt as suggested by a very dear friend.

Besides that, another noteworthy thing that happened in my life for the past month, other than the exams, would be us tendering our withdrawal from the debate team hence withdrawing from the Nationals at the same time. It wasn't a real no-brainer choice but it wasn't easy to make a stand as well. But oh well at then end of the day it was a very clear stand by all of us.

So sorry and a very big THANK YOU to everyone who had help me to get this far especially the teachers, friends, teammates, ex-teammates and I suppose all those would be so kindly referred as those under the sun and the moon.

I guess that's it for now, folks!

And lastly a very Happy Hari Raya to all those who will be celebrating it and to those having their PMR right after the Raya, all the best. (may you guys see the light of joy after the crossing the tunnel)

Hiatus is still on though. And I do doubt there will be any updates after these. But oh well, SPM do come first after all. =P

Guess what? I'm still alive.

When no news about debate is a good news. You know things are going downhill with how things are being run nowadays. When people are glad for the calling off the Nationals rather than for it being brought forward (as if that's even possible), you know how fucked up our little system is. I for one, ain't ashamed to profess this - Good riddance to debate! And hello SPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPM!

If there is to be a National anytime soon - that will be a real shocking surprise.

And did I mention the fact that we are all (more like my fellow fifth formers and myself) taking our SPM on the this coming 11th of November have sunk in into me? Well, the message was there lingering like a shadow since the start of this year, but the handing out of the timetable only served to justify the surrealness of this entire SPM affair.

So with that being said, I hereby put this blog on a HIATUS mode for an indefinite time frame.

Why?

Because I have to make up for the lost time.
Because I'm so uncertain and frustrated at how things are getting along right now.
Because I'm so frickin lazy.
Because I have nothing to blog about.
Because this are my last few months, weeks and days to prepare for the following examinations and I wouldn't want to screw that up as well.

Guess I will have to see you guys when I see you don't I?

So see you people then.

I know I haven't been updating this blog of late but due to the most obvious reasons which are withholding me from updating, I will try to cram as much as I can in this one post of mines.

First and foremost, recently held the AGM meetings for the Astronomy Club. As of now (more like a week ago), I have relinquished all posts (one post, to be exact), and retire peaceful into what I would like to call an internal purgatory of hell. But this hell hole however isn't filled with sharp spikes nor the eternal burning flames of hell which consume the very flesh of the living person. No. I'm afraid it's far worst than that. It can only be described as SPM.

At the mean time, the English Corner of this year's Aliran magazine have also been completed. Send the draft bout two weeks back. Can only keep my fingers crossed that these printing people don't screw up the type-setting which I have so painstakingly arrange from scratch. For those who know me, I'm no comp whiz. Therefore, you can only imagine how long it took me to figure it out just how to arrange it to fit the allocated 10 pages. Phew. At least for now I can say the editing magazine stuff are over. Unless a certain teacher decide to harass me further into doing something which is completely not in the field of the English Bureau. Which by the way, I have to say a very stupid move to have that much other committees in the first place when you will ask any Tom, Dick and Harry to do the job. But I will leave that as it is for now, as I have other stuff to rant on.

In case you are wondering what else crap can this guy come up with, the next one will be about debate.

Yes, I'm talking about the National level Inter-School English Parlimentary Style Debate which is also known as the Tan Sri Panglima Datuk Wira Arshad Challenge Trophy which is supposedly held in Kelantan this year.

The first straw was these people over there in the JPN of Kelantan telling us it has been post phoned from the 7 of July to the 28th of July. Seeing how we have just finished state not so long ago, we figured, fair enough, more time to prepare not just for us but the other 15 teams as well. As you see at that time, there were many other states which were yet to do their state level debates, so it can only be concluded that these Kelantan organizers are considerate enough to postphoned it out of considerations of the other teams.

So fast forward to the present. Now they are telling us that the National level will be around mid-August next month after much calling, and calling on our behalf to the JPN of Kelantan and even to the extent of the Kementerian Pelajaran. Now my question is, after much postponements and delays can anyone form the JPN of Kelantan or even the Kementerian for that matter give us an official set of dates? Instead of keeping us in the dark, why can't any of these people just confirm whether there is even a god damn debating competition to begin with?

Is it because of logistics, finance or even some other underlying problems in the JPN of Kelantan that inhibits the very running of the competition? Is it because of some problems or misunderstandings between the local JPN and the Kementerian? I don't know. And for one, I hope someone would step up the plate and clarify on this whole big mess.

Dah-lah already call off the National level Choral Speaking Competition in Melaka, are these people gonna call of debate as well? Either way, the point remains, let us know!!! Tak-kan wanna wait till each state start calling and screaming for the dates only, wanna tell us cancel atau tidak??

Last year's National level debate held in Kuching, Sarawak was from the 10th of June till the 14th. The year before that, was held in Selangor, from the 19th to the 21st of June 2006. Now, from what we gather right now it could be mid-August or even two weeks before the trials in September.

Now do the math. See the difference over the years?? See how close is it to the SPM trials which are suppose to held in early September? Don't these people ever consider there are participants of the debate competitions who may be taking their trials and SPM this year? Examination years? Have they consider the impact it will do to the student? How about the parents who are screaming at their children to quit all this nonsensical nonsense and just study?

Obviously the answer is a big fat NO.

So what is to happen from this point onwards? I don't know. In fact I'm waiting for someone to tell me it's all worth the effort and time spend. And that I'm not throwing away everything I have in pursuit of this competition. I won't deny the fact that I'm demoralized by all this big mess or inefficiency as you call it. Heck, even the others are feeling it. Perhaps the other debaters from the other 15 states are feeling it as well.

But what are we to do at the mean time?

Keep on waiting in vain? Holding our hands together to pray that they don't call it off last minute?

I don't know.

Why don't you tell me instead?

Today during our debate session. A woman walks into the room and approached us.

Woman : Is it wrong for a student to bring story book to school?
All of us : Har? Come again? (all of us had this very blur look on)
Woman : Why did the prefect confiscate my daughter's story book today? Do you know I came all the way from my office just to...... (from this point onwards, the woman went all Hulk-like)
Putra : (enquire something about who was the prefect and so on - basically trying to get the bottom of things)
Woman : (Still complaining more - about her time, daughter, book, prefect)
Me : Erm, maybe there was a mix up or the prefect wasn't being really responsible?
Woman : I call it STUPID, I repeat STUPID of that prefect (and she went on complaining even further)
Me : Why don't I try to get the teacher in charge instead? (or something of that sort, can't really remember the exact words, but I did remember I kept on repeating sorry ma'am, we will try to help and uh-huh all the time)
Woman : (Still unsatisfied, she went on even further about how she will make a big fuss out of this, outright stealing of the prefect to do so and on,on)
Putra : Why are you scolding him har? (referring to me) His not even a prefect.... (and from that point Putra was on the verge of having a mega volcanic eruption as well)
Me : Erm, it's okay la Putra. Let it be. Let me go find sir. (starting to get a bit fidgety with the proceedings of the event)

After much running about and ramming into people and doors, I found Sir. After a hurried explanation, he went off to meet this lady. And from that point, it was his turn. None of our business as it should have been in the first place.

Moral of the story?

There all sort of people in this world and sadly in our already short life span, we have to encounter such people in our life - those who think so highly of themselves and keep on going on about how right they are, and how stupid others are. Okay, I may understand you may feel a bit agitated on your daughter's mis-fortune entanglement with the prefect. But why take it out on us, students??! Dah-lah storm into the room as if you own the place, you expect others to humbly bow down at your feet and possibly lick your shoes only you puas when in the first place we have no idea what is happening, while still trying our best to ease out the tension ?

During the entire incident, I wasn't the very least angry at her as all I had in my mind was; Oh shit, oh shit. Gotta diffuse the bomb. Gotta diffuse the bomb. So fine-lah, if you can act as the rational adult over here, then someone has to be the sensible one.

And as if it wasn't enough, you have to drag in Sir's name as well (referring to Mr Fletcher over here) about people isn't polite enough to wish you a Good Afternoon (as if you had wished us when you first storm into the room), and about how STUPID and SENSELESS things are.

Oh for the love of God I say. (me being pious over here)

Spare me the drama!

Take it somewhere else.

The only victim of the entire event wouldn't be me nor any of us. Heck it won't be the school or teachers. And NO it wouldn't be wasting someone's precious time and energy to come to school just to settle a case of a very, very expensive story book bought at MPH being confiscated (which by the way is IRRELEVANT). I wonder did the mother actually considered the daughter's feelings amidst all this drama? Is it something she want for her daughter to be in a dilemma or to be stuck in a supposedly big fuss matter? How about the feelings of the daughter? Any thoughts on that?

No? Doesn't matter? I know what's best for her?

Fine then, I might just be another student who doesn't have right to say this, but thinking back on how the event unfold, how we reacted and how you over-reacted, can anyone honestly say you are in the right and what you did was appropriate or S-E-N-S-I-B-L-E enough for a full grown adult who is cable of rational thinking?

I have no qualms about it as much as the next guy beside me does. All I know it ain't worth the effort to be offended or angry about. Being the crazy bunch of teens that we are, we will just laugh it out while making jokes at it (some which might not be suitable for the U-rating) and be done with it.

Now if only it can be that simple in the first place..

Let me start this by saying;

HERE WE COME KELANTAN!!!!

Hahaha. This is the 3rd year in the running, the SMK Ibrahim debate team is representing the state for national. Well what can I say about the 3 debates that took place today? Well, hectic, tiring, exhausting and also it actually makes one's blood pressure rise up - or it could just be me alone with the temper flaring up issue? =P (I think someone here needs an anger management course) But still the matches were immensely satisfying and everyone was really sporting with it (well at least i think the majority are). Meet a whole bunch new friends as well. (right Vj?)

But allow me to stress that, we wouldn't never have made this far without the support of our fellow teachers and comrades in arms which specifically include Mani, Kugan and Patricia. We seriously owe you fellas a treat la! Always being there for us, giving us moral support as well as the nourishment in the form of breads, buns and most importantly for a certain someone - Coke. Can't believe from last week till today we actually have a regular dosage of Cokes and Ferry buns. Haha. And also Sir's essence of chicken! (Have we been free loading too much I wonder?)

But you know what?

From this point onwards I think I will just enjoy the journey as it and live every moment of it to the fullest.

Yup. I think I will do just that.

Tomorrow will be our state level! This time SMK Kuala Ketil will be the host, meaning the entire debate team will have to travel down (or is it up?) to Baling. Hmm. Don't think I have ever been there before. Or have I? Either way, the stakes are high tomorrow. So are our emotions currently! =P

Keeping my fingers cross over here...

Okay, I admit my previous post is kinda depressing. But in a way, I am very very grateful for my friends being out there (well maybe they might not exist solely for me, but I find much comfort in that too). So a very heartfelt thanks form this resident blogger whom suffers from nasty mood swings now and then.

Today was a really, really tiring day at school. Despite the fact I got permission to skip the entire week of lessons, having to cram up in the hall preparing for some low-key prize giving for the afternoon session wasn't a real comfort either. I know HAC is meant to be a student affair, where students' achievements are acknowledge , but heck why should there be so much emphasis for some VIP who couldn't be bother? Somehow last year's incident still manage to strike a chord. Call me xiao qi but heck rude is still rude in any day of mines regardless of who you are.

That aside, today was extra tiring compared to the other debate sessions would be having to juggle the Club meeting as well. Argh. Had some telematch which is loosely translated to I-have-no clue-but-I-am-desperate-anyway.

And on a side note, anyone up for a game of frisbee? Thou shall find more info on this forum. If it's possible, there might even be a game held at our very own Farmer's River. Pretty cool, eh?

Just got home from an early dinner with mum. Somehow, in that 1 hour time span, I manage to feel somewhat dejected and all blur at the same time - though a more accurate word would be dampened.

Meet a certain someone who I get to know at school only the beginning of this year which turn out to be a long time acquaintance of my parents. I didn't know I meet her before when I was still a little child back then. And I certainly didn't know it was her. A startling revelation which follow suit. One that left a very bitter taste on my behalf.

What came next was an equal blow itself. I wasn't counting for myself to get through as I kinda form my own conclusion after waiting for 3 months without a single whisper of news; but when it was officially seal today that I didn't get the ASEAN Scholarship, some part of me felt...empty. I wasn't laying any hopes in it from the very start. I even comforted others and was all nonchalant about it. But when it came - I would never had imagined I will end up feeling this low. Why I wonder? Well at this juncture, I wished the two of you all the best with the entrance exams tomorrow (I suppose). It's good to know at least some of us did managed to get shortlisted for the scholarship.

And on another note, I have never felt so lowly of myself this far. Did somewhere along the road I had end up compromising with my own principle? To think I would end up being walked all over by another for not standing up for myself and to end up pushing another at the same time, knowing perfectly well I wouldn't like being pushed the same way.

What have I gone wrong?

So with the Mid-year examinations finally settled, you thought life would be a bit easier. But think again! With the sudden mad obsessions (more like the usual rushing for last min works) for marks aside, I still have debate at my hand. If there were to be a graph to measure the debating euphoria - it will be of the charts!

Our state will be on the 18th which is this upcoming Wednesday! So there will be a lot of cutting classes moments going on between the 7 of us, but that's somewhat okay with the teachers seeing how they are busy with the upcoming HAC as well.

But on a more serious note, after the holidays we have had half of the year behind us already. With about roughly 150++ days to go till SPM, I should be seriously hitting the books.

So for the most obvious reasons mentioned above, do pardon this blogger if he doesn't update that very often.

You know what? I won't pretend to say I understand how it feels like to loose someone close. Nor can I relate to how it feels like to have the passing of someone whom you treasured right in front of your eyes - simply because I never had those moments before. Or rather I am yet to experienced such moments before. At such it would be an outright lie, for me to say "I understand" or "I am sorry for your loss". Those words sounded outright hallow and meaningless; such are the nature of a mechanical formality albeit a much needed formality anyway.

But through the course of last week, may it be by fate, by chance, by luck or by the nature of life itself, I managed to somewhat experienced the scene of death. I may not be one of those few who are closely affected by it, but I can somehow admit, being older this time, I can at least comprehend the nature of such events - a point of paramount significance some might say.

I have seen how people have desperately justify themselves. How people have settle their animosity for others aside. I have also seen how some people will never seem to change. Seeing all those makes me wonder, how will I react if I were to be it their shoes? Quite frankly, I don't know.

But I do know one thing for certain. Having that sense of regret of not being able to do enough or unable to be there at those final moments - is in fact far worst than facing the prospect of death itself. I wouldn't want the rest of my life being haunted by that sense of regret of not being able to cherish the one we love when they are alive.

There are quite a number of things in life which I did without knowing why I did it nor knowing what drove me to do it in the first place. Even so, I did it anyway. Perhaps, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter why we did it. We may have a pure intention in doing it without expecting anything in return. We may be harbouring selfish or an ulterior motive. We may even be outright clueless. But all in all, we did it anyway.

So what made me did it the other night?

I don't know.

But I did it anyhow.

That alone makes all the difference in the world.

Your Existing Situation

Defensive. Feels his position is threatened or inadequately established. Determined to pursue his objectives despite the anxiety induced by opposition.

Your Stress Sources

Feels unappreciated and finds the existing situation disagreeable. Wants personal recognition and the esteem of others to compensate for the lack of like-minded people with whom to ally himself and make himself more secure. His sensual self-restraint makes it difficult for him to give himself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and merge with another. This disturbs him as he regards such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome; only by not succumbing to them, he feels, can he withstand the difficulties of the situation. Wants to be valued as a desirable associate and admired for his personal qualities.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Emotionally inhibited. Feels forced to compromise, making it difficult for him to form a stable emotional attachment.

Clings to his belief that his hopes and ideas are realistic, but needs encouragement and reassurance. Applies very exacting standards to his choice of a partner and wants guarantees against loss or disappointment.

Your Desired Objective

Needs to feel identified with someone or something and wishes to win support by his charm and amiability. Sentimental and yearns for a romantic tenderness.

Your Actual Problem

Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics he admires and to display originality in his own personality.

Your Actual Problem #2

Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on his resources. This feeling of powerlessness subjects him to agitation and acute distress. He attempts to escape into a substitute world in which things are more nearly as he desires them to be.

KarMen took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Needs to feel identified with someone or something..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Have you ever experienced moments where you are cringed beyond any form of expressions that you can possibly cook up to express how-cringe-you-feel-at-that-moment? Well I just had two of those in like, (what?) less then 4 hours ago. Once was before heading for my Chem class while having my dinner while the other was during Chem itself.

Well first and foremost, to put things into perspective, while me and my mum were having our dinner at our local restaurant (someone has to do something about the lack of selection when in comes to food in this sleepy little town aka Sungai Petani btw), the restaurant owner was all of a sudden very "chatty" with my mum. And well, knowing my mum, it went from the current ailments that are inflicting the youngs all the way to the education of today.

And like every other education talk going out there, this one isn't spared from the classic "Oh, I'm so envious of my brother's children! They are like all so smart and their youngest son even recently gotten himself a scholarship to do med. If only my sons were as smart as them...." And my mum will be doing her classic phrase as well, "Can't say like that one la, everyone also have their capacity or ability of some sort one ma." (implied to me actually)

So cringe no 1 was me unable to digest the classic and oh-so-weary-phrase-of-so-smart-one served with the usual dose of nevermind-one-la. I will be like ermmm, okay, can I just have my meal now?

Now for cringe no 2, it's far worst and more cringyble than the 1st one. Why? Instead of a restaurant, try a class full of other students. AND instead of some owner of the restaurant, it's you Chem teacher making you cringe so badly that you wish you had actually dug a hole and hide in it. For reasons of my own, I shall not deliberate any further about it. But the hints however is really big-give-away when you put me, Ahmad, Munes, scholarship and Pn Gui into an ionic equation.

Ermm, although I'm partially (?) honoured that teacher hold me to such regards, but when said to a cynic who also so happen to suffer from a case lazy-bone syndrome, the result can only be a very, very cringy episode.

Well conclusion?

Talks of scholarships and the-usual-I-envy-your-edu-success make a certain sledge hammer wielding peacock very, very cringy indeed. (as how the lemon below would make you feel)

Because I'm bored.
Because I'm jobless.
Because I need a break.
Therefore, I have compile a list of random but somehow, relevant (?) to my life right now.

1. Good pens are hard to come by. (when they do come by, be sure to grab more!)
   
2. A smile is like a virtue, and like any other virtues out there - it can't be forced upon. (but I do need a couple of those, now and then)
   
3. A little tidiness and organizing goes a long way. (which would explain what I just did for the past 3 hours)
   
4. Sleeping sometimes do not necessarily solve all your problems. (then why do I still sleep as much as I do?)
   
5. Tears are in fact thicker than blood. (seriously)
   

On a side note, as of tomorrow my Moral Ed class will officially commence from 1 to 3pm every day of the weekday for the next two weeks. Which brings me to this - how the heck am I gonna live through that??

Okay, now that the mid-term break is finally here, what's next? Two weeks of much needed sleep, relaxation, and pure nonsensical nonsense perhaps? I seriously doubt I would get any of the above seeing how I am a fifth former, I am practically dictated to slave through this 2 weeks with nothing but books and extra-classes.

And fyi, you would think these people would have figured out by now that the whole speech on this is your final year or sacrifices are needed; don't usually (well more like always actually) work.

Oh well. As usual gotta pull through this somehow. Don't these kind of stuff usually work that way?

At the mean time, I will go brooding about my erm lack of self-motivation by having my lunch break.

And have I mention the weather right now is just plain fantastic? It look as if a storm is brewing up, with dark clouds hanging about and also with strong gusts of wind bellowing through the window. It look as if it's a scene taken out from the LoTR movie. You know the whole scene before the big fight thingy? It gives you precisely that grand, ominous vibe that I am feeling right now.

I am such a sucker for this kind of weather.

2 more days to go, with 6 papers left to take.

*keeping my finger cross over here*

Alright just got back home. All stinky and sweaty, but heck the bathrooms are occupied, so I will blog a bit while waiting for my turn. (See we actually have turns in my house. All that is lacking is a ticketing system, and hey presto, we have what you call as modern day red tapes/banking system.)

Anyway, today was our Teacher's Day celebration. nothing much to blog about seeing how every year, it's the same process. The assembly, the speech, the games, the performances, the speech, the singing and the speech. See how everything ends up like a vicious cycle? Never ending they say.

But this year, the school admin are actually smart seeing how they manage to make (al)most all students and teachers alike to attend today's all jolly celebration by holding an exam. (For us fifth former, it's our English Paper 1).

Well, the timing thing was a total flop. Instead of ending at 1, we end up leaving at 1 something (close to 2). But heck, aren't PMT +2 for occasion such as this? (Predetermined Meeting Time which is 1 or 2 hours later than PMT)

With that in mind together with the fun of watching the teachers doing their stuff on the field (after all, it's indeed rare to see the teachers all fired up and dress for the occasion for some fun and games under the sun but not unheard of) it's kinda funny. Not the funny kinda of HAHA, but more like a L.O.L sort of laugh going on.

And unexpectedly the cards we made for the teachers were strangely more then enough. Kinda puzzling how we manage to have 5 left when we only made 90 cards when there are over 97 teachers in our school. Oh well, at least you can't say Astronomy Club is for nothing right now. XD (I practically drill the name into teachers)

And on another unrelated note, got hit by a minor outbreak of allergic reaction. The frustrating part miraculously isn't the itchiness or the scratching part (although they do annoy the hell out of you) but it's not being able to pinpoint the cause of it. There was the Twisties a few years back. But now what? Well, thank god the modern medicine is way much more effective then some traditional rice wine being dabbled all over your body this time.

So overall, I would say it's a happy day for me. (happy in the sense, where there are no mood swings or PMS-ing syndrome on yours and truly) =P

Librium

a toss and a turn
on the
once smooth linen

why oh why
she asked
silence
was the answer

everything was in place
a flagon lies readily
filled to the brim
pillows all puff up

flabbergasted at herself
she was

it was now four
as dawn
was to greet her
she found
little comfort in it

hot flushes they call it

but nay
it couldnt be
as simple as that
she said
(could it?)

as stubborn as she was
she couldnt resist
it any further

consumed the librium
with a gulp of water
she did

alas she found sleep
alas she was at peace

[Footnote:Wrote this poem during my morning Account class - apparently out of boredom and a sudden stroke of inspiration. In case, you are interested, it's about a sleepless woman and her sleeping pills]

Just had my Chemistry and Account papers today. Out of the 10 papers I have sat for Chemistry along with History were plain depressing. They were suicidal, tough and I just had to completely screwed them up. Argh.

I kept on telling myself something must have gone wrong. May it be my planning or my fucked up brain right now. I can't tell whether I am stressed out by the examinations or with all those fucked up thoughts I have in my brain. I know there are times, when plans don't go as planned, but what I am feeling right now is utterly ridiculous. I don't even know what I am so upset about.

Is it the exams? At least I don't think so. I thought I had put behind the whole break it or do it mindset behind. Or could it be that I have never moved an inch from it in the first place?

Is it because my plans are so fucked up right now? I thought I had a perfect synergy thing going on over here. I know what I want. And know I am progressing towards it. But what's with all the hesitance and reluctances? There were moments where I just wanna do it. And surprisingly it turn out alright. Moments where I planned and calculated every single step towards it - the moment came, and everything came crashing along with it. What am I do now? To carry on with the plan? Or making it up as I go along? Instinct will tell me to go for the latter. But conscious is with the former.

Mood swings as I call them - along with the urge to strangle someone or anything out there.

Let it be known, that I have violent mood swings.

Let it be known that, "let it be know that.." is my catch phrase of today.

Let it be know, that Mid Year Examination is from May the 11th till Jun the 9th.

Let it be know that, I am totally flustered by it right now.

Let it be know that, this blog will undergo a fluctuation where updates will be at it's minimal till further notice.

Thank you.

Okay, I have less then 10 minutes to blog down a tons of stuff today, so do excuse me, if things get a bit too hasty over here. (God know what this boy can come up with in the spur of the moment)

First thing first, it's been almost a week now since the Kuala Muda/Yan District debate, but people are still talking about it. About how the whole event was a cunningly engineered conspiracy to let us people win. Dah-lah kena proud and rude, (and not to mention being labeled as a bunch of peacocks), now they are going overboard by saying that Sir actually spoke and somehow miraculously managed to brainwash the 5 adjudicators before the final which led to us winning. I have one thing to clarify over here, I actually admit the final was a close and tough one. The SMK Bakar Arang actually gave us a run for our money. They were kinda intimidating and impressive at the same time. They had a very (or a rather) convincing argument going on throughout the debate. But we had ours too. It was a parallel debate, where the Govt and the Opp had two diverging arguments and caselines. So it was up to the judges to make sense of the entire debate. So can we all officially leave this matter to rest? Rather than taking up justice to your own hands with a very convincing tool which is the Friendster?

Next, still on debate, heard news that State level is going to be on the 18th of Jun in the SMKKuala Ketil school. (Can anyone help clarify on this matter though? It's yet to be on black and white.) A bit worried over the dates, seeing how late the State is going to be held this year. I mean compared to last year, by now we should have finish the state level. Is there a reason for the JPN to have this year's State this late? Have the people over there actually considered how we the fifth formers have to actually take our trials??

And on a lighter note, finally did the blood test experiment today during Biology. As expected, I'm in the blood group B. (but only found today that I am B+!) And I just realized, I have no notion at all when it comes to SH. Maybe it's just a few minor cuts, but overall, I didn't thought I had the guts to bleed myself on purpose before. But I was proven wrong! Yes, I know this might not be something to be proud of, but how else would I know that I have such a healthy blood clotting system?

This might come in as a bit stale, but we won the district level debate!

The final was against SMK Bakar Arang. The whole debate itself was like deja vu. A complete repeat of last year final (minus the irksome and barbaric nature of the entire proceeding itself). But you know what? I manage to earn myself another nickname. Not only I am label as a proud peacock, I now have rude and impudent under my belt.

But thanks to that, I now have sufficient fuel to complete the upcoming laps. Funny how things manage to slingshot itself and hit you right back at your forehead ain't it?

The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark. - Babara Hall

Putra, if you are somehow reading this don't get mad, okay? I can't find a better way of expressing how I feel right now, other then your fav phrase of "Oh My Dear!" (seriously)

Tomorrow, will be our final practice prior to our District Debate Competition. Somehow, have this very very mix rojak feeling inside me. Part of me, what to just do it *cough-Nike*. Where as, another part of me feel, as if I'm not doing as much as I should/could. And of course, mix with a dash of euphoria, stress, hesitance and reluctance is enough to make anyone puke. I mean can a perfectly ordinary human being have that much taking place in his brain (or stomach in this case)?

And another worrying fact would be I just realized at today's practice, Putra is bitten by some fever or flu bug. While Ben has a brother who is currently having chickenpox while he is yet to have it. Me who is currently suffering from an on and off running nose and a slight fever. And Vj who is somewhat bulmic right now.

If on Sunday, somehow or someway we are all miraculously down.....

I hate to imagine what will happen.

Well at least according to the teachers, it's normal to be (or feel) abnormal right now. But somehow, I am not buying that. I mean, I don't remember the 5 of us to being like that. In fact, now that I look at it, last year's journey seems as if we are making it up as we go along. Kinda niffty, now that I look at it.

I suppose all these are the tides before the storm, eh? (or is it another tempest brewing up?) Either way, there is nothing much to do right now, but just to go for it!

And also to ' Pa ma lung ana bu ti ke' the other teams as well!!! *grins*

Till then, there won't be any new updates. Wish us luck, will you?

Today is a very, very strange and not to mention an awkward day. It was a mixture of jiwang-ness which also mean emo-ness (in English) and also a self realizing (or shall I say an enlightening) moment of my life.

I admit I am an introvert. And for the being the cynical introvert that I am, I don't open up that easily. So when I decided to speak up today - it was kinda funny, uncomfortable and yet it has that dash of familiarity in it.

It started with me discussing (more like contemplating) about the prospect of the team for what seems like a gazillion time with Ben. Of late we kept on having these kind of discussions, which I have to admit brought in more questions than answers in them.

After of our very long walk to the front of the school gate and all the way back to our 'all-holy-room', we decided it's time to be outright honest with the others. (Or at least I think so?)

First it was Vijay. Then, the same thing was repeated to Putra. I would love to say it was a heart to heart talk where we finally get to iron up all the reluctance, issues and hesitance pent up among ourselves but the real solution came in the form of a girl who calls herself an oyxmoronic rubber ball of cheer. (yes you know who I am talking about!)

The answer was simple, direct and straight-to-the-point.

I can now proudly admit, there aren't anything left holding us back to run that 400m 400X5m race!

Thanks everyone!


PS-And thanks for the timely wake up call! I really need a good smack on my head back then!
PPS- And to my personal belief, I think Ben need one too. Right, Ben? *poke*

Okay, I have to admit my previous post is indeed kinda negative. But heck is there a time in this little pet project of mines, where there isn't a single shred of negativity/sarcasm/cynicism? If you are looking for some blissfully fictitious tale on life, then I'm afraid you are in the wrong place right now. Feel free to disengage yourself of such nonsense.

For today's random segment, I shall enlighten my dear readers on the woe(s) one has to endure living in Petani Jaya. You wanna know what are those 2 woes of mines?

1. Horny bunch of cats making out/fighting/god-knows-doing what in the middle of the night.
2. The very inconsiderate bunch of factories nearby polluting the environment on a daily basis.

It seems of late the stray cats in Petani Jaya have an inextinguishable passion towards the art of copulating in the vicinity of my house. And on an interesting note, not only these bunch of cats (some are house pet while mostly are the stray cats) love making out, they apparently like a healthy dose of cat fights. Nevermind the occupants living in the surrounding area, these cats really love making all sort of strange noises while doing well, what they love doing.

On the other hand, we also have the rampant air pollution going on. Over the years, sad to say, it has been noted that there is an noticeable 'increase' in the level of air pollution. Rain or shine, (rain in particular) the factories never fail to supply us residents with a healthy dose of -

• ammonia
  
  
• carbon monoxide
  
  
• nicotine
  
  
• nitric oxide
  
  
• hydrogen cyanide
  
  
• mercury
  
  
• tar
  
  
• toxic trace metals
  
• and some other materials which I don't-know-what
  

So there you go ladies and gentlemen. Health hazard much living in Petani Jaya? Not really as I'm sure the above problems (perhaps even more dire ones) can be found somewhere else. I should be glad actually. The price for development, eh?

The above describes my feeling exactly. Why is that I get this nagging feeling in my head that the bunch of us are going down hill rather than running up that hill? Is it because we worked better back then? Is it because we were binded by some weird bond that was nonsensicality? Or is it because we are missing you?

I seriously won't know how to deal with it should that moment come knocking at my door once again. I'm clueless and lost. I'm confused with what the others want. Confused with myself. And me going to school today didn't make me feel any much better. Instead, it only serve as a reminder how pathetic foolish I can be.

I know most of the above doesn't make much sense. But I doubt my 17 years of life on this earth made much sense anyway.

Whoooo!!!!!!!!!!!

My Internet is finally back!!!!!!!

That would be so cool if I had actually posted today's entry about approximately 4 days ago.

Well, due to exams and the usual monopolizing going on in my home, I doubt today's post will come off with any surprise. =.="

Anyway, have loads to catch up upon! I have forgo my poor little drama series for far too long! I shall do it justice my finishing the remaining 7 episodes in one go! I shall have to update my playlist and anime download as well!

Now to take a dive into the highly-nonsensical, bizarrely weird and seemingly un-eventful life of this blogger. (In case you are wondering, yes, I'm well aware all the above adjectives above are highly contradictory.)

First there was the shortest camp I ever attended/participated/enrolled or forced upon. It was a supposedly "kursus kepimipinan" organized by the school counselling department which turn out to be a dry,boring series of lectures. Yours truly over here, actually yawned like a gazillion times which were all convincingly covered up except for that one time during the effective "komunikasi session" where the lecturer actually spotted me yawning. And all of a sudden, I became her example on how to communicate effectively. Don't ask me how she managed to relate those two together as I'm still clueless about it. The food however was an entirely different matter. Within that 24 hour camp, we actually had about 7 to 8 meals!

Next, was our April tropical exam. I'm, starting to get the feeling that all these years under the Malaysian education system, we are actually trained to be numb to all the hours we spend sitting in our comfortable seats. Yes, you know which part of the body I'm referring to. SO there you go, who say we aren't learning anything under our present system?

Anyhow, for now, I shall have to leave today's post as it is.

Time is running out!

So it's finally April, eh? Guess you don't need another reminder about how time flies right? I have this notion that, the phrase, "time flies" has and will continue to be used uncompromisingly in the near future. It's more like a mental note to myself. A mental note on a virtual note to remind myself but at the same to serve as an annoying reminder to other as well.

Am I being nonsensical again? Must I even ask?

Anyway, gonna be pretty tied up for the weeks to come. A supposedly leadership camp to participate, debate(s) to prepare and trash out and the April test to prepare. So a pretty exciting month don't you think so?

To be honest from this point hence forth, I'm not really sure what is there for me to blog about, so I will just have to blog something that comes directly to my mind. Another part in life, we call spontaneous writing.

First we have the insecurities. What insecurities you may ask? Well, this insecurities encompasses all. It can be every single shred of doubt one may have about himself or about other thing/stuff/people or just a mere hesitance on an issue. I once (more like a gazillion times) watched this debating video. The speaker came up and said "There are 3 types of truths. Your truth, my truth and everyone's truth.." But I have to say, in this case - my insecurities, I can't dogmatically profess it's everyone's insecurities.

Therefore, it will just be my problem against everyone or everything.

Insecurity no 1: In an sociological relationship. Why do we trust people when we know that there will always be a chance of them lying or betray our trust? Because of our ignorance? Our hopeful nature that they won't? Or is it because we know they can, and will do so, but choose to let it be? Or perhaps we don't have an option to begin with.

Or even perhaps I'm doing the same thing as everyone out there is doing.

Insecurity no. 2 : The lack of faith/confidence with oneself. I know I can do it. I did it. But still, it will always sound weak and hallow to oneself. Why is it so? Is it course we believe we can do better? Or that we SHOULD have done better? Clueless about that one.

Insecurity no. 3 : The future. Honestly, I believe more people will agree with me on this one. Most of the time, (I repeat most of the time) we know what we are doing. And we are working towards it. But still, when the thing comes right up to your face which in this case the future, tomorrow or call it whatever you may please, are we REALLY prepared for it? Sometimes, we are pleasantly shock by it. Sometimes disappointed by it. In this case, can we still say we know what we are involving ourself into? When the only thing certain bout tomorrow is about the uncertainty itself?

I guess that's enough ramblings for now.

I shall simple end today's post with lyrics from this song which I find myself strangely addicted to;

Honesty...
Is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.

Honesty...
Is hardly ever heard.
But mostly is what I need from you.

Can anyone guess what song it is?