Swiped from williamcho

The flashy lights piercing the smoke screen. All is lost within the wave of hands with the booming noise as the background. As midnight beckons on the rest, one soul can't help but wonder - "Will this open up more doors?" The sound of merry making is still at large after all.

Dear Dreams,

To be frankly honest, I rarely think of you. Unlike the common Joe, I do not define you. Not in the strictest sense at least. When, I was a wee little lad, perhaps, all I had was a preconceived image of you - in a suit or a lab coat. But even so, it was because I needed it to shut the others up. It sounded almost like a mechanical response then. And occasionally, it still sounds like one now.

But I am slowly progressing. Inch by inch, I am starting to re-define you in a clearer light. I do not wish to see you from an economical point of view. Neither, do I wish to view you in terms of status or as a mere goal in attaining the fable "5 C's" of the malehood.

Instead, I want you to be my faithful companion. Through thick or thin, ebb or flow, high or low, up or down, I want you to be there. Omnipresent and guiding. I wish to be contented at any given point of my life. I wish to contribute as well as making a difference. However, small it is, I hope to at least preserve my ideals.

Can I count on you for that much?

With Regards,
Yours

soufflé of clouds

lazying around

i await for them to arrive

Dear Reflection,

What happen to that euphoric rush that you felt just two days ago? Has it free fall to the point where only fear and insecurities are left? What happen to the iron like conviction that you had when you swiftly decided to make the call? Was all that chased away by those intimidating jargons? Of ICA, IPA, Prinsep, and whatnots.

Search. Search deeper for a reason to fly. To fly into the unknown waters. To be a minority amongst the minorities. Resolve the issues at hand and find the lion's courage to smile in the face of uncertainties. No one may know what the future holds. Hence, the urgency to count your blessing and make the best out of it.

Go forth and be merry once more. For you are me, and I am you.

Sincerely,
Yours

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favourite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

I used to have fears of parting. Parting with friends, family, home and basically all things familiar to me. But one day, I came up with an awesome solution. Rather than looking at those partings on a face value, I will look at their merits. Of the stories behind each individual; those special moments and even those nondescript moments. They will all serve as a reminder should I ever feel off beaten that I had the ups before I had the downs. That they all count for something and that nothing is ever a waste or a miss.

So to my friends, family, home and basically all things familiar, we had our good ol' times no? No matter where the road takes me next, I know I will have all of you to fall back to.

Another memento to fall back to.

The last 8 hours have been a most distressing one for my family and I. Without the slightest hint nor warning, my grandmother had a mini stroke. At the time of incident, none of us knew what caused her to become so emotionally labile. Her slurred speech may perhaps be an indicator of what is taking place. But really, we just panicked. It was sheer madness with a mix of confusion and fright.

In hindsight, the decision to bring her to the clinic for an initial diagnosis and the subsequent decision to send her to the hospital may be validated by the doctor's diagnosis of her suffering from a minor stroke. But really.. It was too close of a shave. All sort of what-ifs were playing our heads. What if we shrugged of the episode and opt to observe her for another night at home instead? What if the clinic did not answer my late call for an emergency check up? What if it took place at Alor Star instead of SP?

I am telling myself all that matters, is that the right course of action was taken and that most importantly she is now getting the proper medical attention that she needs at the ICU. However,this time around, the what-ifs are particularly harder to ignore. Not after what I have witnessed first hand.

August is finally here, and I am still as clueless as ever. It can be so irksome at times when people ask me questions that I have no actual answer to them. Like - where are you studying after this? What course will you be doing? Hayioo, why you don't want to go oversea? What you wanna become next time if study that?

Swear to God, I find the whole thing to be so vexing at times that, I don't know why I get so annoyed anymore when confronted with such questions. Is it because, the people who ask them aren't genuinely sincere in knowing my progress and that their merely being ke pohs? Or that asking such questions has become such a mechanical formality to the extent, every now and then, there is a need to reinstate such questionings? Part of the annoyance can also be credited to the simple fact that I have NO real answers to them.

1. Yes, I am hoping to get into one of the Singapore Unis namely, NTU or SMU.
2. No, I do not know what course I will be doing there. The whole admission thing still hinges on my A Level results which will be out in about 11 days or so. But if you insist on knowing, it will most likely be a degree in business or accounting. Definitely, in the commerce line.
3. Yes, I have considered other options of studying elsewhere prior to this. I have taken into account of studying at UK, US, Australia and even Cannada for that matter.
4. No, I do not have the sort of money nor the financial means to sustain my edu at those countries.
5. No, I do not know what I will become in the future. Probably an accountant if I don't go to Singapore as I will be doing my ACCA in Malaysia instead.
6. No, it doesn't get any clearer than this.

Let it be know that, though I have a penchant of recycling the above as replies when attacked with mind numbing questions of my plans, track and whatnot, those are NOT my real answers. I wish I can take the time to explain to the mass public on the ongoing dilemma I am battling everyday in my head. Of the Art stream against Science stream argument. Of the dichotomy between choosing a solid career prospect or a 3 years of university life which will the crucial shaping point of my life.

Really, I do wish I am able to take the time to work up the courage to divulge all of my fears, insecurities and misconceptions to those pesky people. But I don't. For most of the time that's that. My answers to such questions usually end at no. 5.

Now that I have all of that cleared up, it's really time for me to nurse myself back to health. I have never been this sick since my secondary schooling days.