a story in progress

I am sure most of you are familiar with the term soul searching. For those who don't, well basically soul searching means the very act of facing one's inmost self with courage - determined to bring every ulterior thought, emotion, and motive to light. To be honest, I am kinda into these soul searching business. I strongly believe that by going on a soul searching journey, one would be able to achieve a state of clarity, quiescent and tranquille. One would definitely stand to gain a lot by the very act of soul searching.

Therefore holding to such beliefs, I always have the thoughts of going on a soul searching journey once my SPM is over, at the back of head. But at the mean time, I try to read up as much as possible on any available information on soul searching.

And by a stroke of coincidence and luck, I managed to came across an article that tells the very basis of soul searching - which so happens to being honest to oneself. It also tells that the easiest way of achieving that is to compile a list. The list may be anything about yourself - from your deepest secrets to your personal traits. As long as it is deem relevant to yourself, compile up to a minimum of 50 random stuff about yourself. As soon as your done with that, the list is supposedly placed at a position visible to you on a daily basis. I am kinda clueless on this step though. Is it suppose to serve as a constant reminder to oneself, so that he or she can reflect upon the list and improve further in life? And whats with the significance of the number 50? Can't it be any number lesser then that?

Undoubtedly, I heed the advice of that particular article and went ahead with that list. After much digging and pondering, I only managed to compile up to 53 random stuff which you might or might not know about me. Of course knowing myself, I could have went much further, but then again I highly doubt that it would be deemed relevant by the time I reached the hundredth something.

As for the last step, I decided to take it up a to a whole new level - instead of pasting the list somewhere in my bedroom, I will go ahead and post in my blog instead! Well I suppose that's considered facing one's inmost self with courage.

Anyway here's a list of some totally random stuff about me which you might or might not know about me.

1. I am a sleepwalker.
2. I have taken steroids before.
3. I have food allergies.
4. I have no talent or whatsoever in music or art.
5. I have never had the chicken pox before.
6. I used to bite my fingernails.
7. I am into shōjo.
8. I am an agnostic.
9. I am afraid of heights.
10. I love money more then my blood relatives.
11. I dislike participating in sport games.
12. I am a rather vain person.
13. I have moved more than once.
14. I cry easily.
15. I state the obvious.
16. I am more of a mummy’s boy.
17. I cheated on my exams before.
18. I hate the feeling of failing and being helpless.
19. I am a perfectionist.
20. I have been on stage before.
21. I hate it when people are late.
22. I burnt myself on numerous occasions before.
23. I am a firm believer in first impression and body language.
24. I am a level 2 otaku.
25. I enjoy picking up a different language.
26. I love sleeping.
27. I am a chameleon.
28. I enjoy and hate the feeling of being alone.
29. I have a habit of talking to myself.
30. I am into soul searching.
31. I love to read.
32. I been in a fight once.
33. I sing in the shower.
34. I like to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself.
35. I am a liar.
36. I am a hypocrite.
37. I take people/things for granted.
38. I hate being left out.
39. I am a long winded person.
40. I used to be afraid of the dark.
41. I am an indecisive person.
42. I can be quite selfish at times.
43. I love window shopping around the mall.
44. I act naïve at time to gain attention.
45. I am into poetry and philosophy.
46. I dream of playing the piano.
47. I enjoy gazing at the sky above.
48. I tend to curse to myself.
49. I am a self conflicting thinker.
50. I despise the arcade.
51. I get annoyed easily at times.
52. I hate being judged and told what to do.
53. I had several emotional breakdowns before.

So there I was, surfing the Internet for some enlightenment as I stumble upon this rather prajna site. Guess what? It's none other then our very own Lembaga Peperiksaan Malaysia website! So out of curiosity, I have a little peep at it. And guess what else I managed to find?

The 2008 SPM timetable! Mind you, according to that site the timetable is supposed to be a cadangan only.

Then again, the time table above obviously isn't the concluding version for next year's SPM. Well at least not yet - according to this letter.

These few days have been kinda animated for me. Ongoing renovations have been done here and there around my house to replace all the windows. Oh god, I hate the noise, mess and not to mention the inconvenience caused by it.


Amidst all the renovation works, I did however managed to spend the whole morning reading To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. The main reason I bought this book in the first place was because of the good reviews that I have been getting about this book. Besides that, this book supposedly sold over 30 million copies. That of course, just makes you wana get a copy yourself - after all how often do you come across a book which almost top the sale of the Bible in life? So there I was in Popular, getting myself a copy of this highly acclaimed literature piece.

At first sight, this novel might seem like your every other fictional works that deals with a fictional family with the father as a lawyer dealing with his daily case. Well in short, that is the basis of the story. Nonetheless, this novel offer much more then that. The tale of the widowed father, Atticus - a middle aged lawyer (for his real age wasn't specified throughout the novel) defending a black man called Tom for rapping a young white woman named Mayella. (technically Mayella isn't a pure white woman, rather she is a mix between a white man and a black woman) is a truly enlightening and thought-provoking tale. Told in the eyes of Atticus's daughter Scout Finch, the novel's main theme is about racism or rather racial injustice way back then in the South (as if we don't have racism nowadays) and also the loss of innocence (the death of the innocents in other word).

What I really like about this novel, is the ability of the author to skillfully weave a tale filled with such details, emotions, sarcasm, cynicism, humour and complexities. All of this which are narrated from the point of view of a child filled with such innocence and naivety.

I have to say the significance and the meaning of this novel is also worth mentioning. The title itself is very intriguing indeed. Took me some time later to figure out the reason on why the author choose to use the mockingbird motif throughout the story. Here's a little snippet from the novel itself which might give you some clue or idea on the title of this novel;

A Summer Silhouette by Lim Kar-Men

If I can't bring myself to say it right now,
Our summer together might end soon,
I have no confidence that-
I can fake my smile,
But I still smiled at the very least,
The heels of my shoes are worn out,
But let me wear them once again.
Let me start walking-
By first swallowing my sighs,
The wind blowing through the dusk has a scent of autumn,
I used to think that the day just like today would last forever-
Even if I don't wish for it,
I can hear sirens through the open window,
I wonder at what speed am I walking towards the future?
I feel the lives that we lived have little significance indeed,
If only one wish could become true,
What kind of wish would you pick as yours?
I kept pondering until;
I realized the night was coming right next to me,
That day where we began to run,
It was the sign of a new beginning,
If only one wish could become true,
What kind of wish would you pick as yours?
I kept pondering until;
I realized the night was coming right next to me.

What the fuck?! I just realize there is some serious error /glitch going on in this blog!

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