a story in progress

Let me start this by saying;

HERE WE COME KELANTAN!!!!

Hahaha. This is the 3rd year in the running, the SMK Ibrahim debate team is representing the state for national. Well what can I say about the 3 debates that took place today? Well, hectic, tiring, exhausting and also it actually makes one's blood pressure rise up - or it could just be me alone with the temper flaring up issue? =P (I think someone here needs an anger management course) But still the matches were immensely satisfying and everyone was really sporting with it (well at least i think the majority are). Meet a whole bunch new friends as well. (right Vj?)

But allow me to stress that, we wouldn't never have made this far without the support of our fellow teachers and comrades in arms which specifically include Mani, Kugan and Patricia. We seriously owe you fellas a treat la! Always being there for us, giving us moral support as well as the nourishment in the form of breads, buns and most importantly for a certain someone - Coke. Can't believe from last week till today we actually have a regular dosage of Cokes and Ferry buns. Haha. And also Sir's essence of chicken! (Have we been free loading too much I wonder?)

But you know what?

From this point onwards I think I will just enjoy the journey as it and live every moment of it to the fullest.

Yup. I think I will do just that.

Tomorrow will be our state level! This time SMK Kuala Ketil will be the host, meaning the entire debate team will have to travel down (or is it up?) to Baling. Hmm. Don't think I have ever been there before. Or have I? Either way, the stakes are high tomorrow. So are our emotions currently! =P

Keeping my fingers cross over here...

Okay, I admit my previous post is kinda depressing. But in a way, I am very very grateful for my friends being out there (well maybe they might not exist solely for me, but I find much comfort in that too). So a very heartfelt thanks form this resident blogger whom suffers from nasty mood swings now and then.

Today was a really, really tiring day at school. Despite the fact I got permission to skip the entire week of lessons, having to cram up in the hall preparing for some low-key prize giving for the afternoon session wasn't a real comfort either. I know HAC is meant to be a student affair, where students' achievements are acknowledge , but heck why should there be so much emphasis for some VIP who couldn't be bother? Somehow last year's incident still manage to strike a chord. Call me xiao qi but heck rude is still rude in any day of mines regardless of who you are.

That aside, today was extra tiring compared to the other debate sessions would be having to juggle the Club meeting as well. Argh. Had some telematch which is loosely translated to I-have-no clue-but-I-am-desperate-anyway.

And on a side note, anyone up for a game of frisbee? Thou shall find more info on this forum. If it's possible, there might even be a game held at our very own Farmer's River. Pretty cool, eh?

Just got home from an early dinner with mum. Somehow, in that 1 hour time span, I manage to feel somewhat dejected and all blur at the same time - though a more accurate word would be dampened.

Meet a certain someone who I get to know at school only the beginning of this year which turn out to be a long time acquaintance of my parents. I didn't know I meet her before when I was still a little child back then. And I certainly didn't know it was her. A startling revelation which follow suit. One that left a very bitter taste on my behalf.

What came next was an equal blow itself. I wasn't counting for myself to get through as I kinda form my own conclusion after waiting for 3 months without a single whisper of news; but when it was officially seal today that I didn't get the ASEAN Scholarship, some part of me felt...empty. I wasn't laying any hopes in it from the very start. I even comforted others and was all nonchalant about it. But when it came - I would never had imagined I will end up feeling this low. Why I wonder? Well at this juncture, I wished the two of you all the best with the entrance exams tomorrow (I suppose). It's good to know at least some of us did managed to get shortlisted for the scholarship.

And on another note, I have never felt so lowly of myself this far. Did somewhere along the road I had end up compromising with my own principle? To think I would end up being walked all over by another for not standing up for myself and to end up pushing another at the same time, knowing perfectly well I wouldn't like being pushed the same way.

What have I gone wrong?

So with the Mid-year examinations finally settled, you thought life would be a bit easier. But think again! With the sudden mad obsessions (more like the usual rushing for last min works) for marks aside, I still have debate at my hand. If there were to be a graph to measure the debating euphoria - it will be of the charts!

Our state will be on the 18th which is this upcoming Wednesday! So there will be a lot of cutting classes moments going on between the 7 of us, but that's somewhat okay with the teachers seeing how they are busy with the upcoming HAC as well.

But on a more serious note, after the holidays we have had half of the year behind us already. With about roughly 150++ days to go till SPM, I should be seriously hitting the books.

So for the most obvious reasons mentioned above, do pardon this blogger if he doesn't update that very often.

You know what? I won't pretend to say I understand how it feels like to loose someone close. Nor can I relate to how it feels like to have the passing of someone whom you treasured right in front of your eyes - simply because I never had those moments before. Or rather I am yet to experienced such moments before. At such it would be an outright lie, for me to say "I understand" or "I am sorry for your loss". Those words sounded outright hallow and meaningless; such are the nature of a mechanical formality albeit a much needed formality anyway.

But through the course of last week, may it be by fate, by chance, by luck or by the nature of life itself, I managed to somewhat experienced the scene of death. I may not be one of those few who are closely affected by it, but I can somehow admit, being older this time, I can at least comprehend the nature of such events - a point of paramount significance some might say.

I have seen how people have desperately justify themselves. How people have settle their animosity for others aside. I have also seen how some people will never seem to change. Seeing all those makes me wonder, how will I react if I were to be it their shoes? Quite frankly, I don't know.

But I do know one thing for certain. Having that sense of regret of not being able to do enough or unable to be there at those final moments - is in fact far worst than facing the prospect of death itself. I wouldn't want the rest of my life being haunted by that sense of regret of not being able to cherish the one we love when they are alive.

There are quite a number of things in life which I did without knowing why I did it nor knowing what drove me to do it in the first place. Even so, I did it anyway. Perhaps, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter why we did it. We may have a pure intention in doing it without expecting anything in return. We may be harbouring selfish or an ulterior motive. We may even be outright clueless. But all in all, we did it anyway.

So what made me did it the other night?

I don't know.

But I did it anyhow.

That alone makes all the difference in the world.