a story in progress

Yes, ladies and gentlemen it has been one year since I last establish this weblog of mines. It would be a cliche to say this, but I never once thought I would have come this far, one year back. Again, isn't life proven to be a personification of ironies and contradictions? Expect the unexpected they say. But heck with it, I say nitwit, blubber and tweak! Those are the only mantra you ever need to carry on living in this dog eat dog world. Human eat dog world to be more precise though. But a more scary thought would be human eating other humans - cannibalism in other words.

Before I start to lose track amidst all the randomness, it's best I get to my point. Basically, today's post is about reminiscing the past. Ahh. The part where I get to say the good old days. So guys, if you are the sort of person who dislike mushy stuff or emo stuff - it's best you stay out of this! Spend your time in a more constructive way. Such as killing of your brain cells, playing those online games or even rot in moral decadence. All which are kinda popular nowadays. With the adults at least. They always debate bout it as if it's a matter of life and death. On a second thought, it might really be about a matter of life and death after all. Oh heck, there I go again, drifting to some void of randomness. Dang.

Anyway about a year ago, I was drifting about - aimlessly and suffering from what I would like to remember as a emo part of my life. The part where those little buggers call 'teenage raging hormones' run wild. This weblog was something I came up with after much failure with the first one and also as a place to dive into. After much scrutiny, fallacies and thinking about, only did I made this public. Now that I look back at it, I'm uncertain - on whether to take a good laugh on myself or take another plunge. Regardless of that, life still goes on.

I took up the phrase Raison d'être as the title of my weblog simply because it means the reason for being. A French phrase in case you didn't realize that. At that particular time, it sounded right to me anyway.

Here's a retrospect of my life so far. Every year there seem to be something happening that bears some significances - in one way or another.

When I was seven - I was nearly placed in a Chinese school, in hopes that I can pick up both Mandarin and English. But thank god, I wasn't send there at the end. Instead, I landed myself in a national school together with my brother. I know it's weird saying this but somehow, I just don't really like the mindset of those Chinese educated people. Them being critical towards others who are not well versed in Mandarin and their narrow-minded really tick me off. No offense of course to those who are from Chinese school. Some of my closest friends are from there after all. It's just that I don't agree with their mindset. I'm sorry if I offended anyone but this is a personal retrospect on my life after all.

When I was twelve - Someone really dear to me has left to study in Australia. She is yet to come back despite all this years, but I hope she is doing well right now over there. I miss her dearly. It's safe to say I wouldn't be who I am today without her - always nurturing and guiding me. At the mean time, during that year itself, something else happen which I will never forget for the rest of my life. That argument which broke off thanks to a third party, nearly destroy my life and everything I ever cherish. The wounds from that incident are yet to heal completely. Scars from that day are still visible. One thing lead to another series of events. All which are sparked off by one and another. If the whole thing wasn't salvage bit by bit, again I wouldn't be who I am right now.

When I was fourteen - I did something which I will regret for the rest of my life. Something which I never took the chance to apologize for. I'm very sorry for what I did back then. If only time can be that forgiving. I'm still awaiting for the day where I shall receive my karma for the things I have done.

When I was fifteen - It was a depressing year for me. A year where emotions and dramas run high. Not only did I lack the common sense and rational - I did certain rash things which again I live to regret. Somehow, back then everything seem so right to me. But again one incident lead to another. I'm sorry if I did anything selfish then to hurt those around me. It was never my intention to do so. However, it was again at that year I realized something important. Some sort of enlightenment if you might say so. It was then I devoted myself to this in hopes that I keep my life in one piece.

This year - Was one of my best schooling life ever. I discovered the passion of debating. Though, it's not something I'm extremely good in it or that sort but something in it which will most certainly remain a part of me for the rest of my life. It gave me something to look forward to and to keep on treading upon this path. I'm sure those who have similar experience can relate to how I feel about this entire affair.

Somehow, after all the leap and bound - I'm still searching for it. If you are the sort of person to believe in God, the correct phrase would be that "God works in mysterious way". If you are an atheist, well life is just ironic, contradictory with a dash of cynic.

Christmas is just around the corner. With another Christmas, I'm forced to remind myself I'm closer then ever to reality. Or have I been in one all this while without realizing it? No matter. All I want for this Christmas is world peace and a mutual understanding between people of all race and walks of life. Oh alright then, I confess, that was a lie. There is nothing much that a cynic like me can hope for. My wish is like very other wish I ever made in my life - the strength to carry on.

Well, Merry Christmas guys! (Don't over do it with all the food and drinks. Not to mention with the presents as well)

Quoting Gavin Yap - "This Christmas, instead of giving each other presents, let's just spend time together and just be grateful that we have each other in our lives"