a story in progress

I am sure most of you are familiar with the term soul searching. For those who don't, well basically soul searching means the very act of facing one's inmost self with courage - determined to bring every ulterior thought, emotion, and motive to light. To be honest, I am kinda into these soul searching business. I strongly believe that by going on a soul searching journey, one would be able to achieve a state of clarity, quiescent and tranquille. One would definitely stand to gain a lot by the very act of soul searching.

Therefore holding to such beliefs, I always have the thoughts of going on a soul searching journey once my SPM is over, at the back of head. But at the mean time, I try to read up as much as possible on any available information on soul searching.

And by a stroke of coincidence and luck, I managed to came across an article that tells the very basis of soul searching - which so happens to being honest to oneself. It also tells that the easiest way of achieving that is to compile a list. The list may be anything about yourself - from your deepest secrets to your personal traits. As long as it is deem relevant to yourself, compile up to a minimum of 50 random stuff about yourself. As soon as your done with that, the list is supposedly placed at a position visible to you on a daily basis. I am kinda clueless on this step though. Is it suppose to serve as a constant reminder to oneself, so that he or she can reflect upon the list and improve further in life? And whats with the significance of the number 50? Can't it be any number lesser then that?

Undoubtedly, I heed the advice of that particular article and went ahead with that list. After much digging and pondering, I only managed to compile up to 53 random stuff which you might or might not know about me. Of course knowing myself, I could have went much further, but then again I highly doubt that it would be deemed relevant by the time I reached the hundredth something.

As for the last step, I decided to take it up a to a whole new level - instead of pasting the list somewhere in my bedroom, I will go ahead and post in my blog instead! Well I suppose that's considered facing one's inmost self with courage.

Anyway here's a list of some totally random stuff about me which you might or might not know about me.

1. I am a sleepwalker.
2. I have taken steroids before.
3. I have food allergies.
4. I have no talent or whatsoever in music or art.
5. I have never had the chicken pox before.
6. I used to bite my fingernails.
7. I am into shōjo.
8. I am an agnostic.
9. I am afraid of heights.
10. I love money more then my blood relatives.
11. I dislike participating in sport games.
12. I am a rather vain person.
13. I have moved more than once.
14. I cry easily.
15. I state the obvious.
16. I am more of a mummy’s boy.
17. I cheated on my exams before.
18. I hate the feeling of failing and being helpless.
19. I am a perfectionist.
20. I have been on stage before.
21. I hate it when people are late.
22. I burnt myself on numerous occasions before.
23. I am a firm believer in first impression and body language.
24. I am a level 2 otaku.
25. I enjoy picking up a different language.
26. I love sleeping.
27. I am a chameleon.
28. I enjoy and hate the feeling of being alone.
29. I have a habit of talking to myself.
30. I am into soul searching.
31. I love to read.
32. I been in a fight once.
33. I sing in the shower.
34. I like to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself.
35. I am a liar.
36. I am a hypocrite.
37. I take people/things for granted.
38. I hate being left out.
39. I am a long winded person.
40. I used to be afraid of the dark.
41. I am an indecisive person.
42. I can be quite selfish at times.
43. I love window shopping around the mall.
44. I act naïve at time to gain attention.
45. I am into poetry and philosophy.
46. I dream of playing the piano.
47. I enjoy gazing at the sky above.
48. I tend to curse to myself.
49. I am a self conflicting thinker.
50. I despise the arcade.
51. I get annoyed easily at times.
52. I hate being judged and told what to do.
53. I had several emotional breakdowns before.

Sigh. I could be even doing this whole soul searching stuff just for the sake of getting rid of my boredom and not to mention to waste my time glued to the front of the computer screen. I'm highly skeptical about the last part of the soul searching article though. As for now, I am yet to see any changes in me.

Perhaps this soul searching journey is meant to be dealt step by step. Presumably over the years only one might see the significance of the entire journey. Till then I can only pray for that day to come.