a story in progress

Yesterday at tution,nearly felt like crying.Somehow my eyes seem to be watery and I know it wasn't because I am sleepy or something like that.I just hold on.As soon as I got back home,I really tought to myself.'What was that emotion that I just felt rushing through me?' perhaps its just that I am thinking too much.I can seriously admit something.During Additional Math class, I used to think more than any where else.Perhaps you can say my mind wondered off easily especially during Add Math tuiton.But it's nothing much to be worried about guys.I am just doing my stuff as usual..Thinking that is..I used to think as (still thinking) I have total control of every aspect of my life.From my lifestyle to my attidude.I used to pride myself with my own sense of maturity.However, yesterday's incident last year's one clearly proves me wrong.I wonder.How long will I keep on telling myself I have control?Lets be honest to ourselves, why don't we?How much is my 'control' over my own life?

Thats what been bugging me for awhile..

But on a lighter note..

Exam,exam,exam.Thats what I have been hearing,doing and thinking about for this two weeks.Gotta admit,this is the longest exam/test I ever had in my life!My I suppose overall it didn't turn out that bad as expected.I was thinking and kept on saying I am gonna fail,fail,fail.But now who cares already?Its over for now.And the best part about yesterday is going out for a movie right after my exam.Sure the movie that we watched wasn't as exciting nor half-the fun of Pirates of the Carribean.But I am getting to there!Tommorow if all well that ends well that I should be able to watch it..Hehe (so god damn excited).Yet yesterday wasn't that bad was it?Had a very smooth and one of a time outing trip since a very long time.So I am really glad about it. For once if I can avoid politics I will avoid it with every effort for it.

Andof course with the holiday begining.everyone is busy with their routine already.Well so am I any way.its a busy,busy little world that we all live in.Time and tide wait for no one!

By the way below there is a clip for all you people to enjoy.Its one of my few personal favourite song Flavor of Life-Ballad Version- by Utada Hikaru.This songs compares life to a Green Peper tempura.A manifestation of Utada's emotion is potray through this song.Me just love it!

Finally,managed to squeezed some time to update this blog.It seems like a very long time already where I actually blog on my daily happenings..

Well of late been busy with the debating competition.In fact it has been bout 3 months already since I first joinned the team.Sweet memories I suppose.Any way,before I start getting all emotional, gotta blog this down..

We are going to Sarawak!!!!!

Hehe..Well,going there is for the national level already.Somehow, still couldn't believe that all of us managed to get this far..Its not that I am trying to be modest or some sort.Its just that I never didn't imagine it would went such a long way.But nevertheless its indeed a collebrative and collective efforts between the 5 of us,the teachers,the supporters and certainly my family members and friends!

But to be honest..I felt that there is a need for me to clarify something..

If it weren't for Putra and Manimaalini on the final round of the state level,we wouldn't most likely made it to Sarawak already.In fact I screwed up my part as the 2d speaker so badly that I am amazed nobody actually comented or curse me..

Although everyone told me it was the mike problem (which so happens to broke down when it was my turn to speak) and also it was my first time anyway that causes me to be so...panic..awfull..crapy..and so on..That wasn't the primary reason..I gotta admit..I panic.Maybe becoz I am having a stahe fright or something like dat.But still..I guess what over is over already, rite?Glad my failure didn't screwed the team up..Perhaps lady luck was on our side becoz those Kulim guys weren't that ahem (good is the right word I suppose).If it were those Asma girls that we are facing on final and having me as the Goverment 2nd speaker..Than we are a gonner for sure.

However,on that day itself..Felt really touched and emo at the same time..Coz everyone was so supportive of us..The teachers...the past debaters..the supporters..and so many more..Haha..Actually shook hand and huged a quite a few people before heading for the one hour quarantine..Even on the stage we were holding each other hand..I suppose I gripped the others the hardest..Well..to overcome my nervousness at that time I suppose..And when the result was announced everyone was screaming,jumping and hugging each other..I had my share of hugs,yelling and hand-shaking again..

Overall..For the past months..Learnt many stuff..What is it like to work as a team..What was it like to have such a huge stake and to be dependent on..How did it felt to win..All of these..Certainly shall not be forgotten..

But at the same time..There is definitely a need to reddem myself..To actually being able to carry my own weight..Or not..I wouldn't be able to face all of you..Especially the four of you!

I mean we went this far already,right?
We also gave up on so many things,right?
Yet gaining that much at the same time.
And not forgetting the hope that the others have on us..

So let us all go for it and give it our best,yea!

I used to think as long as I know what I want in life and if I am willing to work for it..Than everything else should fall in its respectively place..Even failure or sucess can be pre-determined..Nothing would be out of its place..In fact,I have been runing life on this principal as long as I could remember..

But..At the end..Somehow..Someway..Things didn't turn out the way it was expected..The way I calculated and pre-determined..No doubt the result was unavoidable..But..I thought I could accept things as it is..

The truth is that..I couldn't..Uncertainty will always be there..No matter how hard I tried to convince myself.. Ever looking for reasons to cloak myself..Yet ultimately..The fool is me and it is me alone who shall bear it..

What is an indescribable feeling?
Is it truly indescribable?
Or is it a feeling that you get
when, someone you love you see only
half an inch?

What is an indescribable feeling?
Is it truly indescribable?
Or is it something that you feel assomeone,
you see holding hands with
anyone other than you?

What is an indescribable feeling?
Is it truly indescribable?
Or a sudden outburst of contempt mixed,
with jealousy over something
none of your concern?

What is an indescribable feeling?
Is it truly indescribable?
Or is it the joy of hearing that
the aisle belongs to no one but you,
only to be disappointed?

What is an indescribable feeling?
Is it truly indescribable?
Or is it the blend between hatred and love,
as love being true and hatred the truth
but nay, here i am?