I need to blog. Even if I have no specific subject in mind as I am typing this. Disparate thoughts are running through my. This is week 8 of my academic term. The mid-term break. But there isn't a break. There is something happening or going on each day. I am camping in school so much so that I am now making a sub-conscious attempt to stay back at school from the morning till night. Even if when it's not necessary to do so in the first place. But this isn't sad though. It's poignant at worst, amusing at best. Because in some strange, mystical way I am beginning to feel at ease with the prolonged duration spent at school. It could be the people in it. Or it could be the stuff that I do. Either way I am relishing the moment.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Day 29
Dear Everyone,
I wish I can just pluck the courage and take that leap of faith. But the fact is I am just too contented with status quo.
So do allow me the indulgence. Even if it's a self perpetuating thing.
Thankyouverymuch.
Sincerely,
Yours
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I Quote
The doll is the girl’s special plaything; this shows her instinctive bent towards her life’s
work. [. . .] she sees her doll, she cannot see herself; she cannot do anything for herself,
she has neither the training, nor the talent, nor the strength; as yet she herself is nothing;
she is engrossed in her doll and all her coquetry is devoted to it. This will not always be
so; in due time she will become her own doll.
work. [. . .] she sees her doll, she cannot see herself; she cannot do anything for herself,
she has neither the training, nor the talent, nor the strength; as yet she herself is nothing;
she is engrossed in her doll and all her coquetry is devoted to it. This will not always be
so; in due time she will become her own doll.
(Rousseau, Emile 1762: 421–422)
Friday, January 21, 2011
Uninformed Optimism?
At week 3 of my term 2 academic calendar, life cannot be any more happening. (note the sarcasm/irony) The past week was most unkind to me. I was sick. On top of it, I was and still am trying to catch up on my lessons with the usual mix of CCA, meetings, group projects and other misc, stuff to attend to.
Despite me being in my all time vulnerable self, things did not seem so bad this time around. I recall myself feeling much crappier last term when I was hit by a similar plague of illness composing of flu, cough, fever and sore throat amidst all the other stuff I had to attend to. Perhaps I am at my final stages of normalizing to the culture here. The only time where I wasn't occupied with something is me trying to catch as much sleep as possible.
I am much aware of how in the coming weeks things will only be more uphill than ever. With 5 full modules to handle this semester including the notoriously time and effort consuming LTB (Leadership and Team Building) and AW (Academic Writing) mods to look out for, I am surprisingly not pessimistic about things in general. Contrast to how I would normally be. I am begining to think that I am even somewhat optimistic about how things will unfold. This is of course particularly dangerous according to one of my prof's theory.
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| Shahi.G (2010) Proactively Managing Change - Understanding the Pessimism Time Curve, Bio Business Asia 2004 |
But at this point of my life, I am just too shagged and consumed to think about which stage I am at currently or how I will potentially slide bottom in the pessimism-time curve at any time of the day. I will keep note of this. For a freer day perhaps.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Dream It, Live It
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| Snipped from AIESEC Singapore |
All is fine. Initial blurness aside, all is not for naught. I have seen the bigger picture. For in the end something sweet always awaits.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Year End Reflection / New Year Resolution
At 19, I do not think I have lived long enough to know the world and its content. Of the many people I have met and the friends that I have made along the way, though each are unique in their very own way, I am still searching for that one person to call my own. I may gone through 12 years of education so far but I can never quite confidently say I am prepared to face the world. Each day feels new to me in its own little way. Filled with opportunities to make it or break it.
At times, amidst all of these, it almost too easy to forget at 19, things are starting to look differently too. In fact, things are beginning to operate on a different level. No longer can ideals be achieved with determination and hard effort. As much as I like to believe that's the case, what I have learn through out this year and a half is that at times if not most of the time the utility of a dollar coupled with sheer/dumb/fated luck will reign supreme.
The former was and still is particularly important to me.I am now in this phase where there is a dollar and cent value attached to almost everything that revolves around me. I might not have noticed it back when I was 12 or even 17 but as of now, the dollar bill is quite visible I would say. I do not hope to jinx myself by saying this but I do see in years to come, the incentive of the dollar bill will only grow bigger and bigger.
I only hope by then I do not lose track of myself. Walking without a destination in sight is painful. To keep on walking down that path is even more painful. Thus, I am feeling very fortunate right now. To be able to reconcile my expectation of the ideals to what the reality entails me to do is something I count as a blessing each day. I have a destination in sight. A means to get there. Perhaps all that is left is having some sheer/dumb/fateful luck.
I would really like to keep to this. Whenever and wherever I am.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Day 11
Dear Gong Gong,
We just cleared your paraphernalia yesterday. Although it has been awhile, we are only able to go through them in detail yesterday. I do suppose job of such nature requires a delicate balance between acceptance and brevity. I think you will be glad to know that everyone especially Po Po was in good spirit. Before we started the clearing we even celebrated her birthday. Needless to say it kept her in a jovial tone through out. She has recovered much since her minor stroke attack. I would even go as far as saying she is almost back to her former self.
Going back to the matter of clearing up your possessions, I would say that I have learn much about you during the process. I know we do not have the tightest relationship prior to this. May it be due to the family setting, language barrier or even the generation gap for that matter. But I will always recall you in fond memories. In life, I know you as a well educated Chinese tailor who spent most of his days in the town of Alor Star. But at this very moment, you are much more than that. Through your paraphernalia I seen a glimpse of your extensive traveling in your youth. It is through the plethora of postcards, souvenirs and well kept letters from your friends that offer me a better insight into you. Your meticulousness for details and sentimentality speaks of man of good principles that were upheld even to the very end. However, I hope you won't mind me keeping a few of those tokens as mementos of you for my own.
If there is a message I ever need to send across to you it would be that everything is well at our end. Know that we will always have you in our hearts and thoughts. Your gift to me in the form of my chinese name is also something I will carry on proudly for the rest of my life. As illiterate I am in chinese, knowing how to write those three characters and the meaning it hold will be my own little way to cherish you.
Thank you.
With Love,
加孟
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