a story in progress

Swiped from Flickr

This isn't some cheesy Glee scene about singing my funk away. As much as I wish for it to go away hurriedly as how it came by, I think I need to come to terms with this unhealthy reverie. To be aloof is one thing. To lose it is another matter entirely.

I need to find that me once more. With all that discipline and conviction to make it.

I really like how today turn out to be. It didn't started out great. Water supply was still cut of. Received my other mid term grade only to come to the realization I am really flunking this term by screwing two of my OM modules. But then it stopped. At that point. The whole bad mojo.

From the moment I stepped out from that class, it seemed only the good fortunes of what a maneki neko can only grant. The lunch talk was much needed right after the uplifting pep talk with the Prof. The afternoon went on to becoming a point of celebration with the positive response of an external. Alas after what seemed to a period of desolation and despondency. The night's sharing session with similar minded friends went on to seal the deal.

Sniped from Dejavuit

Today was really significant. Because I finally managed to get hold of that feeling of being in the front seat once more. To be in control instead of being mindless lost or struggling to cope.

I want to remember this day and give thanks to the individuals who all came about and play their part.

To all thank you. 

Hey,

I do not know what to feel or think about at the moment. I am not mad but at the same time, I cried. Knowing miles away, another soul is crying her heart out, I had to come back. The only thought that was evident to me was that I had to come back. If I didn't, I am afraid whatever that's left out here wouldn't be something I cherish very much then.

Now that I am back, that same lump in my throat won't go away when I am around you. I am lost for words. I do not know what to feel about it. I can only be plastic - and awkward.

I stand by what I said that I will always be here for you.. For each one of you. As how I would imagine each of us would at least stand by one another when the situation calls for it.

But I do wonder. Will there be a point in time, where I stop assuming things will turn out fine between all of us? Will we ever reach that point of no return. If that point is indeed crossed, I really want to know if I can still stand by my own words then.

Kar-Men

I am writing this post out of an influx of emotions. I am throwing out whatever ounce of rationale or some self made up rule of not turning this space into an emo space. I just had two mid terms and the last paper was just plain bad. But above the horrible outcome of the papers, I am feeling so mad at myself. Mad about not preparing earlier. Mad about falling asleep in class all the time. Mad about not prioritizing my studies enough.

These maddening thoughts that have been spinning around my head for the past hour are now acting like some triggering points to all these insecurities that I am having about myself. From my priorities in life to what I think I need. Everything seems to be a far shot. A one in a million shot.

Underachieving and uncertainties.

I hate them.