Just got home from an early dinner with mum. Somehow, in that 1 hour time span, I manage to feel somewhat dejected and all blur at the same time - though a more accurate word would be dampened.
Meet a certain someone who I get to know at school only the beginning of this year which turn out to be a long time acquaintance of my parents. I didn't know I meet her before when I was still a little child back then. And I certainly didn't know it was her. A startling revelation which follow suit. One that left a very bitter taste on my behalf.
What came next was an equal blow itself. I wasn't counting for myself to get through as I kinda form my own conclusion after waiting for 3 months without a single whisper of news; but when it was officially seal today that I didn't get the ASEAN Scholarship, some part of me felt...empty. I wasn't laying any hopes in it from the very start. I even comforted others and was all nonchalant about it. But when it came - I would never had imagined I will end up feeling this low. Why I wonder? Well at this juncture, I wished the two of you all the best with the entrance exams tomorrow (I suppose). It's good to know at least some of us did managed to get shortlisted for the scholarship.
And on another note, I have never felt so lowly of myself this far. Did somewhere along the road I had end up compromising with my own principle? To think I would end up being walked all over by another for not standing up for myself and to end up pushing another at the same time, knowing perfectly well I wouldn't like being pushed the same way.
What have I gone wrong?
Friday, June 13, 2008
Reality Is Harsh
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2 comments:
i was actually quite touched when you said you will walk down the road with me, and that we have something in common. sob, thanks a lot.
at least i am not alone, and good luck to those two too.
I don't like using this phrase, but since it's somewhat inevitable – I somewhat get where you're coming from. It's doubtful that someone like me can have the right thing to say, but I hope that this doesn't get you down for long.
All I can say is that it's not the end of the road yet – I've had friends who got the offer to take the exam after the SPM results were out. And besides, there's a long list of opportunities, which I shall have to post up one day, 'cuz you shouldn't miss 'em like I did.
'Sides, like you said to me once, who you are and what you're capable of shouldn't be dictated by this.
All the best to ya! =]
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