a story in progress

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What the fuck is wrong with me??! How on earth can I lose 20 marks just because of one silly mistake of not dividing the whole fricking progression with 4??!!!! Today's Add Math paper is a totally fucked up paper. Not because the questions were exceptionally hard or even beyond impossible to solve, it's just because of my stupid, idiotic self of overlooking at those fricking numbers.

Just because of that one question I screwed up in, cost me 20 marks! 20 fricking marks! The only way I can dream of getting an A for Add Math is getting a perfect score for the other 7 questions. But seeing how pathetic myself can be, I can kiss that A goodbye.

I'm unhappy, frustrated and even to the extent of feeling fucked up right now not because others got it right or the fact that it was a lapse of judgment of not double-checking the paper before handing the paper over or even the fact that I just lost my A. I'm angry at how stupid I can get at times. And this time it really cost me big time.

It's not as if the grade A really matter that much to me compared to the sickening,nagging conscience that keeps on reminding me that I can do it, and that it was such a waste of not being able to grasp it. It's not as if I weren't prepared for the Add Math paper this time. It's not as if I didn't revise through it over and over again.

I hate the very feeling of being both angry and disappointed with myself at the same time. Angry at how stupid and careless I can get. Disappointed at how much my stupidity cost me. I'm a god damn fool alright.

I hate myself.