a story in progress

As I was walking back from a late dinner/supper, I was hit with a sudden thought - if I were to run into a road accident at that very moment, what will happen to me? Would by-standers reached for my phone to call anyone in my phonebook? But they wouldn't know the password to my phone to do that anyway. Would they search my wallet for any emergency contact information? I doubt so. My wallet do not usually carry such information. Then it dawned to me that the only logical thing that would if I am to be invovled in a road accident would be some kind soul (hopefully) calling the ambulance and I will be sent there for whatever emergency treatment that is to follow. The hospital or police will probably follow up accordingly from there by contacting my school as that would be the only lead that they will have (in the situation that I remain unconscious or rendered incapable of making any decision on my course of treatment).

Following the above train of thought, how long will it take for my parents to be contacted? Possibly within the next 24 hours? I tremble at the very thought of my parents receiving that phonecall. Would they panic? How would my mum receive the news especially? I really don't want her to freak out. From a self-centred point of view I wouldn't want to be the cause of any heartbreaks for her as it is.

This is a rather peculiar topic to blog about especially after a peiod of absence from this space, but thinking about the above really struck a chord within me. I had to act upon this thought. I need to get this out my system somehow. So I am choosing to write it here. Articulating this thought in words would be easier in my mind than having to have some very random (and not to mention awkwardly morbid topic) with some of my friends. Calling my parents at the midnight was definitely out of the picture too. I do not see myself having  this conversation with my family at any time of the day.

But the fact remains from this random outburst of thought would be that I need to sort out my affairs in a more fastidious manner. I will probably need to review the idea of having a legal guardian in Singapore, my insurance policy (my current policy by the school has an absurdly myopic coverage that it would probably be insufficient to even cover any cases beyond that of a flu bug) to having some form of contingency plan outlined for others to execute on my behalf.

Thinking about these thoughts made me realized that I am inadequately prepared for anything beyond my daily routine. Leaving the horrible idea of getting involved in a road accident, should I be hit by some urgent medical condition or other form of accidents, the above sequence of panic would probably follow suit as well.

I have always took pride of how I have exercised my sense of responsibility given the freedom/independence that I have been enjoying ever since I left home for further studies. But being aware of how much control I have over my life is also very frightening at the same time especially in times where I am no longer in control or in situations where I am rendered incapable to decide for myself. It's also during such time that I really feel how alone and powerless one can be in the face of uncertainty.