a story in progress

At the moment, my self-esteem is ebbing at the lowest depth possible. I hate the feeling of being so inadequate. I keep on having the notion that whenever I am put on on the brass scale, I hardly measure to an ounce of others. Going through all those form and prerequisites, I am being forcefully reminded of the similar forms that I have filled up less than 9 months ago. Even then, I remember the distinctive feel of being so inadequate. I tried to convince myself, somehow, someway there was a tad of chance that awaits me beyond all of those forms. I actually believed myself to be in the same playing field as everyone else back then.

But heck who was I kidding? The outcome definitely proved to be otherwise.

In spite of that and everything that came before, right now, at this point of my life, I have never been so sure of what I want. Yes. I was lost before. Aimless for the past one year.

I am desperate this time. I have never wanted something so badly in the past. So please, let this come true for once. This is all I am asking for.