a story in progress

As I am typing this down, a new batch of NS trainees are undergoing their 3 months stint at their respective NS camps throughout the nation. Among the many out there, one of them is a dear friend of mine. Looking at him, does bring back those fond moments I had went through not so long ago.

On the morning of 27th December, I was at the pick up point at the Tapak Ekspo of Taman Ria with an old, musty black leather bag and a highly contrasting new,beige backpack on my shoulder. In them were my daily appliances and necessities which I was to survive on throughout my stint at NS. Surprisingly, taking myself and my Mum into account, I didn't quite register into the category of "over-packer". Nevertheless, I was set and ready to board the bus to Kuala Perlis Jetty. I was ready to leave my home and my comfort zone.

From my seat in the bus, I was able to observe the scene that was unfolding out there. There were many friends, relatives and family members from various creed, credence and background out there. Yet they were all waving their hands and mouthing the same expression on their faces as if they all spoke in a universal language. It was the language of farewell. They were tears trickling from some of the unfamiliar faces below as well. Standing out from them was one individual - my Mum.

After half a day of travel, by land and sea - I was there finally. My new home for the next 3 months of my life was a camp named Kem PLKN Lagenda Seri Negeri constructed in the year of 2006 on a hill named Bukit Hantu. It was intimidating, foreign and cold at the first thought. Tramping all the way up there with the baggage behind didn't help ease such thoughts either.

The first week of my life as a Wira at this far-off land wasn't the best moments I had. In fact, they could very well be the lowest moments I ever went through at there. Without the comforting presence of those whom one is close and familiar with, I felt very much isolated. I got to feel for the first time how loneliness really bites into one's soul and how it was to have such yearning for the solace of all things familiar to one. It was the feeling of homesick. It was a disease infecting many at that time. And I was suffering from it too.

Yet, I was afraid of acknowledging that back then. Not to my friends and family. I didn't wanted them to fret over me. And I certainly didn't want them to perceive me as weak. I wanted to show to everyone, I was doing fine even when I just took my first solo flight out. I wanted to comfort that one individual that shed tears for me even as I was about to take on my first flight.

As natural and as surely how a chick learns to break out from its shell till the moment it takes its first flight by flapping hard on its own two wings, I learned to break out from the malady and took my first flight as a individual in this new environment. I meet, knew and befriended many other colourful individuals as we were all treading down the same path.

Along the way, I gained much experiences and life meme.

I got up every morning by dawn at the sound of banging lockers.
I bathe in cold water everyday regardless of chilly rain or sweltering heat.
I ate loads and loads of curries for most of the meals at there.
I got use to climbing up and down a hill wherever I moved about.
I learnt to sing whether silently or at the top of my lungs a couple of Malay songs.
I learnt how to wear spike boot and a Barret properly with the help of others.
I participated and had fun playing those childish but insightful games during Character Building (CB) Module.
I went on to become a first time MC for Program Penghayatan Sastera dan Budaya (PPSB) dressed in the Baju Melayu outfit complete with a songkok to match.
I went for formal Buddhist classes and got educated about my religion properly for the first time.
I was outspoken as ever during the Nation Module while getting attached to the song Warisan by Surdiman.
I debated once more but this time in Malay for the motion "Lelaki lebih ramai terlibat dengan masalah penagihan dadah" organized by the ADDK and won as the opposition.
I took on the challenge of doing the Flying Fox and abseiling with much gusto.
I fired for the first time using a Colt M16 with a score of 1/100.
I camped outdoor for the first time with the ground as my base for the first time during Wirajaya.
I went on a first boat ride touring the sea of Langkawi on a Navy's speed boat during Community Service Module.
I learnt how to march for the first time to the stage and on the field while discerning between a proper "hentak kaki" and "tendang kuda".
I went up the stage during the last night to do a weird hip hop/robotic dance with a cap on.

I have done and went through all of those. Most were first timers for myself. Yet besides the ones mentioned above and a whole lot more, I gained something which I believe I will never forget no matter how many waves of crashing years there are to come. All of us; the trainers and trainees, managed to work cohesively to create such a sincere and wonderful bond amongst ourselves. It was a bond filled with laughter, joys, bitterness, strictness and many more which will forever more stay as a sweet memory. However, short, ephemeral or superficial it may be, there is no mistaken that it was heartfelt.


Despite all the scepticism and the apprehension over the entire National Service I had initially, I have had indeed seized the moment to make the best out of it which turn out to be a great moment to remember even years and years from now. All it took was an open heart, a receiving mind and embracing arms.

Should there be a moment where one can sit down and contemplate on, what would it be? A year ago, I was dead worried over my SPM examinations. Ten months later, I was troubled by the results which I will be getting instead. Three months later, here I am with the results, but at the same time troubled and worried all the same over a different matter.

What will I be studying? Where will I be heading?

Those are a different set of questions and worries playing in my mind now. But I am sure with the flow of time, such thoughts instead will be answered or to be more exact replaced with a different set of questions, doubt, insecurities and challenges.

What will my GPA be? How can I cope? Will I get into the university that I applied for?

Such worries will very much be a superfluous yet indispensable part of my life. I really don't know how well I will fare or cope in the face of such overwhelming distress. No one does.

But I just hope in the process, I am able to just to take a break from the purportless contention against time, to just sit by idly and live the moment. Such moments are rare but unintentionally these are the moments that we live for.

I just hope I don't miss mine.

I am back after 75 days living in an island.

Finally gotten my SPM result after a 3 months worth of wait.

It was a straight A's.

I am grateful, happy, disappointed, relieved, bitter, uncertain, melancholic, enlightened and so much more.

If others can look at my slip and be happy for it while some might look at it with a tinge of "oh, you are so close!". What should I feel then?

Both of it.

But most importantly, I managed to smile on that day.

I know that slip of paper summarize my entire 11 years worth of education. I also know that there are somethings that can never be put down into black and white. The memories, the moments, the friends, the lives of others whom we have touched.

I have been through all of that and that I am very much proud of it despite it all.

Those primary schooling years in an old boy school were indeed one of the years of my schooling where I enjoyed the most - standard six in particular. Though, we had the UPSR examination back then, we had a blast studying hard yet playing hard too after the exams till the end of the school term. To be honest, I do not remember in specific what made 2003 that memorable, but collectively it was indeed a year worth noting. Perhaps it was our final year in primary. Everything seemed to be so nostalgic.

Then soon enough, came the secondary years of my schooling. It was somewhat a turning point. The new environment, the different people from different backgrounds, education and gender. At first, I was not bother by it. I was still in my little comfort zone. Wrapped behind a bubble, I still knew little of interacting with others. In other words, I did not changed much from the shy yet brash bespectacled boy who never did have such a high or any outlook for that matter on himself at all.




I hated the very thought of failing others - not in a competition like this especially.


Then came a sudden, silent sense of resolve. I suppose I found my raison d'etre; without knowing what it was back then. I made a resolve to just try things out. To discard whatever shame or self-reserve thoughts I had and go for it. People's impressions on me were still something I take notice about, but I managed to balance it out with my own set of beliefs without compromising.


I know for one thing that people's impressions count but oneself confidence is even more so.
I know for one thing disappointment comes in two form; when you let yourself down or when you let other's down - that both lead to different paths.

I'm way tooo lazy for the past week to get a proper post done, so I'm trying to make up for it by this picture tag instead.

a)Answer the questions below by doing an image search and using pictures from the first page of results, do it with no or minimal words of explanation.
b) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you've finished answering every question.

Okay, as most of you know by now, yours truly is enlisted to Kem Lagenda Seri Negeri, Langkawi for the first National Service (NS) batch of 2009. I will be heading there on the 27th of Disember (yeah which means I get to usher the new year in a foreign unknown land, yay me!) till the 11th of March. Of course, in between I will have those short breaks namely for Chinese New Year. Other than that, I doubt I will get to come back to SP that often. Travelling to and fro from the mainland to the island is no joke. To be honest, I'm not sure I would like my family to travel every fortnight just to see me at the camp. But, I'll leave that thought for now. I'll never know how I'll take things over there. Might even run back home crying. XD

So now I'm doing a bit of whatever info hunting I can about NS. From their schedule to the conditions of the living quarters. So anyone out there who might have undergo this before, do share this precious info with me ok? Might help raise up my survival rate over there.

Well, what are my thoughts on NS? I'll keep them to myself. but I can share with you my feelings and thoughts about me heading to one though. When I first received the sms - "Tahniah, anda telah dipilih untuk menyertai PLKN" I was really laughing like some lunatic person that one would have came across in the loony town. My mum, was like why? why you la? As she went on a calling spree, I went on sms-ing people that I know to see who else was selected. truth be told, I wasn't the least suprised when I found out who was enlisted and vice versa. I think it could be my intuition back then (guys do have male intuition at times too you know!) telling me you be selected, you be selected. And true enough, I was! Perhaps it wasn't any male intuition now that I look back at it. It could be me, just being a negative and expecting the worst to come. Lol. After a few days, since the sms fiasco (because everyone at school was talking but it anyway), I didn't give much thoughts into NS.

Then somewhere during my SPM examination, the fragile peace, was broken with news, that some of my friends have received the letter from NS informing them about their camp and a bunch of other things needed to be attended with before reporting for NS on the 27th.
And of course, everyone around me and probably me too when to panic mode again. It was then, the prospects of me heading for NS really sank into me. I was like, "Where is my darn letter?? I want 1st batch la. And so on" by mid-day however, the letter came. As if everything was in plan, and the entire morning was just a test of my patience or more like my willpower to remain sane amidst all this. I'm to head for Langkawi. I'm to get myself an Agrobank account. I'm to get myself medically examined. I'm to fill up a bunch of forms.

In retrospect, I guess I don't really mind heading to NS. I'll will struggle, but hopefully I'll emerge unscathed or at least in one piece after 2 months and 2 weeks. (Funny eh, how the 1st batch isn't exactly 3 months? But I'm not complaining) I'm just glad I got my wish of heading to Langkawi and being in the first batch. At least I get to put my affairs into order before and after NS. It's my convenience actually. So what else more can I rant on? =)

Below are picture I stumbled across bout my camps while hunting for some info on it.

I would like to officially announce that -

Haha, to be honest I'm not sure for the past 2 months, the lack of update was either due to the fact that SPM draw closer or that I'm just so freakishly lazy when it comes to posting something. XD Either way, it doesn't matter now that I can't use that for an excuse to *cough* justify my very very invalid blog. I'll try to make it up to whatever readers out there I have left by spamming or spazing over some irrelevant stuff for the future posts. =P

And now that SPM is over, which may I add was over in a blink of an eye. Is it me alone or that time seems to be horribly unforgivingly fast these days? Or is that time is relative to individuals and just so happen this individual is barely coping up with the flow of time? I'm not gonna blog about how I did for the papers though because I'm terribly afraid of stiring up the skeletons lurking behind this entire issue of SPM. I will just let it haunt me a couple nights before the big day on March 2009. =) Take that you bunch of scallywags of skeletons!

Oh yeah, back to where we are (pun not intended) which was now that SPM is over... anyone intrested in a bunch of revision books, tuition notes, and piles of execise? Some of them will be going to my cousin sister who will be form 4 next year, but I doubt she be needing that entire load. They will be going to the old newspaper man at this rate. And to be honest, I felt kinda "sayang" if that was the case. Kinda attached to them after all this years. I just realised I have my Form 1,2,3 Science notes all nicely bind up into books. Well, if thats the case, why don't let another benefit from it right? So anyone intrested, just let me know okay?

Guess the updates are till here for now. At the mean time, gotta get busy. Time is of the essence now that I have a deathclock hovering over me that says 25 days to go to my jungle prison summer retreat.