a story in progress

I am back after 75 days living in an island.

Finally gotten my SPM result after a 3 months worth of wait.

It was a straight A's.

I am grateful, happy, disappointed, relieved, bitter, uncertain, melancholic, enlightened and so much more.

If others can look at my slip and be happy for it while some might look at it with a tinge of "oh, you are so close!". What should I feel then?

Both of it.

But most importantly, I managed to smile on that day.

I know that slip of paper summarize my entire 11 years worth of education. I also know that there are somethings that can never be put down into black and white. The memories, the moments, the friends, the lives of others whom we have touched.

I have been through all of that and that I am very much proud of it despite it all.

Those primary schooling years in an old boy school were indeed one of the years of my schooling where I enjoyed the most - standard six in particular. Though, we had the UPSR examination back then, we had a blast studying hard yet playing hard too after the exams till the end of the school term. To be honest, I do not remember in specific what made 2003 that memorable, but collectively it was indeed a year worth noting. Perhaps it was our final year in primary. Everything seemed to be so nostalgic.

Then soon enough, came the secondary years of my schooling. It was somewhat a turning point. The new environment, the different people from different backgrounds, education and gender. At first, I was not bother by it. I was still in my little comfort zone. Wrapped behind a bubble, I still knew little of interacting with others. In other words, I did not changed much from the shy yet brash bespectacled boy who never did have such a high or any outlook for that matter on himself at all.




I hated the very thought of failing others - not in a competition like this especially.


Then came a sudden, silent sense of resolve. I suppose I found my raison d'etre; without knowing what it was back then. I made a resolve to just try things out. To discard whatever shame or self-reserve thoughts I had and go for it. People's impressions on me were still something I take notice about, but I managed to balance it out with my own set of beliefs without compromising.


I know for one thing that people's impressions count but oneself confidence is even more so.
I know for one thing disappointment comes in two form; when you let yourself down or when you let other's down - that both lead to different paths.

I'm way tooo lazy for the past week to get a proper post done, so I'm trying to make up for it by this picture tag instead.

a)Answer the questions below by doing an image search and using pictures from the first page of results, do it with no or minimal words of explanation.
b) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you've finished answering every question.

Okay, as most of you know by now, yours truly is enlisted to Kem Lagenda Seri Negeri, Langkawi for the first National Service (NS) batch of 2009. I will be heading there on the 27th of Disember (yeah which means I get to usher the new year in a foreign unknown land, yay me!) till the 11th of March. Of course, in between I will have those short breaks namely for Chinese New Year. Other than that, I doubt I will get to come back to SP that often. Travelling to and fro from the mainland to the island is no joke. To be honest, I'm not sure I would like my family to travel every fortnight just to see me at the camp. But, I'll leave that thought for now. I'll never know how I'll take things over there. Might even run back home crying. XD

So now I'm doing a bit of whatever info hunting I can about NS. From their schedule to the conditions of the living quarters. So anyone out there who might have undergo this before, do share this precious info with me ok? Might help raise up my survival rate over there.

Well, what are my thoughts on NS? I'll keep them to myself. but I can share with you my feelings and thoughts about me heading to one though. When I first received the sms - "Tahniah, anda telah dipilih untuk menyertai PLKN" I was really laughing like some lunatic person that one would have came across in the loony town. My mum, was like why? why you la? As she went on a calling spree, I went on sms-ing people that I know to see who else was selected. truth be told, I wasn't the least suprised when I found out who was enlisted and vice versa. I think it could be my intuition back then (guys do have male intuition at times too you know!) telling me you be selected, you be selected. And true enough, I was! Perhaps it wasn't any male intuition now that I look back at it. It could be me, just being a negative and expecting the worst to come. Lol. After a few days, since the sms fiasco (because everyone at school was talking but it anyway), I didn't give much thoughts into NS.

Then somewhere during my SPM examination, the fragile peace, was broken with news, that some of my friends have received the letter from NS informing them about their camp and a bunch of other things needed to be attended with before reporting for NS on the 27th.
And of course, everyone around me and probably me too when to panic mode again. It was then, the prospects of me heading for NS really sank into me. I was like, "Where is my darn letter?? I want 1st batch la. And so on" by mid-day however, the letter came. As if everything was in plan, and the entire morning was just a test of my patience or more like my willpower to remain sane amidst all this. I'm to head for Langkawi. I'm to get myself an Agrobank account. I'm to get myself medically examined. I'm to fill up a bunch of forms.

In retrospect, I guess I don't really mind heading to NS. I'll will struggle, but hopefully I'll emerge unscathed or at least in one piece after 2 months and 2 weeks. (Funny eh, how the 1st batch isn't exactly 3 months? But I'm not complaining) I'm just glad I got my wish of heading to Langkawi and being in the first batch. At least I get to put my affairs into order before and after NS. It's my convenience actually. So what else more can I rant on? =)

Below are picture I stumbled across bout my camps while hunting for some info on it.

I would like to officially announce that -

Haha, to be honest I'm not sure for the past 2 months, the lack of update was either due to the fact that SPM draw closer or that I'm just so freakishly lazy when it comes to posting something. XD Either way, it doesn't matter now that I can't use that for an excuse to *cough* justify my very very invalid blog. I'll try to make it up to whatever readers out there I have left by spamming or spazing over some irrelevant stuff for the future posts. =P

And now that SPM is over, which may I add was over in a blink of an eye. Is it me alone or that time seems to be horribly unforgivingly fast these days? Or is that time is relative to individuals and just so happen this individual is barely coping up with the flow of time? I'm not gonna blog about how I did for the papers though because I'm terribly afraid of stiring up the skeletons lurking behind this entire issue of SPM. I will just let it haunt me a couple nights before the big day on March 2009. =) Take that you bunch of scallywags of skeletons!

Oh yeah, back to where we are (pun not intended) which was now that SPM is over... anyone intrested in a bunch of revision books, tuition notes, and piles of execise? Some of them will be going to my cousin sister who will be form 4 next year, but I doubt she be needing that entire load. They will be going to the old newspaper man at this rate. And to be honest, I felt kinda "sayang" if that was the case. Kinda attached to them after all this years. I just realised I have my Form 1,2,3 Science notes all nicely bind up into books. Well, if thats the case, why don't let another benefit from it right? So anyone intrested, just let me know okay?

Guess the updates are till here for now. At the mean time, gotta get busy. Time is of the essence now that I have a deathclock hovering over me that says 25 days to go to my jungle prison summer retreat.

Whao, it has been like what one month and half since I last update this thing? That gotta be a record. Well, for those who are at least curious about my whereabouts - I'm still alive (to the disappointment of some of course) and still kicking. Just finished my Trials on the 23rd of September.

But guess what? The next day, we are told that we have to actually RE-SIT Physic, Additional Math and Modern Math after the short Raya holidays. What a fun killer I tell ya. There you are, after having just finished 3 weeks worth of examinations with one paper after another (amounting to what-30++-papers?) you are told that you have to re-sit those 3 subjects. Wtf?!

The official reason?

Those 3 subjects have solid, undeniable proof(s) that the students have had cheated in them and some were even thick enough to be caught in the act. When in fact almost every paper that I sat for, I have had heard that there was soalon bocor, soalan "spot" and even whayu from the all-Holy one.

Well if one is actually interested, confessions from ex-students and teachers would tell one that every year the same thing happen over and over again (Is it like some vicious cycle?), where students cheated and copied.

Only our year, we weren't "smart" enough for a few were actually caught red-handed - in the own words of my Chemistry teacher. (and have I tell you she is so chyio for a teacher?)

Oh well, perhaps re-siting ain't that bad I suppose. I didn't do exceptionally well with them in the first place. So I guess, I'll take this with a pinch of a salt as suggested by a very dear friend.

Besides that, another noteworthy thing that happened in my life for the past month, other than the exams, would be us tendering our withdrawal from the debate team hence withdrawing from the Nationals at the same time. It wasn't a real no-brainer choice but it wasn't easy to make a stand as well. But oh well at then end of the day it was a very clear stand by all of us.

So sorry and a very big THANK YOU to everyone who had help me to get this far especially the teachers, friends, teammates, ex-teammates and I suppose all those would be so kindly referred as those under the sun and the moon.

I guess that's it for now, folks!

And lastly a very Happy Hari Raya to all those who will be celebrating it and to those having their PMR right after the Raya, all the best. (may you guys see the light of joy after the crossing the tunnel)

Hiatus is still on though. And I do doubt there will be any updates after these. But oh well, SPM do come first after all. =P

Guess what? I'm still alive.

When no news about debate is a good news. You know things are going downhill with how things are being run nowadays. When people are glad for the calling off the Nationals rather than for it being brought forward (as if that's even possible), you know how fucked up our little system is. I for one, ain't ashamed to profess this - Good riddance to debate! And hello SPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPM!

If there is to be a National anytime soon - that will be a real shocking surprise.

And did I mention the fact that we are all (more like my fellow fifth formers and myself) taking our SPM on the this coming 11th of November have sunk in into me? Well, the message was there lingering like a shadow since the start of this year, but the handing out of the timetable only served to justify the surrealness of this entire SPM affair.

So with that being said, I hereby put this blog on a HIATUS mode for an indefinite time frame.

Why?

Because I have to make up for the lost time.
Because I'm so uncertain and frustrated at how things are getting along right now.
Because I'm so frickin lazy.
Because I have nothing to blog about.
Because this are my last few months, weeks and days to prepare for the following examinations and I wouldn't want to screw that up as well.

Guess I will have to see you guys when I see you don't I?

So see you people then.