a story in progress

Emotional Labour

2012-02-16T22:08:00.000+08:00

It's physicaly exhausting and mind numbing. Beyond all of that regulation and demands you probably feel like a week old pudding waiting to ooze out of it's hopeless mould. You know this ain't right but you just want to run away from everything if you could. You want to be left to your own device. But you also know it ain't possible at the same time.

C'est la mort.

Pulling Yourself Together

2012-02-01T02:42:00.002+08:00

Not because you are a hot mess spiralling to self destruction or that you are in some deep trench of life's misery. Rather you are hit with this sudden realization that things can literally happen overnight without you coming to terms with it in the first place. You go to bed feeling contented with what you have had/currently undergoing - only to wake up realizing you are either craving for more or that you have that much riding on you.

Through this, you probably learn that you are no superman masquerading as some average looking joe with a dorky looking glass. You aren't saving anyone at the moment. In fact you feel like you are firefighting each day. Battling the issues and challenges thrown ferociously at you by some unknown villan bidding his time.

At the end of it all, you don't know where this is taking you. But it doesn't matter. Because ultimately, all that matters is to pull yourself together and say bring it on.

I Quote

2012-01-01T03:10:00.000+08:00

Your life is changing in small, important ways every day. The structure is no longer holding, no longer able to stay glued together, so certain things are having to leave you when you’re asleep. They’re so quiet, so considerate when they abandon you, that I bet you don’t even notice. They call this growing up, or something similar to it.

By Ryan O'Connell

Empowerment

2011-12-17T01:37:00.000+08:00

The past 8 days have been a very intensive period of my holiday. Each day was filled up with nothing but this unfettered enthusiasm and fun to make the conference a success. Sharing this dream with over 35 individuals has made the journey all the more amazing and rewarding. I will always look back upon this moment and think to myself - We fucking did it.

We are AIESECers, empowering AIESECers.

Things You're Left With

2011-12-02T01:10:00.001+08:00

Sniped from http://gallery.leica-users.org/v/shutterhack/

With the end of an academic semester, you're most likely to be left with a pile of notes and loads of loose papers. Crisp clean or dog-eared, these notes probably has the same value regardless. They are to be kept out of sight and out of reach.

Chances are, you will also find yourself having more hours at your leisure. Plans are often made at this moment. Bold, wanderlust, liberating plans are there to remind you of all the times you have forgone in the past for the sake of that exam, quiz, assignment.

Naturally, you're left with a strong sense of association as well. The meet ups, the casual chat over coffee, the movie marathons. They are going to be a steady staple in the upcoming weeks - most suited to be consumed with some company.

But best of all, you will always be left with a sense of relief. The thought of you surviving that very horrendous, tiring, busy semester that you have always been complaining so far, will leave you with a silly grin on your face. You may cuss in joys of satisfaction. Or you can start telling yourself the next one will be way better than the one before. Either way, you know you are offered a temporary relief. A respite before the whole cycle of insanity starts anew.

Diaspora

2011-11-04T13:45:00.001+08:00

I need to acknowledge this whole being on the other side of the fence phase. The opportunities, the people, the freedom. They are all well and fine. Although I have never put much thoughts into the relative trade offs until recently. Not in comparison at least.

It has been more than a year since I came to this city state. Every time I turn around and look at how much have went by, I am genuinely grateful for it. Whenever I look forward, I feel a rush of excitement. But only for that split second. I know I am settling. Norming into everything. But at the very same time, that thought of a future never cease to scares me.

Give Up that Funk

2011-10-31T03:44:00.000+08:00

Swiped from Flickr

This isn't some cheesy Glee scene about singing my funk away. As much as I wish for it to go away hurriedly as how it came by, I think I need to come to terms with this unhealthy reverie. To be aloof is one thing. To lose it is another matter entirely.

I need to find that me once more. With all that discipline and conviction to make it.

I Quote

2011-10-24T02:21:00.001+08:00

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.

Fritz Perls, "Gestalt Therapy Verbatim", 1969

Ear Candy: You & I

2011-10-18T01:12:00.001+08:00

Nothing profound. Just some ear candy to get by those dreamy days.

Giving Thanks

2011-10-14T00:22:00.002+08:00

I really like how today turn out to be. It didn't started out great. Water supply was still cut of. Received my other mid term grade only to come to the realization I am really flunking this term by screwing two of my OM modules. But then it stopped. At that point. The whole bad mojo.

From the moment I stepped out from that class, it seemed only the good fortunes of what a maneki neko can only grant. The lunch talk was much needed right after the uplifting pep talk with the Prof. The afternoon went on to becoming a point of celebration with the positive response of an external. Alas after what seemed to a period of desolation and despondency. The night's sharing session with similar minded friends went on to seal the deal.

Sniped from Dejavuit

Today was really significant. Because I finally managed to get hold of that feeling of being in the front seat once more. To be in control instead of being mindless lost or struggling to cope.

I want to remember this day and give thanks to the individuals who all came about and play their part.

To all thank you.

Day 12 / Day 20 / Day 22

2011-10-09T02:37:00.001+08:00

Hey,

I do not know what to feel or think about at the moment. I am not mad but at the same time, I cried. Knowing miles away, another soul is crying her heart out, I had to come back. The only thought that was evident to me was that I had to come back. If I didn't, I am afraid whatever that's left out here wouldn't be something I cherish very much then.

Now that I am back, that same lump in my throat won't go away when I am around you. I am lost for words. I do not know what to feel about it. I can only be plastic - and awkward.

I stand by what I said that I will always be here for you.. For each one of you. As how I would imagine each of us would at least stand by one another when the situation calls for it.

But I do wonder. Will there be a point in time, where I stop assuming things will turn out fine between all of us? Will we ever reach that point of no return. If that point is indeed crossed, I really want to know if I can still stand by my own words then.

Kar-Men

One in a Million

2011-10-02T03:52:00.000+08:00

I am writing this post out of an influx of emotions. I am throwing out whatever ounce of rationale or some self made up rule of not turning this space into an emo space. I just had two mid terms and the last paper was just plain bad. But above the horrible outcome of the papers, I am feeling so mad at myself. Mad about not preparing earlier. Mad about falling asleep in class all the time. Mad about not prioritizing my studies enough.

These maddening thoughts that have been spinning around my head for the past hour are now acting like some triggering points to all these insecurities that I am having about myself. From my priorities in life to what I think I need. Everything seems to be a far shot. A one in a million shot.

Underachieving and uncertainties.

I hate them.

Day 10

2011-09-30T01:52:00.000+08:00

Dear CK,

It is indeed refreshing to talk to you today. Somewhere between class and the distance for dinner struck a thought in me. We haven't been talking with each other as much as I would like to. A part of me do wonder, what would have happened if I have taken that leap of faith back then. Would things still stayed the same? I doubt anything would come out of it, but I am still very glad at where we stand today. Work, studies or even just plain nonsense are things that I am confident that I can turn to you just about anytime.

Warmest Regards,
Yours

I Had No Life or So I Thought

2011-09-18T19:29:00.002+08:00

Snipped from: http://asdfghjkllove.tumblr.com/

It has been more than a month ever since the new school term began. And truth be told, half of the time, I am either angsty over some issues or being dead tired. I knew when the new term began, I am to start my sophomore year with an increased workload and additional responsibilities, yet somewhere along the lines, everything around me seems to be crashing. I was barely catching up with school work. Dealing with miscommunication and people issues drained me. There were also those late nights, that subsequently went on to be caffeine powered mornings.

Ranting was something I did a lot. Whether it was on this personal space or to a few friends of mine. A recurring thought that hit during the entire episode, was the need to disappear. I wanted to vanish to obscurity so badly. I wanted to be in a place where I didn't have to wake up cursing that I slept through my alarm, or seized by a moment of panic each time I opened my email. I didn't want to feel guilty for not updating others on Facebook or even responding to their text messages.

Amid all the backlogs, I started to call home more frequently that I normally would. Each time I spoke to my Mum, that thought of "I miss you and home so badly that I want to come back now" in my head kept screaming for attention and to be brought out of silence.

But no silence was broken. Instead, things went on as it is and I went on being angsty and tired most of the time.

Now looking back.. I don't know where the solutions to the above problems came about. Or even if such matters were resolved in the first place. But somehow, 5 weeks after everything has began, I am finding my equilibrium. Those late nights and caffeine powered mornings are becoming increasingly infrequent. My sleep debt is somewhat repaid. Emails and updates are accounted for.

I do know someday all of these will be worth it. And for that, I think I will be waking up to each day with a greater sense of anticipation and a little bit of joy. Fingers crossed.

Spirited Away

2011-09-13T02:06:00.002+08:00

Whisked away under that bright blue sky; even as the world around you seems to be crashing into pieces, there is something inexorably about this moment.. that makes everything, a tad more bearable than it can be.

Stop.Start.Continue

2011-09-05T02:51:00.002+08:00

I need to stop searching for that moment of validation. I am at this stage of the cycle where the marginal utility gained no longer seemed to matter. I know when I am starting to have these thoughts; of stopping right in my tracks and fleeing to obscurity, my priorities have since changed.

A senior and a friend would probably say, "Look into one's self causation and remedy it" , but I would then be thinking to myself, "How far I have walked only to find myself, unable to see it as it or even as it should be".

It's 2.47 and I am being delirious. But doing this much relives me of my present state of self. Even if it's just a fraction of it.

Motivating Self and Others

2011-08-21T03:11:00.002+08:00

REQUISITES TO MOTIVATE

We have to be Motivated to Motivate
~~Motivation requires a goal~~
Motivation once established, does not last if not repeated
~~Motivation requires Recognition~~
~~Participation has motivating effect~~
Seeing ourselves progressing Motivates us
Challenge only motivates if you can win
Everybody has a motivational fuse i.e. everybody can be motivated
~~Group belonging motivates~~

I Quote

2011-08-11T02:02:00.004+08:00

If we can love someone so much- how will we be able to handle it the one day when we are seperated? And, if being seperated is a part of life, and you know about seperation well…is it possible that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them? At the same time I was wondering if it is possible that, we can live our entire life without loving anyone at all?

Mew in Love of Siam

Update

2011-08-09T23:14:00.005+08:00

For the past one month and a half I have been -

Touring around schools in Bangkok to conduct workshops on ASEAN

Exploring and learning the unknowns of a foreign country

Having a time of my life mamasan-ing a ~~group of diverse friends~~ family

Inducted into a new fun loving family

And not forgetting to celebrate my twentieth birthday by simply living my life to the max!

Cheers everyone!

Finding Zen

2011-06-10T03:25:00.005+08:00

It's 3 in the morning, and I am finding my thoughts drifting to my fellow EBs. Amid the work that I have to do, I am reminded of those fun, dodgy moments we had in the short span of 2 months. I guess 2 months really made such a difference.

Right now I am finding my own zen. It's almost 4 but I can see myself, back there with them, buried and overwhelmed. Funny, seeing how previously, all I wanted was to go back home and taste my Mum's curry chicken. Things are strange, but I guess that's really how things are.

We are ruled by our emotions at the end of the day. More so for me than what I initially imagined it to be.

Values

2011-06-01T00:06:00.002+08:00

If our beliefs and actions are defined by our values, what are we when we act upon only to realize that they aren't align to others? Will it be seen as an selfish, bigoted act with ill intent? A most challenging act would be to balance oneself precariously on a thin line of faith trying to fulfill one's values as well as catering to the values of others.

It would be really nice to take a small break once in awhile. Away from all the paradox of juggling and not compromising. The thought of being back home. In my bed. Or catching up on the familiarities, friends and food is a comforting thought indeed.

But then again, at the back of it all, the same precarious act of constant balancing between values will forever more be around. At least for the next one term.

Until that last day of the term, I have to be a fighter. Holding on to my fort.

Day 28

2011-05-22T16:32:00.002+08:00

Dear Association Internationale des Étudiants en Sciences Économiques et Commerciales,

You are an entity of wonder. As much as you are a pandora box to my GPA, you are also undeniably helpful. You brought new perspectives and new friends to my otherwise nondescript freshmen year. And most importantly, immersing in all things about you, I am beginning to perhaps realign my future prospects.

For starters, I am no longer attracted to the notion of a bank job from 9 to 5 dealing with the backdoor workings of a financial institution. Nor am I keen to crunch numbers all day long as an accountant. Although, I do not know exactly what I am keen to work with after my grad years, I suppose it will be completely different from what I imagine it to be as before.

Above and beyond career prospects, I am now looking at building a network of people. Of friends, confidants and long time buddies. With that much of hours spent in it, I am rather confidant that, I can start planning grand schemes to take over the world. In a literal and figurative sense of course.

So for the next one year, two or maybe even three years to come, you will see me around. That much is a promise.

Cheers,
Yours

A Moment Like This

2011-04-05T01:50:00.000+08:00

There will be a point in time, where all the KPIs in the world and achievements will fall short to a single element. An element of self satisfaction; that peculiar sense of fulfillment encapsulate a complex array of emotions raging from being glad that it's over, being happy that no major hiccup or screw ups happened, feeling immensely proud of seeing how others are happy over seemingly straight forward stuffs such as printed t-shirts, black pepper chickens and blue passports measuring 120 by 80 to wishing things could be done better with the external speakers, welfare of the organizing committee, conference agendas and whatnot.

XPrep Conference: Experience the Change (02 April 2011)

I would be the first to admit that through out these two months leading to the conference, I bitched a lot. From all things small to big, I was critical, grumpy and worse of all I was harboring to the point of being a Financial Nazi that would have made Ebenezer Scrooge a happy father if he had me as a son. But looking back, I do think that it was this very green, foreign learning journey for all of us at the organizing committee side that gave this experience its particular twist of essence.

Hence, to all, thank you. For bearing with me and also for making this a success.

The Days Ahead

2011-03-18T21:09:00.000+08:00

I am at this point of my life, taking on different roles of leadership and responsibilities. I am no longer accountable to myself solely. I have to look out for others at a micro and macro level. From being accountable for their well being, growth and delivery of results to the long term strategic planning process.

In the past, I have had thought about this before. Imagining myself to be in that position of power. Wondering how it will be like to have others looking to me for direction and instructions. The very idea of being in that position to inspire and influence others actually exhilarated me.

Now that I am finally here - in that position of power, I feel the utmost weight of solemnity. The need to balance one's aspiration with the expectation to deliver. The need to see the far ahead and act upon it.But somewhere amid all these feelings, that spark of exhilaration is still there.

The terms ahead will not be an easy one. But hopefully it will also be one of the best ones that I will go through during my undergraduate days.

Untitled

2011-02-23T19:43:00.001+08:00

I need to blog. Even if I have no specific subject in mind as I am typing this. Disparate thoughts are running through my. This is week 8 of my academic term. The mid-term break. But there isn't a break. There is something happening or going on each day. I am camping in school so much so that I am now making a sub-conscious attempt to stay back at school from the morning till night. Even if when it's not necessary to do so in the first place. But this isn't sad though. It's poignant at worst, amusing at best. Because in some strange, mystical way I am beginning to feel at ease with the prolonged duration spent at school. It could be the people in it. Or it could be the stuff that I do. Either way I am relishing the moment.

Day 29

2011-02-13T00:22:00.001+08:00

Dear Everyone,

I wish I can just pluck the courage and take that leap of faith. But the fact is I am just too contented with status quo.

So do allow me the indulgence. Even if it's a self perpetuating thing.

Thankyouverymuch.

Sincerely,
Yours

I Quote

2011-02-10T01:59:00.000+08:00

The doll is the girl’s special plaything; this shows her instinctive bent towards her life’s
work. [. . .] she sees her doll, she cannot see herself; she cannot do anything for herself,
she has neither the training, nor the talent, nor the strength; as yet she herself is nothing;
she is engrossed in her doll and all her coquetry is devoted to it. This will not always be
so; in due time she will become her own doll.

(Rousseau, Emile 1762: 421–422)

Uninformed Optimism?

2011-01-21T00:19:00.000+08:00

At week 3 of my term 2 academic calendar, life cannot be any more happening. (note the sarcasm/irony) The past week was most unkind to me. I was sick. On top of it, I was and still am trying to catch up on my lessons with the usual mix of CCA, meetings, group projects and other misc, stuff to attend to.

Despite me being in my all time vulnerable self, things did not seem so bad this time around. I recall myself feeling much crappier last term when I was hit by a similar plague of illness composing of flu, cough, fever and sore throat amidst all the other stuff I had to attend to. Perhaps I am at my final stages of normalizing to the culture here. The only time where I wasn't occupied with something is me trying to catch as much sleep as possible.

I am much aware of how in the coming weeks things will only be more uphill than ever. With 5 full modules to handle this semester including the notoriously time and effort consuming LTB (Leadership and Team Building) and AW (Academic Writing) mods to look out for, I am surprisingly not pessimistic about things in general. Contrast to how I would normally be. I am begining to think that I am even somewhat optimistic about how things will unfold. This is of course particularly dangerous according to one of my prof's theory.

Shahi.G (2010) Proactively Managing Change - Understanding the Pessimism Time Curve, Bio Business Asia 2004

For I could be stuck at the hopeless stage of uninformed optimism where I might not be fully aware of the risks I am currently undertaking.

But at this point of my life, I am just too shagged and consumed to think about which stage I am at currently or how I will potentially slide bottom in the pessimism-time curve at any time of the day. I will keep note of this. For a freer day perhaps.

Dream It, Live It

2011-01-13T21:30:00.000+08:00

Snipped from AIESEC Singapore

All is fine. Initial blurness aside, all is not for naught. I have seen the bigger picture. For in the end something sweet always awaits.

Year End Reflection / New Year Resolution

2010-12-26T00:35:00.001+08:00

At 19, I do not think I have lived long enough to know the world and its content. Of the many people I have met and the friends that I have made along the way, though each are unique in their very own way, I am still searching for that one person to call my own. I may gone through 12 years of education so far but I can never quite confidently say I am prepared to face the world. Each day feels new to me in its own little way. Filled with opportunities to make it or break it.

At times, amidst all of these, it almost too easy to forget at 19, things are starting to look differently too. In fact, things are beginning to operate on a different level. No longer can ideals be achieved with determination and hard effort. As much as I like to believe that's the case, what I have learn through out this year and a half is that at times if not most of the time the utility of a dollar coupled with sheer/dumb/fated luck will reign supreme.

The former was and still is particularly important to me.I am now in this phase where there is a dollar and cent value attached to almost everything that revolves around me. I might not have noticed it back when I was 12 or even 17 but as of now, the dollar bill is quite visible I would say. I do not hope to jinx myself by saying this but I do see in years to come, the incentive of the dollar bill will only grow bigger and bigger.

I only hope by then I do not lose track of myself. Walking without a destination in sight is painful. To keep on walking down that path is even more painful. Thus, I am feeling very fortunate right now. To be able to reconcile my expectation of the ideals to what the reality entails me to do is something I count as a blessing each day. I have a destination in sight. A means to get there. Perhaps all that is left is having some sheer/dumb/fateful luck.

I would really like to keep to this. Whenever and wherever I am.

Day 11

2010-12-18T19:57:00.002+08:00

Dear Gong Gong,

We just cleared your paraphernalia yesterday. Although it has been awhile, we are only able to go through them in detail yesterday. I do suppose job of such nature requires a delicate balance between acceptance and brevity. I think you will be glad to know that everyone especially Po Po was in good spirit. Before we started the clearing we even celebrated her birthday. Needless to say it kept her in a jovial tone through out. She has recovered much since her minor stroke attack. I would even go as far as saying she is almost back to her former self.

Going back to the matter of clearing up your possessions, I would say that I have learn much about you during the process. I know we do not have the tightest relationship prior to this. May it be due to the family setting, language barrier or even the generation gap for that matter. But I will always recall you in fond memories. In life, I know you as a well educated Chinese tailor who spent most of his days in the town of Alor Star. But at this very moment, you are much more than that. Through your paraphernalia I seen a glimpse of your extensive traveling in your youth. It is through the plethora of postcards, souvenirs and well kept letters from your friends that offer me a better insight into you. Your meticulousness for details and sentimentality speaks of man of good principles that were upheld even to the very end. However, I hope you won't mind me keeping a few of those tokens as mementos of you for my own.

If there is a message I ever need to send across to you it would be that everything is well at our end. Know that we will always have you in our hearts and thoughts. Your gift to me in the form of my chinese name is also something I will carry on proudly for the rest of my life. As illiterate I am in chinese, knowing how to write those three characters and the meaning it hold will be my own little way to cherish you.

Thank you.

With Love,
加孟

Of Time and Friends

2010-12-16T22:14:00.000+08:00

I am seized by a sudden panic attack. Looking at the calendar tells me that I have about 2 more weeks to go before Term 2 commences. At this point, I am not sure I can accomplish half of the things I set out prior to my holidays. In a moment of weakness, I had these grand visions on how I will spend my holiday when I was asked what I will do during the term break. I was confident that I will be meeting up with my old friends, doing some traveling, bonding with my family, sharpening my culinary skills and heck even get a head start in my upcoming Statistical Theory for next semester by going through the syllabus. At one point I even told myself I will be matter loading as much as possible in preparation for next year's debating season.

Boy was I naive.

Currently catching up with old friends seem to be the hardest to accomplish in my list to do. I have only met a handful of them. Trailing behind seems like a never ending list of old contacts whom I wish to be reacquainted once more but reality seems to be conspiring against it. Perhaps I am not trying hard enough, but coming to a sudden realization that one's friends no longer live within a mile radius from you (or heck even in the same time zone as one) and not being able to meet up with them as frequent as intended, is not a pleasant feeling at all. In addition to the tinge of guilt felt, I can't help but feeling resigned over the fact that, as time flies, everyone has to carry on with their own separate lives. With it the distance, unfamiliarity and awkwardness also follows. Arriving at such conclusion I can only count on nostalgia and Facebook to play their parts in order to offset the waning of such relationships.

Meanwhile, time for me to spend my remaining hours of my holiday more fruitfully. Hopefully.

A Long Way to Go

2010-12-12T03:58:00.001+08:00

BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?

Instructions:
Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read. Tag other book nerds and publish.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen ( )
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (x)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte ( )
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (x)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (x)
6 The Bible - ( )
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (x)
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell (x)
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman (x)
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens ( )
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott (x)
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy ( )
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller ( )
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare ( )
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier ( )
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien (x)
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk ( )
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger (x)
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger ( )
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot ( )
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell ( )
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald (x)
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens ( )
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy ( )
25 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams ( )
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh ( )
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky ( )
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck ( )
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll (x)
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame ( )
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy ( )
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens ( )
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (x)
34 Emma - Jane Austen ( )
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen ( )
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (x)
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini ( )
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres ( )
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden ( )
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne ( )
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell (x)
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown ( )
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ( )
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving ( )
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins ( )
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery ( )
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy ( )
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood ( )
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding (x)
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan ( )
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel ( )
52 Dune - Frank Herbert ( )
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons ( )
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen ( )
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth ( )
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon ( )
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens ( )
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley ( )
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon ( )
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ( )
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck (x)
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (x)
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt ( )
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold (x)
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas ( )
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac ( )
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy ( )
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding ( )
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie ( )
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville ( )
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (x)
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker (x)
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett ( )
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson ( )
75 Ulysses - James Joyce ( )
76 The Inferno - Dante ( )
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome ( )
78 Germinal - Emile Zola ( )
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray ( )
80 Possession - AS Byatt ( )
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens ( )
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell ( )
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker ( )
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro ( )
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert ( )
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry ( )
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White ( )
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom (x)
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (x)
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton ( )
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad ( )
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery ( )
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks ( )
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams ( )
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole ( )
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute ( )
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas ( )
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare ( )
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl ( )
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo ( )

Postscript - Only included the ones I finished, But oh boy, 22/100! Looks like I have a long way to go. Sigh. But on a bright side, I proved BBC wrong. =P

Day 2 / Day 18

2010-12-12T03:57:00.000+08:00

Dear XX

I have never quite encounter anyone like you. Not in my 19 years of life time at least.

Being in the same room as you has this curious effect of making me more self conscious of my own awkwardness. Every flaw, superficiality borne on my part is magnified to a pulsating degree. There was a moment where I almost lost it. Back then, all I wanted to do was to spill my guts out to you. The consequences and what the others would think almost came secondary when it comes to gaining a nod from you. At the brink of such emotions, I would often think what you would have done if you are in my shoes. You would probably came out forthright anyway. Unlike me.

Listening to you for the first time has left a deep impact within me. I am smitten by your devil-may-care candidness. But beneath the awe, your petite silhouette is somewhat a source of inspiration to me as well. I want to emulate your qualities. The eloquence, the crassness, everything.

Writing this has made me realized. I want to be you as much as I want you to be by my side.

Sincerely,
Yours

Falling for It

2010-12-10T02:07:00.001+08:00

Now and then I have these sudden strokes of epiphany. From learning how to operate a certain pesky electronic device to figuring out the proper directions to a desired destination, such momentary burst of intuitive perception never fails to uplift a person's spirit. Today, fresh from s straight 12 hours of hibernation I had a fuzzy burst of epiphany. Albeit the vividness I recall seeing a glimpse of the the future that awaits. Amid the random pieces, I see my own sense of belonging. Poised with confidence and determination, the thought of it is so warm and uplifting. I think I am falling for debating all over again.

I Quote

2010-11-26T02:07:00.001+08:00

I said, finally our time has come. For far too long our voices - the voices of the average have been drowned in the sea of unique individuals and overly exceptional people.

Anthony Corvino

It Came as It Left

2010-11-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

A few hours back I just had a final term paper. With it, came an end of a 15 weeks old subject. The journey itself was wrought with an inexplicably feel of ennui. My mind just won't let go of the fact that I had it in me all this while but never quite making it. Even at the very final moment. The redeeming point left in a hurried manner as it came at the start.

Just this once, there won't be any happy endings.

Ear Candy: Distant Dreamer

2010-11-16T22:28:00.002+08:00

Day 17

2010-11-13T23:52:00.001+08:00

Dear K,

Tonight was your big night and I am glad that I manage to play a small part in it. It has been ages since we last cross path. Truthfully, though out the years the relationship between us have waned a lot. Along the way, many value judgments were passed. The child-like imagery I had on you grew on to be a seed of discontent in which I was forceful reminded of during my adolescent years.

But as life would have it, as I aged I get to relate more to the things you did in the past. In an ironic way, having gone down the same road as you, an insight was gained. I believe we are currently reconnecting the past. I no longer hold you in the same light as I once I held you in. Thus the civility between us I suppose.

All in all, I wish you all the best in your new embarkings in life as I embark on mine.

Sincerely,
Yours

D+

2010-11-10T21:54:00.000+08:00

Swiped from vonSchnauzer

A: What do you do now?

a: I dunno, a realignment of priorities?

A: Yeah, right. Just go and f**king study that subject.

Day 24

2010-11-09T00:36:00.001+08:00

Dear De' Fluffe/Stratus Building Solutions Co,

Thank you for giving me such an awesome memory for sem one. The time we had is undeniably one of my fondest moment at SMU so far. From the pizzas to the Cove to the presentation. No doubt the whole process consumed a lot of time and effort but looking at what we achieved today, it was really something worth being proud of.

As much as I lament at the fact that our time together has ended, I am hopeful of us collaborating again in the near future. Even if we don't do this as a team again, this whole episode has inspired me to look forward to similar chemistry in the near future.

Cheers!

Trully,
Yours

All I Ever Wanted

2010-10-29T19:47:00.000+08:00

Someday in the near future, I am going to kick back and just read all day. Books after books with a flask of warm honey lemon to sip in now and then.

Absolutely gorgeous I say.

I Won't Have it Any Other Way

2010-10-25T13:58:00.000+08:00

In retrospect, many things have come and gone by since my last post. Within the last two weeks I have experienced a gamut of emotions and thoughts which often ran from one end of the positive spectrum to the other. At my present stage I find myself feeling pretty contented and strangely at peace. Despite the workload bordering closely between the line of insanity and sadomasochism, I don't think I will have it any other way. One of the main driving force for me to come down here is in fact to experience all of these. So now that I am currently living it, why not go through it all?

Carpe diem I say.

Day 3

2010-10-08T03:11:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum & Dad,

Words of gratitude can't possibly be enough to repay what both of you have given to me all these years. Besides, providing me with an education, comfort and financial security, both of you have shaped me into what I am today. For the latter reason alone, I have so much to be thankful for. I do wish I am more forthright with my feelings with both of you at times. Especially you Dad.

That way I can tell you how much you have impacted me towards all these years. You who have taught me so many things from my elementary arithmetic to riding a bicycle to learning how to handle my finance. The things you have taught me are in fact a testament to the progression of our relationship. I draw upon your silent presence and unyielding stand. From a fatherly figure whom I look up to for being all-knowing to someone whom I came to understand a little better of his life struggle and expectations. I have never once question your paternal authority but it wasn't only till recently that I actually did it without realizing it. It was when you insisted on accompanying me all the way to Singapore for my enrollment. I did not want you to take leave for several days to walk haphazardly in the unknown streets of the island searching for the hostel, hospital and whatnots with me. But it never occur to me back then, that you are actually insisting to come along because you want to. Not because you had to. It was only after when you left, I am reminded of the fact that I am blessed with a dad. That particular thought alone is comforting enough for me even when I am going through the toughest of time.

As for you Mum, I think I have always been perceived as a Mama's boy for most part of my life. I am not afraid to admit that I am one. You have always been the personification of a strong principle driven women in my life. No where else have I encounter a women that I have that much respect and love for. You have single handedly shown and taught me a large chunk of my emotional development over the years. Through you, I have seen tenderness in tenacity, strength in times of hardship and most importantly the means of being a living individual. You brought the realism of life to the simplest of manner to me. All things under the sun such as to love, to cry, to be angry, to mourn, to pray and so on were handed by you to me. I am very much appreciative of all the things and sacrifice you have taken for me and Sher-Men as well. From opting for an optional retirement for both our sake to being pragmatic and frugal for both of our future goes without saying the best gift you can ever provide us. I promise to make it up to you with the time and effort I have. The years and opportunities you lost for our sake will be me amended twice fold if not tripled and quadrupled. I know you are taking huge leaps in recent years. For that I promise to be there with you.

On a final note, to both of you, I have always counted my blessings. Especially for the love I have been showered. I also know that you two have given a lot to me especially over the recent years. Looking beyond the financial means that you two are currently providing me for my tertiary education which still comes of as a substantial amount, you two have given me the autonomy to decide what I want from my life and to a greater extension my own self. Never have you two prompted me to take up something I did not like. Even when I was facing a crisis as to not knowing what I want from myself, you two stood by me and gave me the time to decide for myself. For that and all of the above as well as the countless moments that you two have given me I thank you both with the deepest of my heart.

With the greatest love,

Your Son

Day 9

2010-09-29T02:03:00.001+08:00

To My Dearest,

I have been waiting for you for as long I can remember. You often come into my mind as a faceless individual. Although I am unable to picture your features, your vivid warmth and comforting presence has always been synonymous to you in my reveries. I recall with the utmost fondness how I used to be awaken from my reveries of you with a silly grin on my face now and then.

I know you are somewhere out there. Waiting. Perhaps wondering as clueless as I am. I know not if you will think of me as how I think of you. But do know that, when I get to meet you, I hope to be able to make an impression on you.

I must confess to a certain extent I am in love with the idea of falling in love. To be attached and love with all my soul. There will be difficulties, downs and whatnots in our relationship, but really isn't this a key take away of every relationship? Of course, there will be the awfully sweet and cheesy moments as well. Nonewithstanding, I promise to cherish you and keep in mind what matters the most.

Essentially, what truly matters is the journey and memories made, no? The destination is very much an added bonus to me.

So to us, I look forward to the day where you will enter into my life.

With love,
Yours

Kuro

2010-09-25T22:04:00.002+08:00

a glossy night sky

abuzz with revelries

setting about a twang

Of Current Updates

2010-09-22T00:52:00.001+08:00

Okay there is a need to blog at least one post on my current updates at here. It's now the sixth week of my academic calendar and I just realized there has been scant posts about what I am currently up to. My previous posts have been somewhat vague on it.

Come to think about it, haven't I always been this vague with my postings? Oh well, I shall be unreserved and straightforward now and then when I feel like it. Wtf, right?

Anyway, back to what I am currently up to. For those who don't know, I am currently a freshmen at SMU's School of Business, Singapore. I am taking up to five modules this semester. In total they only make up to 4 units worth of Credit Units. I need up to 36 units in this 4 years time to graduate with a Bachelor in Business Management. If I am planing to take up a double major or a double degree (both possibilities which seem rather distant and far off right now) naturally, I will need to take up more credit units.

Although I am currently undergoing my sixth academic week, (we only have up to 15 weeks per semester) I only have a vague idea of what is going on.. I mean I get the working culture here, with the late nights, multi tasking, juggling of CCA's (clubs and societies that is) with group meetings, datelines, assignments, presentations and whatnots, academic wise I can only tell people so far as to what my subjects are.

Content wise, I am still trying to figure them out. I mean I have Financial Accounting. That is something solid. I am taking up other mods like Technology and World Change, Creative Thinking, Analytical Skills and Business, Government and Societies as well. In which so far, they have been rather vague? I don't know. I get the usefulness and the values they are trying to impart, but I am still wishing for something more tangible? Lol. I don't get myself at times.

Compared to some of my fellow freshmen, they are literally slogging with some of the others mods. I am relatively "free" when I am put on the same pedestal as them. I keep telling myself and others that I will suffer in epic karma-tic proportions for my subsequent semesters.

Enough bout academic stuff, I shall talk about the livelihood in here. As expected, the city state has been so far a pleasant experience. Streets are safe, transportation are systematic and so on. I really don't have to reiterate what people already know bout Singapore right? On the other hand, stuffs that some might find it interesting to note are that, the staple food in here has to be chicken rice. I find it everywhere. At food courts and basically every corner of the street there is bound to be chicken rice. Even at Little India. Which I find that to be rather ironic. The price of stuff here isn't that bad as well, if I don't keep mentally converting every price tag that I see back to Ringgit Malaysia. Wtf. Such a bad habit. Cause then I will be like, asking myself how much can I get that plate of chicken rice back home? How much does that milo and cookies cost in RM? Invariably, I will arrive at the painful conclusion that stuff at home is cheaper and that I need to save up more at here. Wtf. I hate the meager spending power.

Besides that, another thing to note about the social setting at here is that at my uni, there are quite a number of international students. I have so far come across people from various nations. No kidding when they say, at SMU, one get to find every single South East Asia countries to be represented. In a way I get to learn a lot more from them as well as clearing my bigotry. Make no mistake, I am that daft at times.

Awesome people asides, the side activities are very rampant as well. I recall donating blood at the school's blood donation drive for the first time in my life when I was only at Singapore roughly about the second or third week. There so many opportunities to nitpick from. Conferences, info talks, luncheons, high teas (free food!), and many more. Really, time management is a serious issue that I need to re-examine in my life. I need to be more efficient and less forgetful to manage my time. I need a better diary planner. Goddamnit. (why are the ones here so expensive ah?)

All in all, my time spent so far at here really prove my expectations. And to be wholly honest, certain areas were way exceeding my preconceived notions. In a good sense that is. Hence, I really look forward to my next three and a three quarter years of education at SMU. How could I ever think that four years for a degree in Business Management can be a tad too much in the past? How gullible.

I will stop myself at here for tonight. I do believe I have been outright forward with my thoughts and experience so far in this post. Something that I need to do more in my future postings. I know.

Day 7

2010-09-17T01:09:00.000+08:00

Dear Y,

Initially, our interactions can be liken to a love/hate thing. I recall with the utmost fondness how you wrote for one of my Birthday greeting that "at times I like you for everything, at times I hate you for everything". I am not the sort to hold grudges, but I am still able to recall that till today because it perfectly sums up my thoughts on you at that moment as well.

Fast forward to a year or two later, I now find myself in an unforeseen circumstance. In almost every social and academic events, you were there. It took me an incredibly long period of time to take notice of, but something between us have changed. It has changed for the better. I would say we have grown so comfortable in each other's presence and attitude that at times, no exchange of words were necessary. No formalities nor pleasantries were needed as well. Because we can be that candid with each other.

Hence, it is through this letter I pledge to maintain our candidness no matter where we may be or how old we may turn out next time. I wish you all the best in your undertakings and do spare some thoughts on me as how I would spare some on you especially on those bitter sweet days of reminiscing the joys of past.

Affectionately,
Yours

Illness

2010-09-16T11:19:00.001+08:00

What does it mean to fall sick in a foreign land? Detach of the familiar environment and people who have always been there for you. One ends up going through this wallowing in self pity stage to a severe case of homesickness. But thankfully, it does not end right there and then. One will (eventually) see the light at the end of the tunnel . That is when, one realizes that he isn't truly in solitude. Not in the strictest sense at least. Family and friends are in fact just a call away. A plethora of pictures and updates on Facebook are also there to remind oneself of his roots.

As it turns out, it ain't so bad to fall sick after all. It serves as a gentle reminder/wake up call to oneself - of the things that truly matter.

Re: Wanderlust

2010-09-13T20:41:00.000+08:00

Swiped from We are Living Photography

Day 19

2010-09-02T01:42:00.000+08:00

Dear Malaysia,

I do not like commenting on you. Especially through this means. It has always been a personal belief of mine to refrain myself (at times with great difficulties) from writing about you. May it be at this blogsphere or other forms of media. For I believe too much has been said about you at times. The good. The bad or the outright ugly. I have heard and read them all. Which is why I do not like to lend my voice to the already overcrowded, suffocating and noisy landscape that is unfortunately plaguing you. Hence, this will be a rare once in a blue moon sort of thing.

Besides the aforementioned reasons, I am quite daft you see. I am unable to phrase myself eloquently enough to capture what my heart truly believe in. For most of the times, I really do believe in the four letter word being the best response that I can come up with. No kidding. I am also sadly an uneducated pariah when it comes to your policies, runnings and whatnots. However, I do hope to improve my understanding of the science behind your governance and rationalization in the near future.

If I have to come up with a main point in writing this letter, it would be to satisfy my whimsical whim of writing a entry about you for the sake of writing itself. At here I wish to bring up something that I feel strongly about. It may not be politically accurate nor is it a serious academic point of view that needs to be taken seriously.

First of, a bit more on myself. I am currently not residing at your place. For the first time, in my nineteen years of life, I am leaving you to reside somewhere else. I am currently residing at your southern brethren for the purpose of furthering my education. Do not read too much into my decision to leave your shores to take up abode else where. Do not feel insulted for me choosing another's education instead of yours as well. Really, it's not you with the problem. It's me. I am unable to cope with your current public institution hence the need for me to find alternatives.

As for the conventional wisdom of advising me to reside here even after I have completed my studies, I honestly do not know the answer to that. 'Cause I have not given much thoughts on it. Another fine example of me being that daft. However, I would like to think I am the sort of person that is both practical and sentimental. A paradox. That much I am aware of.

But still, I would definitely like to base all of my present and future decision on the economical viability of the situation that I am facing. Unless, we are really that altruistic, let's face it, in a way all of our main priority is filling our own needs and wants first. But here comes the sentimental part. I absolutely detest being a purely effective economic unit. Thus, I would like to be identify my future undertakings on what I strongly believe in.

And what is it that I strongly believe in you may ask? A sense of familiarity. I am fond of my family. I am fond of my friends. I am fond of root and heritage. Evidently, you currently have all of that right now. Although, I don't often sing praises about you in public or that I occasionally take part in those sporadic bashing of you, do know I still feel a surge of pride when never I am being identified for what I am. I am a Malaysian banana who converse in English, Malay and various Chinese dialects. I am both a "jaguh kampung" and a "glocal" with the mindset of a "jakun".

Honestly, while I am writing this I am yet to come to terms what you really stand for in my heart. But like my faith, you will always have a special spot in it. It isn't something I can easily sell or market to people. (Not that I see the need to do so in the first place) But that does not devalue you in any sense.

For the years to come, I forsee myself still struggling with an answer. So I ask for your patience. For the day, when I stop being such a daft and begin picking up the pieces for you instead.

Sincerely,
Yours

It's Time

2010-08-30T01:46:00.001+08:00

Swiped from williamcho

It has been almost two weeks since I landed at Singapore. In retrospect, the week has gone by amazingly fast. The rhythm of the city state has been unsurprisingly fast too. In that very short time span, I also feel the evident urgency to grow along it as well.

In the past, I don't often give thought on how it will be like to be an undergrad. I always thought that once, I am to enter an Uni, everything else will fall into place. In hindsight, that much is probably true. But there is also the unfactored equation. No amount of research, digging around, or mental prep-ing is sufficient for the life ahead. It be presumptions of me to assume otherwise.

So to the life ahead that awaits me, I am steadily looking forward to it. I am still fumbling with my footing now and then. But in due time, I will find it. By then, I hope to accumulate enough wealth to call it my own.

Opening Up Doors

2010-08-22T22:18:00.001+08:00

The flashy lights piercing the smoke screen. All is lost within the wave of hands with the booming noise as the background. As midnight beckons on the rest, one soul can't help but wonder - "Will this open up more doors?" The sound of merry making is still at large after all.

I Quote

2010-08-21T19:38:00.001+08:00

"..I've imagined myself there so often now that my imagining has taken on the color of memory. You say this is wrong? Who was it, I want to know, who first divided history from dream, who ran his finger down the ranges of the past and decreed a frontier where none had been? When was the treaty that gave us this damnable map, and who gave it authority? No, I'll say it once and be done with it: There is no frontier, in this world or any other, that love or desire or pain can't cross."

God's Fool by Mark Slouka

Day 5

2010-08-18T03:46:00.000+08:00

Dear Dreams,

To be frankly honest, I rarely think of you. Unlike the common Joe, I do not define you. Not in the strictest sense at least. When, I was a wee little lad, perhaps, all I had was a preconceived image of you - in a suit or a lab coat. But even so, it was because I needed it to shut the others up. It sounded almost like a mechanical response then. And occasionally, it still sounds like one now.

But I am slowly progressing. Inch by inch, I am starting to re-define you in a clearer light. I do not wish to see you from an economical point of view. Neither, do I wish to view you in terms of status or as a mere goal in attaining the fable "5 C's" of the malehood.

Instead, I want you to be my faithful companion. Through thick or thin, ebb or flow, high or low, up or down, I want you to be there. Omnipresent and guiding. I wish to be contented at any given point of my life. I wish to contribute as well as making a difference. However, small it is, I hope to at least preserve my ideals.

Can I count on you for that much?

With Regards,
Yours

Shiro

2010-08-16T01:40:00.000+08:00

soufflé of clouds

lazying around

i await for them to arrive

Day 30

2010-08-14T02:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Reflection,

What happen to that euphoric rush that you felt just two days ago? Has it free fall to the point where only fear and insecurities are left? What happen to the iron like conviction that you had when you swiftly decided to make the call? Was all that chased away by those intimidating jargons? Of ICA, IPA, Prinsep, and whatnots.

Search. Search deeper for a reason to fly. To fly into the unknown waters. To be a minority amongst the minorities. Resolve the issues at hand and find the lion's courage to smile in the face of uncertainties. No one may know what the future holds. Hence, the urgency to count your blessing and make the best out of it.

Go forth and be merry once more. For you are me, and I am you.

Sincerely,
Yours

RE: The 30 Days Letter Challenge

2010-08-10T00:40:00.013+08:00

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
~~Day 2 — Your Crush~~
~~Day 3 — Your parents~~
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
~~Day 5 — Your dreams~~
Day 6 — A stranger
~~Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush~~
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
~~Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet~~
~~Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to~~
~~Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to~~
~~Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain~~
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
~~Day 17 — Someone from your childhood~~
~~Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be~~
~~Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad~~
~~Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest~~
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
~~Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to~~
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
~~Day 24 — The person that gave you your favourite memory~~
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
~~Day 28 — Someone that changed your life~~
~~Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to~~
~~Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror~~

19

2010-08-09T02:51:00.000+08:00

I used to have fears of parting. Parting with friends, family, home and basically all things familiar to me. But one day, I came up with an awesome solution. Rather than looking at those partings on a face value, I will look at their merits. Of the stories behind each individual; those special moments and even those nondescript moments. They will all serve as a reminder should I ever feel off beaten that I had the ups before I had the downs. That they all count for something and that nothing is ever a waste or a miss.

So to my friends, family, home and basically all things familiar, we had our good ol' times no? No matter where the road takes me next, I know I will have all of you to fall back to.

Another memento to fall back to.

What If

2010-08-03T02:33:00.000+08:00

The last 8 hours have been a most distressing one for my family and I. Without the slightest hint nor warning, my grandmother had a mini stroke. At the time of incident, none of us knew what caused her to become so emotionally labile. Her slurred speech may perhaps be an indicator of what is taking place. But really, we just panicked. It was sheer madness with a mix of confusion and fright.

In hindsight, the decision to bring her to the clinic for an initial diagnosis and the subsequent decision to send her to the hospital may be validated by the doctor's diagnosis of her suffering from a minor stroke. But really.. It was too close of a shave. All sort of what-ifs were playing our heads. What if we shrugged of the episode and opt to observe her for another night at home instead? What if the clinic did not answer my late call for an emergency check up? What if it took place at Alor Star instead of SP?

I am telling myself all that matters, is that the right course of action was taken and that most importantly she is now getting the proper medical attention that she needs at the ICU. However,this time around, the what-ifs are particularly harder to ignore. Not after what I have witnessed first hand.

Collectibles : A Pictorial

2010-08-02T01:59:00.005+08:00

Counterclockwise: Ursula, Axel, Sora, Ansem

You gotta love those random collectibles. You never know what you're gonna get.

Don't Ask, Don't Answer

2010-08-01T11:28:00.004+08:00

August is finally here, and I am still as clueless as ever. It can be so irksome at times when people ask me questions that I have no actual answer to them. Like - where are you studying after this? What course will you be doing? Hayioo, why you don't want to go oversea? What you wanna become next time if study that?

Swear to God, I find the whole thing to be so vexing at times that, I don't know why I get so annoyed anymore when confronted with such questions. Is it because, the people who ask them aren't genuinely sincere in knowing my progress and that their merely being ke pohs? Or that asking such questions has become such a mechanical formality to the extent, every now and then, there is a need to reinstate such questionings? Part of the annoyance can also be credited to the simple fact that I have NO real answers to them.

Yes, I am hoping to get into one of the Singapore Unis namely, NTU or SMU.
No, I do not know what course I will be doing there. The whole admission thing still hinges on my A Level results which will be out in about 11 days or so. But if you insist on knowing, it will most likely be a degree in business or accounting. Definitely, in the commerce line.
Yes, I have considered other options of studying elsewhere prior to this. I have taken into account of studying at UK, US, Australia and even Cannada for that matter.
No, I do not have the sort of money nor the financial means to sustain my edu at those countries.
No, I do not know what I will become in the future. Probably an accountant if I don't go to Singapore as I will be doing my ACCA in Malaysia instead.
No, it doesn't get any clearer than this.

Let it be know that, though I have a penchant of recycling the above as replies when attacked with mind numbing questions of my plans, track and whatnot, those are NOT my real answers. I wish I can take the time to explain to the mass public on the ongoing dilemma I am battling everyday in my head. Of the Art stream against Science stream argument. Of the dichotomy between choosing a solid career prospect or a 3 years of university life which will the crucial shaping point of my life.

Really, I do wish I am able to take the time to work up the courage to divulge all of my fears, insecurities and misconceptions to those pesky people. But I don't. For most of the time that's that. My answers to such questions usually end at no. 5.

Now that I have all of that cleared up, it's really time for me to nurse myself back to health. I have never been this sick since my secondary schooling days.

Home?

2010-07-18T22:38:00.005+08:00

Present or past, I have always deny (vehemently) that I'm converting into a Penangite, Surely, I can't be counted as one just because I have been living there for a year or that my IC has a 07 in it? I still see myself as a budak SP. Jakun in nature.

However, over the last one year, due to the alternating between SP and Penang, I find it difficult at times, identifying which is my home. I know to some, the distinction between those two should seem very clear and that there shouldn't even be any confusion in the first place. I wish it was so. But it isn't.

Take for example, last Wednesday where I finally got back to the island after spending a long weekend at SP. I actually find myself, being excited at the sight of my place after not seeing it for days. Imagine that. I was actually yearning to get back to my oh-so-familiar bed and taking a hot shower in that oh-so-small toilet. Perhaps, it could be me being tired after having a long day, but the feeling of relief back then was unmistakable. It's a feeling akin to one being back at home after being so homesick for a long time.

Now that I am on this little island once more, occasionally my thoughts wander off to SP. Of my room and my mum. The only conclusion that I can think of to reconcile the glaring disparity in this bipolar feelings I have is that I now have two homes. One is my hometown while the other is my birthtown which is slowly growing into my second hometown. It may sounds absurd. Heck even, I find it hard at times, trying to put my thoughts into words, but this is the closest I can put in words. But pretty soon, I may need to leave the latter in search for another place to call my home for the next 3 years at least. Let's see then, how am I to reconcile the tri-dilemma then.

But for the records, I will always be a budak SP. Not a Penangite!

Ps- The picture above (Swiped from Dante C Leon) is totally unrelated to today's post, just that I decided to put in there cause it was a pretty cool mask that my bro and I got in the Bon Odori festival. His is the bronze one (as seen in the pic) while I got myself a green one. *winks*

Self-Explanatory

2010-07-14T01:34:00.005+08:00

When asked by The Sun, to comment on his thoughts on winning the upcoming Hulu Selangor by-election, BN candidate, P.Kamalanathan has this to say - I plan, God decides.

'Nuff said.

Midori

2010-07-12T01:16:00.006+08:00

delicate leaves
dancing with the wind
morning is beginning

Thinking of You

2010-06-20T10:11:00.004+08:00

I used to have a private tutor who drops by at my house twice a week to give me lessons on BM, English and Math. I had her for more than 5 years which was by and large a huge part of my primary schooling years and to a certain extent my childhood. As I was about to begin Standard Six, I vividly recall how she dropped the motherload of all bombshells then - she is migrating to overseas with her family in order for her to pursue her further education.

Back then, either I was too young to grasp the nature of such news or I was being completely yellow about it, that even till this day, I still feel that we did not part on good terms. Of late, I have been thinking of her much more than the usual 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' case. Flashbacks of the good ol' days keep on replaying in my mind like some broken recorder.

I may not have much mementos to cherish her these days as I reminisce about her, safe for my fallible memory. I know not of her last name nor of her current whereabouts for that matter. To make matters worse, all those years spent together, and I don't even have a single picture of her. As aforementioned, all I have now are intangible memories of her, two picture frames and a mee rebus recipe.

Nonewithstanding, I am telling myself, someday in the distant or not so distant future, ~~should~~ when I bump into her on the streets or in some other continent - I will know that it's her. No doubt about it. I will be running to her and give her a big hug. Perhaps, it's a good thing after all that we did not part on good terms.

'Cause it wasn't really a goodbye.

In Need of a Jump Start

2010-06-19T01:53:00.008+08:00

On Jun 11th, I had my last A Level paper. Finally! - I say. My pre-uni days have come and gone, taking away a year of my life with it. Towards the end of the course, it felt as if I was devoting a large chunk of my life in the presence of solitude and isolation. All classes had come to an end by then. I was a stay at home student for through out the one month. Although, I am the sort of guy who enjoys his personal space more than anything else, prolonged periods of being cooped up with a recurring routine can really kill one's spirit.

Undoubtedly, I had my fun and the not-so-fun moments during the year as well, but should anyone ask me on anyday and I will still tell them, I am gladly leaving the year behind. In reality, though the one year was barely enough to cover the syllabus but I find myself at times secretly wishing for June to arrive. Now that it's finally here, I find myself heaving a sigh of relief.

On a side note, I am also in need of a jump start. I feel like some rusty antique car abandon in some junkyard for ages. No kidding. Besides, the glaring inactivity in this blog prior to this, there are many things that I have left behind/put off for the past few months, ie making social contact and figuring out my vocation etc. I really need to pick up the pieces and figure out a way to navigate through them. My routine of course will need to undergo a major haul, but as of now, am loving every bit of it.

La joie de vivre, anyone?

The Dot of My Life

2010-05-09T23:58:00.005+08:00

Behold, the dot of my life! But it is not thou's conventional use of a period to indicate the end of a sentence (or anything else for that matter). Rather, it's a definitive goal to work towards to.

Confused?

Go watch Naruto.

2010-05-08T01:55:00.004+08:00

amphetamine

As Frustrating As It Is

2010-04-17T12:36:00.006+08:00

Do you wanna know what is worth pulling one's hair over? Studying.Or more aptly, self studying for an upcoming exam.

Imagine this; you are casually flipping through the past year papers and you realize, you have no idea or whatsoever what the questions are asking for. You browse through the questions again. This time trying hard to recall part and pieces of what you have learned previously. Yet nothingness comes to the mind. You do not know which topics the questions are referring to nor do you know how to write any form of intelligent answers for it.

You are paralyzed with a sudden fear of impending doom. With 34 days and still counting, you just felt a horrible sensation of your stomach performing a somersault.

Hiding

2010-04-11T02:30:00.010+08:00

"My Facebook is the epitome of - Hidup Segan, Mati Tak Mahu. But I like it."

Swiped from Today's✿Addiction☜ (new icon)'s photostream

Panic Button

2010-04-05T10:54:00.003+08:00

It's time to hit the panic button. With 7 more weeks to go, I can't help but being OMGWTFBBQ over the whole thing. God, have mercy on my soul? I don't think so. I feel old.

I'm Gonna Soak Up the Sun

2010-03-27T23:00:00.004+08:00

Can't really remember when was the last time I went for Qing Ming. Could be years. But I know for certain, I didn't went for last year's session. (not the most filial cucu around) However, I do feel I have atone (to some extent) by waking up at 6 this morning just after 3 hours of sleep to honour my ancestors.

Over at the *insert some Chinese name which I can't recall* graveyard, it wasn't as crowded and busy as I first thought it would be. Perhaps in the coming week, there will be more hustle and bustle? Despite that, the mood was more the less the same one that I had experienced when I was a kid. The hilly slopes, the smoke, the burning offerings and of course the mandatory burn form the joss stick's dropping (pedih). There was even the familiar jingles of the ice cream man circling the graveyard on his motorcycle .

I did however took note of a certain trend going on with regards to the whole Qing Ming business. As the graveyard I went to today, was a rather established one (the site was divided into different sections, with the oldest grave site being over 40 years) I noticed all the older grave sites have the elusive atmosphere of neglect. A few may have some distant cucu-cicit offering their respect (like what my family did today!) but in general, such sites tend to be solitary in nature.

It got me thinking; do people really plan or think what will happen to their final resting place in the long run? One might be expecting one's children to perform the annual pilgrim to the burial ground, but what happen, when it's time for their children to be six feet under? Their grandchildren's turn? Do one discount the possibility of a break in the chain of pilgrimage? If yes, why do one still go ahead with it? Customs? Religious beliefs?

Of course nowadays, we may have columbariums for those who wish to be cremated. But from the way I see it, may it be cremation or burial, they still pose the same question. What will happen in the long run? The inevitable really.

At this point (being 18), I've came up with a personal conclusion with regards to my own rites. Only time can tell though how it will eventually turn out. I'm not trying to sound morbid over here, but I guess 'tis a fascinating food for thought at times, no?

PS- I can't believe I tan that easily. A mere 5 hours in the sun is enuff to trigger an overdrive of melanin. I even got an ugly tan in the shape of my flip flop on my two feet. Argh.

Something Childish, but very Natural

2010-03-18T23:50:00.005+08:00

Had I but two little wings,
And were a little feathery bird,
To you I'd fly, my dear,
But thoughts like these are idle things,
And I stay here.

But in my sleep to you I fly,
I'm always with you in my sleep,
The world is all one's own,
But then one wakes and where am I?
All, all alone.

Sleep stays not though a monarch bids,
So I love to wake at break of day,
For though my sleep be gone,
Yet while' tis dark one shuts one's lids,
And so, dreams on.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"He could not have done with the little poem. It was not the words so much as the whole air of it that charmed him!"
Katherine Mansfield

Screw that Paper

2010-03-10T15:44:00.003+08:00

I'm currently at my college's library. Surfing the net, checking my Facebook and *gasp* typing a blog post. In the past, I really dislike the idea of updating my blog from the college's library. The lack of privacy and communal sharing was such a turn off. Had a horrible experience with a guy once. But that remains as another story for another time. Right now, I have the whole library to myself! How fortunate is that?

Anyway, I'm having my mid term papers throughout this week. Just had my Economics paper a short while ago. It was one of the most ridiculous paper I ever sat for in my life. Atrocious English aside, I don't even know why I bother to sit for a paper which has been pre-leaked before hand. I am not talking about minor tips or wahyu here and there, I am talking about the whole bloody paper being leaked prior to this. I am not trying (nor am I bothered) to take the high ground over here, but the only thing that got me through the paper was the fact that I'm prep-ing for my A2 in the long run. So all in all, screw that paper. In the grander scale of things, that paper wasn't even worth being labeled as irrelevant.

Now that I got that out of my system, it's time to prep for tomorrow's paper. Oh, glorious Law!

It's Me, Not You

2010-02-20T00:54:00.004+08:00

Alas, my Chinese New Year break is almost at it's finale. It has been a week of pure hedonism - of glorious food, erratic sleep cycle, unsullied books and abundant gatherings. It has truly been a complete layoff from the student life I have been living for the past seven months. Now it is the time for me to pick up the pieces and strive on. For A2 is no laughing matter. Just thinking about the daunting prospects that awaits me for the next two months are enough to give me the goosebumps. *shudders*

Happy striving everyone!

Of Social Contract and Human Relationship

2010-02-19T00:28:00.003+08:00

A series of events unfolding have by chance reinforced my belief. A belief that to establish and sustain human relationships is in fact a weary process. One has to go through the seemingly endless cycle of introduction, discovery, exchange, bonding and whatnot. I find myself completely drained out just dealing with my current social circle at times. The melodrama, obligations, and conflicts have too often eclipse the merrier aspects of the social contract. Perhaps it's my ideals in a relationship that leaves me feeling consumed during such eclipses. I am inclined to believe that there is an ineffable relationship out there - which is really quite silly of me.

I am reminded that the contract changes as time passes by. And that though it takes conscious efforts to form the social contract in the first place, it takes an even bigger effort to uphold it. As everyone progress and move into different phases in life, things do change accordingly, and human relationships are definitely one of them. That I am aware off.

I lament the loosening of ties as much as I celebrate the integration of ties into my life. Invariably, something is bound to rise while another falls.

At this point, I am not sure where I am heading off with this post anymore. From what seem to begin as an earnest post is rapidly turning into an emo post. I know not how to conclude this.

Know This

2010-02-17T01:10:00.005+08:00

No matter what happen, know this - for every Chinese New Year, certain traditions will always remain a tradition to me.

The homebaked confectioneries ala pineapple tarts, blueberry muffins and Cornflakes cookies.
The decorations consisting of pineapples, pappercuts and angpaus (which may be glaringly missing especially over the years) and the cookie jars.
The packeting of angpaus as well as the last min sprucing up of the house.
The huge fuss on the preparation of the reunion dinner.

In actual practice I may not know how long these traditions will be uphold in my household nor can it withstand the changes in circumstances, but as far as I can see, they would all remain as a fond tradition file under the to-do-for-the-Chinese New Year-list.

Why I'm in Love with Thursdays

2010-02-06T12:41:00.002+08:00

By far Thursday is still my favourite day of the week. Back when I was schooling in Kedah, unlike the others states, our weekends begins on Friday itself. I would be looking forward to each Thursdays with glee as it would signifies the end of a week's worth of schooling regime. There would be two days of R&R (minus the tuitions) to savour and to sleep in.

As of now, even though my weekends (officially) begins on a Saturday instead of a Friday, I am still looking forward to Thursdays on my calender. On a superficial level, as I do not have any classes on Friday (at the moment), I have the entire day off. Hence, my weekends still starts from Thursday. Amen to that!

But on a broader and deeper spectrum, I would like to believe that the significance of Thursday is not yet lost to me. If I am to probe deep enough, I might just find a plethora of childlike enthusiasm to look forward to on that day. I find the thought of waking up mechanically in the wee hours of the morning to pull myself together to the bathroom and having a meal before beginning the day banal and to a certain extent - horrifying. But if I can wake up to the thought of, "Hey, it's a Thursday!" and jump out of the bed with an eagerness to start the day, I would generally find the day to be very fulfilling and be in a genuinely good mood through out the day.

As such, Thursdays are my weekly dose of endorphins.

Took this picture at the Penang Bowl. Inherently, I decided to mess around with the photo customization.

Post 181

2010-01-30T00:40:00.004+08:00

i gotta stop stalking random blogs. it's intoxicating; reading through their posts fervidly makes me feel as if i'm living their lives instead of mine. and when i'm done, i'm left with a despondent self to deal with.

this ain't healthy.

PTPL: A Salvo to You

2010-01-14T22:38:00.004+08:00

Thoughts that have been coming and going like the cars on an expressway desperately need to be put on a halt.

_____

I know not when it started nor when it ended, but as of now I am begin to appreciate my being at there. A choice that I had to make then, is now a choice I want to make. For a long time, I thought to myself, "Was it a mistake being here?". I often dreamed of an outlandish series of escapism from it.

But I am beginning to see the dearer little things that went by unnoticed earlier. The bland, nondescript facade holds a much greater importance than being just economic. It is a representation of the almost extinct practicality and prudence. The faculty may have elopers and inadequacy but I know for certain it also has its fair share of gems with a glaring shine of dedication, passion and diligence. My fellow sophomores endearing in nature with rich insights to offer; the good, the bad are all colours to me.

I am now inspired to finish the final leg of the journey. To grow used to it and to grow out of it.

This is for you - PTPL.

A Good Day

2010-01-02T18:05:00.004+08:00

If there is ever a good day to be lethargic, it be today. But before I know it, I woke up to the realization that it's the second day of the new year.

I just can't believe it.

Faint Echos

2009-12-26T16:39:00.008+08:00

The picture on the left was taken at 2004. It was my primary school's price giving ceremony. In it, we are the alumni of SK Ibrahim; the graduating batch of 2003. The women in red, was our 6 Maju class teacher, Pn. Khew Kim Sooi. Amongst the many familiar faces in the picture, I am starting to forget. I can no longer recall some of the names of my ex-classmates. My primary schooling years which were mostly spent with these dear people are now but a faint echo from a distance. My hippocampus has betrayed me. All I have left to fall back to, is a measly collection of disparate photographs.

If this could happen to my primary schooling years, will it happen to other parts of my life too? My secondary years? My collegehood? Will they all inevitably turn into faint echos - barely audible to the living soul?

At current time, I may have blogs, Facebook, digital photographs, journal etc. to keep track of the years I have undergone. Yet I can't seem to shake off the feeling I have lost a small part of myself along with the passing of time. Though the gains may be more obvious, the loss isn't something negligible either.

Which is why, I don't think I will ever be ready for the new year. I was never quite ready in the past to usher the new year with all the gains and loss that it brought with it. But it came anyway.

So will 2010.

PS- Didn't I told you I smile like a retard? And that the camera hates me? Now you believe me? =P

Christmas with a Heartbeat

2009-12-25T09:36:00.003+08:00

Christmas with a Heartbeat is the theme of Grace Community Center for this year's Christmas. However, for one unsuspecting victim of the pre-Christmas/Christmas Eve fever, his heart could not beat any faster (or slower) yesterday.

I be the first to admit; I have never been to so many places in a night before. But yesterday was truly a breaker.

I couldn't have ask for more.

Merry Christmas to all and many cheers to the joy of living!

Let's Start From Here

2009-12-12T18:20:00.005+08:00

Let’s start from here,
Lose the past
Change our minds,
We don't need a finish line
Let’s take this chance
Don’t think too deep
Of all those promises we couldn't seem to keep
I don’t care where we go
Let’s start from here

Joanna Wong's Let's Start from Here

Time seems to flies. Tomorrow is the last day of my semester break. On Monday, it will be the start of my A2 semester. It was a short but well lived holiday. So I have no complaints about it. Of the upcoming new semester that awaits me, I'd say I'm half excited, half jittery bout it. This will be the gateway. The transition point that I have been waiting for.

So let's start from here.

Penang National Park

2009-12-09T18:25:00.005+08:00

“Experience, travel - these are as education in themselves” - Euripide

Last Monday, was my trip to Penang National Park along side with Grace, Tze Xin, Stef and Yu Hyuen. (Yikes! I was the only guy amidst four spunky gals!) The entire trip itself was truly remarkable and educational at the same time. After what seemed like weeks of anticipation and rescheduling, the trip to Malaysia's smallest national park finally materialized! Wohooo! That itself seem to be an achievement already.

So our trip began as early as 7.30 in the morning whereby we took the bus from SP to Butterworth's jetty. From there we took the ferry to Penang Island. We reached the national park at approx. 10 in the morning. In which regrettably, we were ripped off by the bus driver who took us from the jetty to the national park located at Telok Bahang. He charged us double the amount that it should be and tried to scam his way through by some sketchy explanation on the the fees. Who was he trying to fool? None of us bought his explanation. But we let it slipped past us anyway. Didn't wanted to make a big fuss out of it then.

Once at the park, we were so awe stuck with the scenery and natural beauty that greeted us. Everything was left to nature's best. The park is well kept indeed. We took the trail from Sungai Tukun across the canopy walk all the way to Pantai Kerachut through a boat ride for our little picnic. Over there we managed to pay a visit to the turtle sanctuary whereby we get to see three baby turtles that were just hatched the day before we got got there. After a much needed rest and a game of SNAP, our next itinerary was some serious, ass kicking jungle tracking+hiking. Argh. Damn tiring lah. With each of us lugging our bags while braving through the obstacle course that Mother Nature decided to throw at us in various forms, ie, the steep hills, fallen trees/branches, muddy banks. It was an unmistakable sign that I need to work back my stamina. *shrugs* However, when we finally made it back to Sungai Tukun from Pantai Kerachut, we realized we didn't have the time to make it to Monkey Beach and subsequently we missed the chance to visit Mukah Head's Light House. Dang! (Another time I suppose?)

Besides the greenery of the park another thing bout the outing that struck a chord with me was how incredibly nice the tourists were. Our first encounter was with a group of friends working in the same company in Dubai. One of them turned out to be an alumni of Secondary Ibrahim and Primary Ibrahim who had kindly offered us a free boat ride with him and his friends! (hence our boat ride to Pantai Kerachut) We also met an extremely friendly couple from Holland whom we all salute. They have some serious spunk to cycle thousands of miles across Europe, go travelling to most places ala backpacking style and not to mention being that loving at such an age. So inspiring but such things especially the latter is almost unheard of over here! *sad* And to top it all, we came across a filming crew in the middle of the jungle! Although, none of really know them at first, but we later came to know the main actor is from the Blogger Boy series. Lol!

We left the park around 5 in the evening. We then went to Mac Calister road for its hawker food. Even the bus ride out of the park, I got the feeling that the bus driver ripped us off by his dubious claim on the fees. Wtf. Luckily, instead of taking the bus back all the way back to SP, we were fortunate enuff to hitch hike Stef's car back albeit the squeezing and lack of leg room. *winks*

All in all, the outing is what I'd call a success. No major hiccups, it was a little adventurous as well as refreshing plus it proved to be a major bonding session. The same question is already running in everyone's head; where to head to next?

PS- All pictures from the above are taken and edited by Tze Xin. I can't seem to hook up my hp to ny pc. Therefore, I can't upload any of my pics.

If Only I Could, I Would

2009-12-06T00:17:00.005+08:00

For the past few days I have been toying with the idea that it be absolutely terrific if I am able to go back to the past. I want to go back to the time before I decided on anything. Fresh from NS with my SPM result in hand.

I know this time I will be equipped with something more than foresight. I will have clarity and resolve.

PS- Something I found while searching for relics of the past. *smiles*

I'm Desperate

2009-12-05T00:43:00.004+08:00

At the moment, my self-esteem is ebbing at the lowest depth possible. I hate the feeling of being so inadequate. I keep on having the notion that whenever I am put on on the brass scale, I hardly measure to an ounce of others. Going through all those form and prerequisites, I am being forcefully reminded of the similar forms that I have filled up less than 9 months ago. Even then, I remember the distinctive feel of being so inadequate. I tried to convince myself, somehow, someway there was a tad of chance that awaits me beyond all of those forms. I actually believed myself to be in the same playing field as everyone else back then.

But heck who was I kidding? The outcome definitely proved to be otherwise.

In spite of that and everything that came before, right now, at this point of my life, I have never been so sure of what I want. Yes. I was lost before. Aimless for the past one year.

I am desperate this time. I have never wanted something so badly in the past. So please, let this come true for once. This is all I am asking for.

Crossing the River

2009-12-02T01:41:00.006+08:00

do you know why one can never cross the same river twice?

yeah, 'cause it's always moving, no?

the water is always changing.always flowing.

damn
i do feel old, just thinking 'bout it!

How to Be a Jakun 101

2009-11-30T09:51:00.003+08:00

So exhausted! Even though I went straight to bed once I got home yesterday, right now I still feel as if I need another 9 hours worth of sleep. Argh. Alas, I am up and awake this morning to catch up on the world. Didn't have any internet access during my trip down to KL for a solid 3 days. Not that I mind though. *winks* Being the uber lazy, inactive and silent lurker that I am, it's only natural right?

Alright, back to the trip. I head down south last Friday with only a backpack in tow for a bit of adventure. You could even say it's my little vacation after what seemed like century since I last had one. My itinerary over there? Hopping from one mall to another. From the public transport to my own two sturdy legs. The only pit stops over there were during makan time and watching movies.

Through out the trip there though it was like a How to be a Jakun 101 for myself, I'm pretty fortunate to have such a briliant opportunity to just step out and be there to see it first hand. A bit overdue if I may add.

PS- Don't have any pics to post here tho. Barely took any through out the trip. Wtf right?

Cycle

2009-11-19T20:22:00.002+08:00

It has been a year. A year ago, together with my fellow fifth formers, we sat for our SPM. It was a real big fuss as far back as I can remember. Being preached, brain-washed and inundated with the sole idea that SPM will be the sole determinant to the road ahead, the thought of having to do well in SPM was naturally embedded into the brain circuit.

Come a year later, a new batch is up and ready to take their SPM this time. Nothing much has changed really from the way I see it. The silence will be broken with a flurry of chatter and "how did it went with you?" once the time is up. There will be parents waiting dutifully for their sons and daughters to finish their paper. Students will be greeted with food and refreshments as soon as they step out from the examination hall.

Albeit with the different people in it, such cycle of idiosyncrasies will definitely go on.

But where does that leave me?

I am still here. Struggling. Struggling to find my own niche. Slowly but surely, I am making pace, am I not? I am leaving behind that cycle to begin a new one. In due time, I will also leave that very new cycle to undertake another one. To put things in perspective, isn't the act of undertaking a cycle is but a part of a bigger cycle?

As I went back to my old school recently, the cycle that I left behind was evident. Though the atmosphere of familiarity is still potent in its essence, the whole thing itself is starting to unravelled. The foreign feeling is setting in. The greetings, the cordiality, the nostalgia. They will all diminish. Inevitably.

PS-Though, the three letter acronym of SPM will steadily become alien to myself, I do wish all those who are currently undertaking this part of the cycle a very good luck and may the best wishes go with the very flow of your ink on paper. To this cycle and the many that awaits us all, cheers!

A Moment of Fad/Obsession?

2009-10-30T20:59:00.003+08:00

*DRUM ROLLS* After weeks of waiting, much spending and stuffing oneself with unhealthy food, I have finally done it! I finally collected all 7 colour of those Mac Donald's Coke Glass!!

Although, I don't wanna exaggerate things and all, but I have to say, am feeling very bangga with self this time! *grins* When I first saw the promotional offer for these lovely cups, I thought to myself, oh, the perky pink is kinda pretty. The lime green isn't half bad too. Perhaps I will get those two? But this is soooo not gonna be a collector thing going on. (previous attempt at collecting Kingdom Hearts got the better out of me)

A month and a half later, I soon found myself having not only to eat a large set of Mac Value meals, I had to eat my own words too. But given any day, I would gladly eat the latter than the former. Thanks to this recent conquest of mine, I will be abstaining from Mac Donald for the time being. I know these glasses are suppose to be free and all, but having to eat through each meal of those large meals with the Sundaes isn't what I would call a bargain. Often I find myself wishing if only I can skip the meals and straight go for the glasses. But capitalism and an excellent marketing strategy dictated by a certain conglomerate decreed that I have to get pass those large 7 meals first. Emphasize on the word large!

*am so jobless till I can memorize the colours in order - from the right; Perky Pink, Cool Blue, Fortune Green, Shiny Grey, Royal Purple, Lime Green and lastly Sparkly Clear*

And on another random check at Mac Donald's website, it has a page whereby it tells you which colour you represent and the attributes behind the colour. Yours truly falls under the Royal Purple category. Personally, I like Lime Green better (it's refreshing to the eyes!) but meh, I can live with purple too. You can check out your inner-Coke-glass-colour at here too!

PS-Dear, Mac Donald, please don't release any more glasses as part of your promotion ok? At least not in the near future.

The Month of October

2009-10-19T11:19:00.002+08:00

What do one do when one is too comfortable in one's comfort zone? Waiting to be yanked out of course. If there is a vice I am willing to confess is about how I get so easily nestled up in my little private sanction. Sigh.

Dear All

2009-09-22T09:05:00.004+08:00

Dear All,

After this week's sojourn at SP, I do believe I won't be back until November. The AS exams are just around the corner in which it will be a month of pulun-ning and kiasu-ing.

Updates will be sparse. Or none at all I'm afraid.

With regards,
Kar-Men

Morning Glory

2009-09-20T17:23:00.004+08:00

I like morning glory. Pretty and affectionate.

A Solid Companion

2009-09-19T15:02:00.004+08:00

It's a cold, damp day.

A perfect moment to snuggle up in bed and just doze off.

But alas..

My blankie isn't gonna be my solid companion (for now).

Books and pens will have to suffice instead.

Penang: A Pictorial Post

2009-09-14T10:00:00.002+08:00

The Best Solution

2009-09-12T23:49:00.004+08:00

I didn't thought I'd go back to SP for this weekend. But guess what? I'm back. For my grandfather's funeral. It be a three day affair at Alor Star.

There are many things in life that raise a million and one questions in my head. Though the term "questions" isn't that accurate as some if not most of them are mere over-generalized, dogmatic and not to mention lopsided deductions I form in my free time, I keep having this one question floating aimlessly in my head right now.

Is death at times the best solution to solve a problem?

What if it is the best solution?

Independence

2009-08-31T00:00:00.001+08:00

A Recap

2009-08-30T20:41:00.003+08:00

Ok, so my last post doesn't really count as a post. Therefore, I'll attempt to write a much longer one for today.

Let's see.. For the moment I am at my home. By tomorrow however, I will be returning to the island. After what seem like a flicker in the eye, turn out to be a drag of 7 weeks since I last went back to SP. Yeah, I do know the drive home is only bout 40 minutes or so (30 minutes if I am sitting the night bus, 25 minutes if I am traveling with my bro/dad) so in that sense I should go home more frequent than this. Yet I didn't. For numerous reasons really. But I only have this to say - I didn't really see the need to go back. I get to do my laundry at my place over there. I have 2 meals and a half each day. Transport is taken care off. Stock and supplies are more than sufficient to withstand for weeks. Except when it comes to snacks like cookies and all. Those stuff, always run out.

The first thing that struck a chord of my belated return is the sight of the Sejati toll. From the distance, every thing still look the same. The same old plain sight I have seen for 13 years is still intact and all. Yet upon closer look, I noticed, there is a new shop selling tudungs. The old poor clinic I passed by each time (which was always empty) is finally closed. The pot holes at the tunnels are getting way bigger and deeper since I could ever remembered them. Among that, there are things that have changed too. Not in physical appearance wise though. More on how I feel and think about them. Those stuff I rather not talk about them at here. Or rather it is because I don't know how to talk bout them.

The second thing that stuck me was when I checked my Facebook and mail. Arguably, in the past (as well as the present and the future) I am not the type to deal much with such social networking websites. No updates. Not much pictures uploaded. No random memes, quiz's etc. Never did much to begin with. Even so, I felt kinda bad for not replying the messages at there. Especially the wishes. I know it is a bit too late, and I should make the effort to contact every single one of them, but I would like to make use of this outlet to thank everyone. Really appreciate it. And so sorry as well for my lack err everything.

Those thoughts aside, I am gonna try to outline my life at college as briefly as possible. ~~Not much to talk about anyway~~ Basically I have classes from Monday to Friday. Classes range from morning till afternoon usually with some classes taking up the whole day which is from morning till evening. Have had my Mid Term exams. Soon to complete my MPW subjects that is Moral Education and Malaysian Studies in two weeks time. By October 12th, my first paper for AS which is Law will commence. From that point onwards, will have exams for a few weeks with my last paper being the November the 11th. Hence, with the phrase time is ticking.

After that I should have a short break of two weeks I suppose. Though I have no net access over there, safe for the in-between-time I spent on the college's computers, passing time is definitely not a problem there. I avoid using the public computers to access personal websites such as Facebook and blogging account. (But in light of the recent feedbacks, I should really make an exception in that rule)

Other those stuff mentioned above, don't really have much things else to write on. I lead a nondescript student's life. *sad* Though if anyone is looking for any movie reviews on the latest movies, he or she can find me. If there is anything I am proud of late, is how I am embracing my inner movie-junkie. *bangganya*

Anyhow I think I will just end today's post at here. Will come up with another post or so if I find the determination/inspiration to do so.